Inside: Mothering lessons that bring gentle perspective to any season of parenting, from the terrible twos to the empty nest and beyond. ~
Throughout my mothering journey, I think I’ve learned more from fellow moms who are further down the parenting path than from any other source of wisdom besides the Bible.
Books and online articles are wonderful, and many were helpful when I was a younger mom. But as my girls moved through their teen years and the issues they encountered began to get heavier and more complex, conversations with friends who have adult children became a much greater source of encouragement.
We’ve Only Just Begun
I’ve loved being a mom all these years, and if what my more experienced friends tell me is any indication, the adventure is only beginning. It won’t look the same, of course. My presence and input in my daughters’ lives will change and vary as they grow into their adult lives.
Expectations of particular outcomes are best held loosely in every season of life, especially if they have to do with other people. But I’m hopeful my relationship with each of my girls will continue to be strong and as important to them as it is to me.
What I’ve Learned
When I think about what I’ve learned during my first two decades of motherhood, a few words of encouragement for other moms come to mind. I originally shared most of these in 2015, but they are as relevant now—for moms of any age and season of parenting—as they were back then.
1. “You’re doing a good job.”
My heart craved affirmation like this when I was newer at parenting, especially from the important women in my life. I felt so inadequate, so unprepared, so unsure of my ability to train up my little girls in the ways they should go. (Who am I kidding? I still feel this way quite often.) That’s why, whenever possible, I want other moms to hear this bit of encouragement from me.
2. “It’s not all up to you.”
You are not the ultimate authority in your child’s life; God is. Your job is to get to know your children as well as you can and make decisions based on that knowledge and the timeless truths of scripture. And remember—in God’s eyes, their story doesn’t end when they turn 18 or 21 or even 35. In fact, it might be just beginning.
3. “Don’t believe anyone else’s opinion about the worst of times.”
I know. There’s a reason those early years often are called the “terrible twos,” “terrifying threes” or “horrible fours.” There’s a reason people shudder and roll their eyes when the topic of raising teenagers, pre-teen daughters or strong-willed children comes up.
But every kid is different. Don’t automatically assume that your child is going to fit whatever stereotype people want to pin on her, at any stage of her life. Don’t expect that the next phase is going to be all sunshine and roses, but don’t expect the worst either. Take what comes, do your best and refer often to No. 2. 4. Savor the sweet and don’t fear what might come next.
If you find yourself in a season where everything seems to be going well with your family, acknowledge it. Enjoy it. Be thankful for it.
Don’t expect it to last forever, however. You never know when or where the next storm is going to hit, but you count on it coming sooner or later. You can also can rest assured that God will be there before you and will help you and your children through it.
5. “Educate yourself. But when in doubt, go with your gut.”
When the therapists, teachers or dental hygienists tell you one thing and your heart tells you another, you’re not obligated to do what they say—now or ever. This is more important in today’s culture than ever before, I think.
6. “Apologize often.”
When you’ve overreacted and everyone knows it. When you’ve raised your voice unnecessarily one too many times. When it’s your tone that needs correcting, not theirs.
Kids are forgiving, but it’s often up to the adults in their lives to give them that opportunity. And trust me on this one. You never know the difference your apology today might make in their lives when they are much older.
7. “Pray like your children’s lives depend on it.”
Because they do. When they’re living at home and especially when they are out on their own.
• • •
If you’re a mom or stepmom, what is the most significant bit of encouragement you’ve ever received about your parenting? Whether you’re a mom or not, I’d love to know what your mother or other special woman in your life did well that still impacts your life today.
Finally, if you are a mom of daughters or a daughter with a mother, you may find these posts timely or helpful.
• A Hope-filled Note for Moms of Girls
• Hope for Moms and Daughters in Every Season
♥ Lois
When the therapists, teachers or dental hygienists tell you one thing and your heart tells you another, you’re not obligated to do what they say—now or ever. Share on X In God’s eyes, your child's story doesn’t end when she turns 18 or 21 or even 35. In fact, it might be just beginning. Share on XP.S. I’m linking up this week with #tellhisstory, InstaEncouragements, Recharge Wednesday, Let’s Have Coffee and Grace & Truth.
26 comments
You are a wise voice that stands out on a noisy internet. Thanks for every words of this.
Aw … thank you for that encouragement, Natalie. And a belated Happy Mother’s Day to you!
Lois, what wise advice!
Thanks, Donna! 🙂
What a sweet post, Lois! This helps me know how to encourage Mom friends! : ) Happy Mother’s Day!
Thanks, Bethany. Your mom friends are blessed to have your encouragement! 🙂
Lois, such fabulous advice I only wish I had when raising my children. I never felt like I got it right, and the only advice I seemed to get was how to do it “better”. I love #4, savor the sweet and not fear what’s next. How much time I spent fearing what was next and missed he sweet. I always tell new moms that now! Enjoy where you ARE instead of running into the unknown future!
Happy Mother’s Day sweet friend!!
What a great piece of advice, Donna: “Enjoy where you ARE instead of running into the unknown future!” It’s not just for new moms, either … I need to remember that right now! 🙂 Happy Mother’s Day to you, dear friend.
What a great article! Yes, encouragement from loved ones is so very helpful! The older I get the more I appreciate it.
Thanks, Leticia! I appreciate encouragement more the older I get too. So good to hear from you this week. 🙂
May you always find the will and inspiration to keep going despite the challenges of motherhood. You’re doing a great job! Happy Mother’s Day to you!
Thank you so much, Lux. You are very kind!
This is so good – whether you’re a mom of daughters or sons. As a mom of sons who has prayed for daughter-in-laws who have a heart for our family – I have been so very blessed with many DILs who are very intentional – and reach like I reach. It takes two reaching to have a relationship, though. I love your list – but this before the list: “Expectations of particular outcomes are best held loosely in every season of life” – this made me think of the expectation I had for how and what their futures would be like. I’ve learned my expectations of the walking out need to be thrown out – and make room for God’s expectations to fill up the area where mine had been. It’s been a project getting there – but that’s the only place where Joy lives as they walk out God’s plan in their lives. Your post so beautifully filled my heart. Thank you!
I’m glad this post filled your heart, Maryleigh. What a blessing to have intentional daughters-in-law. I always appreciated how my sisters-in-law were this way with my mom too. I need to follow your example and continually relinquish my expectations for my daughters’ futures into God’s sovereign hands. Thanks for sharing your perspective, and I hope you have a Happy Mother’s Day. 🙂
These are great drops of wisdom, Lois! I’m at point 7 today. My oldest son left for the army yesterday and prayer is the only way I can parent him at this point. But God will be with him every step of the way.
Oh my, Heather! I can only imagine how it would feel to send a child off to the Army. I’m so thankful you can rest in the assurance that God goes before Him and will be with him, always. Happy Mother’s Day, friend.
These are great. I remember some of these being given by older moms I knew. Some like #2, were realized after many years of feeling like everything depended on my doing everything just right–and failing. I’m so thankful for God’s grace!
I’d have to think a while to see if anything else came to mind. The only thing that does now is the truth that there are more ways than one to do a thing. When I was a younger mom, we were so caught up in breast-feeding vs. bottle feeding, pacifiers or not, etc., etc. Unless something involves an eternal truth from Scripture that does not change, it’s okay to do what works for your family even if it’s different from what others do.
Just thought of another. 🙂 We were focused on teaching our children Truth, both doctrine and character traits. And that’s necessary. But I wish I’d spent more time pointing out the hand of God in everyday life.
“Oh look! I prayed for a good parking space, and one just opened up.”
“We prayed about this need, and look how God answered.”
“How beautiful God made this flower.”
Though we always say Christianity is a relationship, not just a set of beliefs, I think those kinds of observations would have made the relationship seem more real.
I love this bit of wisdom too, Barbara. Lilly and I still talk about finding a pair of loafers at a resale shop when Randy was laid off during the Great Recession. She really needed shoes and had always wanted loafers. We prayed and then found these. They were perfect. 🙂
Phew, Barbara … I’m thankful that God’s grace covers my parenting too! Such a good bit of wisdom about eternal truth vs. all the different ways to do various things. Thanks for sharing it.
Wonderful list, Lois. I especially liked “apologize often.” Wise advice.
Thanks, Ashley! I distinctly remember a time when my mom apologized to me … it made a big difference in my life. It’s not always easy to swallow our pride and say we’re sorry, but it’s definitely worth it, isn’t it?
Look at those three beautiful faces and smiles! My children are married and have children of their own and #7 still rings true! Happy Mother’s Day, sweet friend!
Oh Joanne, we’ll never stop praying, will we? Happy Mother’s Day to you too!
Isn’t it amazing how just a few well-spoken kind words can fill our hearts with hope? Let’s hear it for those priceless words of affirmation.
Amen, Linda. Happy Mother’s Day, dear friend.