A Hope-filled Look at Midlife (and Beyond)

On the first day of August, we packed the car for an overnight stay and headed north to Iowa for my niece’s belated high-school graduation party.

The road trip—our first since the Covid quarantines started—was a strange mixture of excitement to be going somewhere and apprehension about wearing masks and keeping our soon-to-be college freshmen healthy. Also—in my heart, anyway—there was the added emotional weight of remembering the last time we had taken this very same trip.

I don’t know how it is for anyone else, but for me, grief is often tied to specific places.

Over Memorial Day weekend last year, we’d gone to Iowa for another grad party—this one for my nephew. Several family members came from other states, and we all returned to Kansas after the celebration to spend a few precious days with my dad before he went home to heaven.

As I anticipated returning to the same town, the same party venue and even the same hotel, I was feeling pretty anxious. I wasn’t dreading seeing my extended family, but I was sort of drowning in the memories of last year—particularly of what happened when we went home.

On the way, as Randy drove and the girls sang Hamilton songs and 80s hits at the top of their lungs in the backseat, I reached for my black Vera Bradley bag and pulled out a book.

I’d actually started reading Becoming Sage: Cultivating Meaning, Purpose and Spirituality at Midlife several weeks prior, but I had only gotten about halfway through it because I kept getting distracted by other books that I had requested from our local library during the quarantine.

The author, Michelle Van Loon, is an author and cofounder of ThePerennialGen.com—an online space for Christian men and women “in midlife and beyond” that I’ve had the privilege of contributing to several times. I’ve never met Michelle in person, but I’ve enjoyed her writing and appreciate her wisdom regarding issues that relate to my current season of life.

Turns out, that wisdom—spilled out page by page in Becoming Sage—was exactly what I needed to read as we drove to Iowa that day. By the time I finished the book—on I-80 somewhere around Des Moines, I think—my anxiety was gone, my heart was settled, and I was ready to have a good time with my family.

It was the right book at the right time for me—no doubt about it. I’ve already recommended it to one friend, and I plan to share it with another in hopes that we might go through the thought-provoking questions at the end of each chapter together. (This is saying something, as discussion questions in women’s books often don’t appeal to me at all.)

My blogger friend Michele Morin summarizes the content of Becoming Sage well in this review for The Perennial Gen. If you’re approaching midlife, a few years in, or a happy regular at your local senior citizen’s center, I’d encourage you to check out her review.

For now, though, I want to share a few of Van Loon’s thoughts from Becoming Sage that are still resonating with me several weeks after I first read them.

About friendship:

“As we move into the second half of our lives and consider the friends we’ve had,” she writes, “the friends we lack, and the friendships we hope to form moving forward, those becoming sage recognize that whether for a specific season or for a lifetime, God uses each one of our relationships to form us for eternity.”

About vocation in the second half of life:

“It is rare that the discovery or affirmation of vocation at midlife is entirely disconnected from everything that came before it. God doesn’t waste a thing. He redeems, and He directs our paths.”

About grief, loss and how the church can help:

“We in the church can be a powerful community of support around the time of the funeral, but as the event fades from corporate memory, we sometimes forget that the family and friends have the loss seared into their souls. Remembering with them is a way to grieve with those who continue to grieve as well as reminding the entire community that death is a part of our lives together. In Christ, it is not the final word, but until the end of days, it is a reality for all of us.”

About how we become “Real” during the midlife and beyond (just like the Velveteen Rabbit in the beloved children’s story):

“At a place that exists deep within each one of us, there’s an ache for an Eden we’ve never seen and a longing for the promise of heaven where every tear we’ve ever shed will be soothed away by God (Rev. 21:4). Much of our apprenticeship journey with Jesus is about trusting that He is using every bit of the pain, adversity, change, and grief of this world to transform us into the Real human beings He created us to be.”

About God (it all comes down to this):

“A sage lives (sometimes uncomfortably) in the tension between two seemingly disparate truths. The first is that God is neither cruel nor powerless. The second is that God is under no obligation to reveal His purposes to us. When there are no explanations, nor any relief when we are faced with suffering, we are presented with the hour-by-hour choice to trust the One who suffered for us and stands with us in our anguish.”

I hope these quotes from Becoming Sage bless you as much as they’ve encouraged me. If you’ve read a book recently that spoke to you—about midlife or any other topic—please share it in the comments.

♥ Lois

P.S. I’m linking up this week with Purposeful Faith, #TellHisStory, InstaEncouragements, Recharge Wednesday, #HeartEncouragement, Let’s Have Coffee and Grace & Truth.