A Simple Acknowledgement that Men Grieve Too

Inside: As Father’s Day approaches, let’s not ignore the grief that’s never mentioned in greeting cards featuring beer, fishing and dad jokes but is all-too-present for many men. ~

Women aren’t the only ones who grieve.

It seems obvious, but sometimes, I think the world forgets. Not just the world at large, but the Christian culture as well.

I don’t know why this is, exactly. But that’s not the point of this post.

A Kind Remembrance

Last year, I learned the Sunday before Mother’s Day is designated International Bereaved Mother’s Day. My church offers a special prayer on this day for women who long to be moms or who have lost children, either before they were born or after.

As someone who fell into the former category for many years, I thought my church’s prayer was a compassionate, sensitive gesture. But it also made me wonder whether there is a similar commemoration for men.

Turns out, there is. But International Bereaved Father’s Day isn’t the week before Father’s Day, as you might expect. It’s the last Sunday in August.

A Day for Men too

Here’s how the International Days website describes it:

“While Father’s Day in June is celebratory, this observance recognizes all the dads who have experienced the grief and trauma caused by the death of their baby or child. It serves as a day of remembrance, hope, healing, and a time to deal with the enormous pain associated with such a loss. In addition, it calls out any stigma against fathers in general as they sometimes grieve differently from their partners.”

Interestingly, while the day for bereaved mothers includes women suffering from infertility, the day for fathers does not. I understand women are the ones who conceive and carry babies, but this struggle is difficult for men who long to be fathers too.

Odd Timing

I also wonder at the timing of the day for men—it seems there’s a good chance it might get overlooked among all the back-to-school and end-of-summer activities, not to mention all those Labor Day barbecues that home-improvement store ads assume men love so much.

Do most men even care about such days of remembrance? My guess is probably not. But their grief is still deep, important and worth recognizing.

Seasons of Grief

I’ve known many wonderful men throughout my life, including my dad, husband and father-in-law, as well as three brothers and two brothers-in-law.

Each of them has gone through seasons of grief relating to all sorts of loss, and, I’m guessing, each one has responded in his own unique way. Some may be more prone to cry or to process through writing or tinkering in the garage or talking it out with a trusted listener.

I’m also thinking of husbands of friends who have suffered greatly, along with their wives, when a child died, strayed in one way or another, or even cut off ties to the family. Moms may be more vocal (though not always) about these losses, but dads feel them too.

Often very profoundly.

A Simple Acknowledgement

At this point in a blog post, I usually try to include some bits of encouragement or practical takeaways. This time, as Father’s Day approaches, I simply want to acknowledge the grief that’s never mentioned in greeting cards featuring beer, fishing and dad jokes but is all-too-present for many men.

While men aren’t the primary audience for this blog, if you know a man who might appreciate this post, feel free to forward it to him. And if you’re a man or a woman for whom Father’s Day brings up grief or pain, always remember that God is “close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.” (Psalm 34:18)

On difficult holidays as well as every other day of the year.

♥ Lois

P.S. I’m linking up this week with #tellhisstory, InstaEncouragements, Let’s Have Coffee and Grace & Truth.