Inside: Over time, the truth that our loved ones are with Jesus can sink more deeply into our hearts and bring fresh comfort, even during seasons of greater grief and remembrance. ~
It’s been almost four years since my parents went home to heaven. I’ve had plenty of time to process, to write, to talk at length about what happened.
At times, though, I still can’t believe it. It all happened so fast. In my mind, I was so young.
Age is Relative
Forty-eight, which is how old I was when my parents died, seems ancient to my young adult daughters.
But I had never lost a close loved one before. While I’d supported and prayed for friends traveling the dark road of grief, I had not trudged down it myself.
The two people who knew and loved me my entire life, who lived nearby for their last 13 years, were gone. Within five weeks of each other, after an intense season of decline.
Just Being Human
I’ve heard people talk about their desires for their aging or terminally ill parents to live longer—or for their mom or dad to want to do everything possible to stay alive—as if those desires had been selfish.
I think they’re being too hard on themselves. Those desires aren’t selfish; they’re human.
People who have more life experience, endured more sorrow or had parents who suffered greatly before they died might have other—perhaps wiser or kinder—perspectives about trying to keep people alive as long as possible.
I Get That
The long walk home is different for everyone, and for everyone’s loved ones.
In hindsight, having read more about mortality and end-of-life issues, I understand a few things now that I couldn’t comprehend before.
Blessing in Disguise
Given what’s happened in the world the last three years, I also see now that it was a sad kind of blessing that my parents died in 2019. Before 2020 and all that followed.
If they had survived the Covid pandemic while living in a nursing home, my mom would be turning 91 in May, my dad 90. Realistically, Covid or not, there’s a good chance they wouldn’t have lived that long anyway.
Comfort for the Heart
My logical mind finds solace in these thoughts. Lately, though, another thought has been comforting my heart. It’s been there all along, but for some reason, it’s speaking louder than it was before.
It’s the biblical truth that to be absent from the body is to be present with the Lord. According to 2 Corinthians 5:8, the later actually was the Apostle Paul’s preference.
“We are confident, I say, and willing rather to be absent from the body and to be present with the Lord.” (KJV, emphasis mine)
Who Knows?
While thick books have been written about heaven, we don’t know much about what it’s really like. The Bible offers imagery and bits of commentary here and there. Theologians over the years have offered their best guesses about what it all means.
But I don’t think our human minds can even begin to imagine it.
Perhaps you’ve heard, as I have, comments about loved ones looking down on us or being reunited with each other in heaven when they die. Those are nice ideas, but again, we can’t really know for sure whether they represent present reality.
One Sure Thing
What we can be certain of is what 2 Corinthians 5:8 makes clear: that when a believer dies, his body stays in the ground and his soul enters God’s presence.
He is, as the NIV puts it, “Away from the body and at home with the Lord” (emphasis mine).
When we lose a loved one, it’s normal and natural to focus on what we’ve lost. I miss my parents more than I can say, and I don’t see that changing anytime soon.
Finally Home
But these days, the thought that two of the people I always felt most at home with are “at home with the Lord” is tempering my sadness with joy in a fresh, new way.
I have no idea what a soul looks or acts like. I wonder how all those saints that have gone before us fit in heaven. I’m curious about whether they can see each other or sense each other’s presence.
However it all works, my parents—and your believing loved ones who have died—are with Jesus. Somehow, their souls are in the presence of the Alpha and Omega, the wonderful Counselor, the Savior of the world, the Great I Am, the Good Shepherd, the Prince of Peace, the Ancient of Days.
Unimaginable
Can you even imagine such a breathtaking experience?
I can’t, that’s for sure. I just know this:
Whatever it looks like, sounds like or feels like, it’s better than here.
Not only better, better by far. (Philippians 1:23, NIV, emphasis added)
♥ Lois
The long walk home is different for everyone, and for everyone’s loved ones. Share on X The souls of our departed loved ones are in the presence of the Alpha and Omega, the Great I Am, the Good Shepherd, the Prince of Peace, the Ancient of Days. Share on XP.S. I’m linking up this week with #tellhisstory, InstaEncouragements, Recharge Wednesday, Let’s Have Coffee and Grace & Truth.
28 comments
I know the anniversary of your mom’s passing is coming up in a few days so I’m keeping you close in thought and prayers, Lois. You continue to honor your parents in a lovely way.
Aw, Lisa … thank you so much for your prayers and kind words. You are a blessing in my life, friend.
Thank you so much for being vulnerable with your thoughts, Lois. It has been 17 years since my mom passed and 13 years since my dad did, and sometimes I still miss them, especially as I get older for some reason. It comforts me that they both came to know Jesus before they passed. And I love your reflections on heaven. Yes! It is being AT HOME in the LORD! Love and blessings to you!
Oh Trudy … I’m so glad your parents both came to know Jesus before they passed away too. Such a comforting thought. Isn’t “at home in the Lord” a wonderful phrase? He truly is our home. Much love to you, dear friend.
This is beautiful, Lois. <3
Thank you, dear friend.
Aritha, I love your thoughts on this.,…especially your last sentence about our loved ones being perfected souls, worshipping God and participating in the work of the kingdom. I do believe that. Thanks for sharing.
Such a beautiful thought!
My husband and I were just having this conversation with his son last weekend. He was asking about what heaven would look like. Our answer was like yours: better than anything we could ever imagine. Like you, I’m not sure if our loved ones who’ve gone before us can see us. The Bible speaks of time feeling different in heaven. I wonder if time will feel like a blink to them—even if it’s been years for us. But I’m sure they’ll be there with open arms, excited to welcome us to the best place ever regardless.
I think you’re right, Ashley. “Better than anything we could ever imagine.” What a beautiful thought. I can’t wait!
Losing one’s parents is a deeply personal experience that can leave a lasting impact on a person’s life. When I lost my parents… It was a difficult time, and it took me a while to come to terms with the reality of the situation.
Even now, years later, I still think about my parents every day. There are times when the sadness feels overwhelming, particularly when I’m alone at night and my thoughts drift to memories of them. But as time has passed, I’ve found myself feeling more and more at peace with their passing.
Part of what has helped me come to terms with my loss is the knowledge that my parents are now in heaven with God. It’s a comforting thought, knowing that they are no longer suffering or in pain, and that they are at peace. While I still miss them dearly, I take solace in the belief that they are now in a better place. Of course, everyone’s journey through grief is different. What works for me may not work for others. But for me, focusing on the idea that my parents are now in heaven with God has helped me find some measure of comfort and peace. While we cannot fully understand what heaven is like or how our loved ones’ souls are present there, we can be certain that they are with Jesus and experiencing a breathtaking and unimaginable reality. I believe that our loved ones who are now in heaven are perfected souls who are actively participating in the worship of God and in the work of the kingdom.
I’m so sorry for the loss of your parents, Aritha. I can relate to the reality of thinking about them so often and the sadness of nighttime remembering, but also the peace that comes with time. Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts about your grief journey. You’re right … each of us goes about it in a unique way, but the comfort that we find can also be a comfort to others.
Lois, when I read of OT Joseph’s reunion with his father, I pictured my reunion with my mother who died when I was a teenager. I know heaven will be better than I can imagine (1 Cor. 2:9). One of my friends stood by his father’s death bed. Right before his father passed, he opened his eyes and looked up and said, “Oh son, I see Jesus, and your mother is standing right beside him.” And then he was gone. I think God provides these glimpses for the one dying and for us. Thanks for sharing your journey.
What a beautiful experience your friend had, Debbie! Those “glimpses of glory” do provide hope and build expectation for heaven, don’t they?
Lois, I so appreciate how you are sharing your journey. May the Lord use these posts to bless and comfort many.
That’s my prayer too, Joanne. Thank you for your kind words, friend.
You may enjoy reading my death experience Lois in https://teawithjennifer.blog/excerpt/
Blessings, Jennifer
Thank You for sharing this, Jennifer. What a memorable experience you had!
Lois, love the thoughts you shared today. Surrounded in my work by EOL issues every day, and the questioning of timing, I often sit with people on both sides. I talked with someone the other day dying of advanced cancer, who feeling as if her life no longer held meaning was struggling with wanting to “depart” sooner rather than later.
But no matter the age, I believe God has a purpose for every second of a person’s life, and those moments are precious. He numbers our days, and we can rest there, whatever the “number”. Because yes, once the last moment ticks off the clock, those who know Him are immediately ushered into His Presence. Amen.
Oh, Donna … I totally agree! That was such a comforting truth during my parents’ last days… that God had ordained all their days and written them in His book before one ever began (Psalm 139:16). I wish I could listen in on some of your conversations with your hospice patients … I know God uses your compassionate words in mighty ways during those times.
Lois, what a sweet, true, inspirational post. Your words are true and for all believers they bring so much hope. Thank you for them. Helen
You’re welcome, Helen. And thank you for your sweet thoughts. Hope is a powerful thing, isn’t it? 🙂
Good morning, Lois! Thank you for your beautiful words about grief. I think of my parents often and it has been nine and seven years for my mom and dad. I co-lead a grief recovery group and find that I continue to learn what my own grief looks like even after a number of years. The comfort of knowing my parents are with Jesus is never far from my heart.
I feel the same way, Mary. That’s so wonderful that you co-lead a grief recovery group. Those can be such an important part of the healing process, as you well know! Thank you for your kind words, friend.
When my mom first died, I just wanted her back–at least for a final goodbye and hug, but preferably for a few more years. I knew that wasn’t possible, but that’s what I longed for. Her sudden death was probably the best way for her to go. She hadn’t wanted a lingering illness. She had heart trouble and got depressed over hospital stays. But that quick and unexpected home-going was hard on the rest of us.
Years later, though, contemplating what it must be like in heaven with Jesus–I knew I couldn’t wish her back, even if it were possible.
Elisabeth Elliot said something like if God had told us more about heaven, we would not be able to get anything done here for anticipation. Maybe that’s one reason He hasn’t told us more. Or maybe He just wants us to live by faith that heaven is better than what we have here.
Another thought re if your parents has been alive during Covid–you probably would not have been able to see your mom in the nursing home. So many faculties were locked down, especially in the early days. My sister shared a heart-breaking video of going with her best friend to see her dad in assisted living then. They couldn’t go in, but an aide brought her friend’s father to a glass door where they could at least see each other and wave. But he was confused, waved a bit and then went back to his room.
Well, once again, I’ve written a small book in your comment section….
By the way, saw an interesting article last week on whether our loved ones watch us from heaven: https://www.thegospelcoalition.org/article/loved-one-watching-heaven/
I saw this article too. Such a good perspective … thanks for sharing!
You know I love your comment “books,” Barbara! I’m sorry you didn’t get that final good-bye with your mom. I haven’t experienced unexpected loss but I can imagine how gut-wrenching it must be. That’s a good point about the nursing homes during Covid. It breaks my heart to think of so many families who were separated for so long or who didn’t get to say good-bye to an elderly mom or dad during that time. So sad.