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Lois Flowers

When Going through the Motions is the Best Way Forward

by Lois Flowers
by Lois Flowers

Inside: Even though we can’t spot measurable growth, we still might be making progress. Keep reading to discover when going through the motions isn’t just OK, it’s necessary. ~

I feel like I’m just going through the motions. 

Perhaps you’ve heard people say this about a relationship, their work or their spiritual lives. Perhaps you’ve even said it yourself.

Chances are, it was presented as a negative. If you’re going through the motions, something is wrong, right?

Not Necessarily

There are scenarios when going through the motions, especially when it’s long-term and habitual, is not a healthy way of living. Like in a marriage, when husband and wife are like two ships passing in the night, day after day.

But there are other circumstances when going through the motions isn’t just OK, it’s necessary. Take physical therapy, for example. It involves literally going through specific prescribed motions to heal from injury, strengthen muscles and relearn vital movements.

Any kind of exercise involves repetitive motion, in fact. I think of this quite often when I’m running in the summer.

Step by Step

I don’t look forward to stepping out into the Kansas heat and humidity several mornings a week. As sweat pours down my face, I want to give up with every slogging step.

But I force my legs to keep going through the motions. And before I know it, I’m back at home. I might hate it while I’m doing it, but it’s good for me, so I keep after it.

We’d never criticize anyone else for going through the motions while exercising. So let’s not be too hard on ourselves when it feels like we’re doing the same in other parts of life.

A Spiritual Lifeline

Different seasons bring different feelings and challenges. Those of us who are naturally routine oriented often have to become more flexible so we can go with the flow when our plans are disrupted.

Sometimes, though, going through the motions is the only source of stability we might have. Even when it comes to our spiritual lives.

Prayer and Bible reading shouldn’t feel like drudgery all the time, but they do take effort and commitment. There’s a reason they’re called spiritual disciplines, not spiritual fun.

A Holy Example

Praying for the same needs and concerns day after day might get old to us, but if the words come from the heart, what’s the problem? When Jesus was teaching His disciples to pray, He didn’t say, “OK, guys, here’s a sample prayer but you have to change it up every week so it doesn’t get stale.”

No, He said, “You should pray like this,” and proceeded to share what we know of as the Lord’s Prayer (see Matthew 6:9-13). We’d be hard pressed to find a collection of words that have been offered in prayer more than this model petition.

The Jewish people repeated many prayers from the scriptures during various holidays, festivals and daily rituals. Repetition didn’t diminish their power or importance; it reinforced it.

The Heart of the Matter

What’s the difference between sincere repetition and going through the motions, spiritually speaking? Either is better than nothing, I think. But motivation is at the root.

We live in an emotionally based world, but long-term relationships—including our relationship with Jesus—aren’t built on emotion. If you sincerely desire to spend time with God but believe those moments have become rote or stagnant, don’t lose heart.

Even when we feel like we’re just going through the motions, we’re still moving. Even when we can’t spot measurable growth, we’re still making progress.

The faith muscles we’re developing in these dry seasons will serve us well later—we can be sure of that. So let’s keep going—one step at a time, one day at a time, one prayer at a time.

♥ Lois

We'd never criticize anyone else for going through the motions while exercising. So let’s not be too hard on ourselves when it feels like we’re doing the same in other parts of life. Share on X Even when we feel like we’re just going through the motions, we’re still moving. Even when we can’t spot measurable growth, we’re still making progress. Share on X

P.S. I’m linking up this week with Inspire Me Monday, #tellhisstory, InstaEncouragements, Let’s Have Coffee and Grace & Truth.

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Offer Your Best and Let God Do the Rest

by Lois Flowers
by Lois Flowers

Inside: If your assignment feels impossible and success seems unlikely, do what you know to do and trust God with the outcome. ~

The message came in that quiet way that makes me sit up and pay attention.

Put your offering on the altar.

I’d been pondering the impossibility of a project, mentally bemoaning the difficulty of the outcome I hoped for. But the message was clear. I’m supposed to do my part, and when I release it to wherever it goes, the result is out of my hands.

It’s not just out of my hands, of course. It’s in the hands of Elohim, our Creator God, who hung the stars in their places and is always doing a new thing (Isaiah 43:19).

When we place something on the altar, we’re giving it up to Him, to be consumed how He deems best.

Our Role

We are responsible for offering our first fruits—the best of what we have, of what we can do. But, contrary to what we often think, we are not responsible for providing the fire.

We can rub all sorts of sticks together, metaphorically speaking, hoping for a spark that will burst into a roaring flame. But that’s not our job.

We bring the sacrifice; God provides the flame.

Obstacles

It can be difficult to know what constitutes our best. And where the altar is. And when to lay it down, finally.

Resistance rears its ugly head in many forms. Doubt and fear trip us up. Comparison and the possibility of rejection make us think we’re better off not even trying.

But whatever our offering is—a book we’re writing, a ministry opportunity, a new blog or newsletter, a service we hope to offer, some kind of curriculum, etc.—at some point, we need to take the next step.

To place it on the altar and see what God has planned.

What Now?

I don’t know what offering you might need to put on the altar as 2023 draws to a close. My guess is that it’s something different for each of us, and that we each have our own set of apprehensions about what might happen when we finally put it out there.

God has not given us a spirit of fear, though. So whatever it looks like, let’s lay our offerings down together, trusting that He who has begun a good work in us will not fail to complete it.

♥ Lois

We can rub all sorts of sticks together, hoping for a spark that will burst into a roaring flame. But that’s not our job. We bring the sacrifice; God provides the flame. Share on X When we place something on the altar, we’re giving it up to God, to be consumed how He deems best. Share on X

P.S. I’m linking up this week with Inspire Me Monday, #tellhisstory, InstaEncouragements, Let’s Have Coffee and Grace & Truth.

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How God Comforts and Provides as Seasons Change

by Lois Flowers
by Lois Flowers

Inside: What a bumper crop of hedge apples tells us about seasons of life, how death doesn’t get the final word, when closed doors help us walk by faith, and a powerful quote about contentment. ~

For the last several weeks, it’s been raining Osage oranges in my backyard.

I go out on the weekend and gather them all up, and by the following Saturday, the patio is covered again.

It’s not always like this. Some years, the trees that produce what are commonly known as hedge apples drop relatively few of their fruits in the fall.

This year, however, they produced a bumper crop even while many of the other plants and evergreens in the yard—mostly chosen specifically for their drought tolerance, by the way—struggled to thrive in the dry conditions.

I have no idea why this is, but my metaphor-loving mind can’t escape the irony.

Ebb and Flow

With Osage orange trees and in our actual lives, seasons ebb and flow. Some are marked by growth, others by decline or stagnation. Some are full of joyful abundance, while others overflow with stress, busyness or grief.

Just this past week, we passed the two-year mark of my father-in-law’s death, a friend’s husband died unexpectedly and I heard of a sad diagnosis in another friend’s family.

Combine those personal experiences of grief and sadness with what is going on in the world, and it seems as if death is having the final word these days.

And Yet, It’s Not

Near the end of the week, something my dad said during a family crisis was circulating in my heart. I shared a few thoughts about it on Instagram at Remembering Our Parents, and it seems fitting to share it here too.

A few years before my mom died, she experienced a medical emergency with a very uncertain outcome. I’ll spare you the details; let’s just say both her quality of life and her life itself were hanging in the balance.

Early on, when receiving dire information from doctors and social workers, I heard my dad say this more than once: “I don’t know how you feel about these things, but we’re Christians, and we don’t believe that death is the end.”

Despite the intensity of the situation, he was kind and calm, steadfast and full of conviction. Watching him taught me more about faith and how to respond in a crisis than I’d ever learned before.

By the time it was my turn to be in his seat, making medical decisions and hearing sad news about either one of my parents, it just seemed natural to share what we believed about God’s sovereignty and timing, as well as the assurance I had that I would see them again.

I wouldn’t have been able to speak like that had I not listened as my dad did it before me.

When God Provides

Speaking of Remembering Our Parents, it’s still very new, so I’m always looking for ways to get the word out about it. This is slow going, and sometimes gets discouraging.

Even so, as I wrote last week, when a door closes, that too is an answer. When we get a no, we can mark that possibility off the list and move on.

More than anything, this girl who likes to plan way ahead is learning that God provides when the need arises. Not necessarily ahead of time, from our perspective, but always on time, from His.

This isn’t always comfortable, but it does teach us to walk by faith.

If your mom or dad is no longer with us, I’d love for you to check out @RememberingOurParents on Instagram. Follow along, and consider sharing a brief memory about your parent this holiday season. You can find all the details, including a user-friendly submission form, right here.

Our stories matter, and that includes our stories about our beloved parents.

One Final Thought

As we move into the holiday season, Pastor Colin Smith of Open the Bible offers some powerful guidance about how to foster contentment in any season of life:

“Make more of your joys than you do of your sorrows. Make more of your gains than you do of your losses,” he writes. “Do this in your thinking, in your speaking, and even in your praying, and you will grow in contentment.”

Happy Thanksgiving, friends! I’ll see you back here in a few weeks.

♥ Lois

I don’t know how you feel about these things, but we’re Christians, and we don’t believe that death is the end. Share on X God provides when the need arises. Not necessarily ahead of time, from our perspective, but always on time, from His. Share on X

P.S. I’m linking up this week with Inspire Me Monday, #tellhisstory, InstaEncouragements, Let’s Have Coffee and Grace & Truth.

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Do You Want God to Tell You What’s Next?

by Lois Flowers
by Lois Flowers

Inside: Listening when God says stop, examining our motives before we post and moving forward without a detailed plan. ~

Has God ever spoken to you directly? Not in an audible voice, but in a way that you knew it was Him?

I can’t say with 100 percent certainty that this has happened to me, but I think it has.

I’ve been pondering this because right now I’d really love a direct message from God about what I’m supposed to do next. I hear a little voice in my mind that sounds good, but then I think, maybe that’s just me.

When It’s Not Just Me

I go back to those few times when it seemed as if God spoke, and I notice a few commonalities. I remember where I was. And each time, it was a sense that I was supposed to not do something or stop doing something.

Don’t write about that.

Don’t say that.

Stop that.

Never a step-by-step plan of how to proceed, or even a single next step.

Here’s an Example

Earlier this year, I was tossing clothes in the dryer and thinking about daughter Molly’s upcoming high school graduation. As I often do, I started writing in my head—about how sparse my resume is because I’ve mostly “just” been a stay-at-home mom all these years, and whether I made a mistake by not doing more professionally during that time.

I hadn’t gotten very far with this train of thought when I heard the still, small Voice—loud and clear over the laundry room noise. You’re not going to write that.

(By the way, this happened right after I had Covid, when the illness and accompanying inability to exercise had plunged me into an uncharacteristic mental funk.)

I Heeded the Message

I knew my thoughts were coming from a place of insecurity, so they needed to be filtered through the lens of truth and reality before they could ever be turned into words on a page (or a screen).

You see, over the years I’ve learned how important it is to pay attention to the motivation behind my writing. When an idea flows from a desire for validation or affirmation, for example, I need to proceed with caution, if at all.

On the other hand, if I simply wish to encourage others—even when I need the same words of encouragement myself—I’m usually OK to keep going.

Stop That!

A “stop-doing-that” divine directive came early in my blogging days, when I was slightly obsessed with pageviews, subscribers and comments. (Perhaps you’ve already guessed that this, too, was largely driven by an unhealthy need for affirmation.)

I had just gotten out of the shower one morning when this message filtered through my mind and heart: Quit looking at the stats.

Once again, I listened. Except for a period last fall when I took a blogging class that proved not to be very helpful, I’ve mostly stayed away from the stats page.

Checking Our Hearts

I’m not suggesting other bloggers follow my example in this, especially if they want to grow their audience. But I would encourage all of us who post anywhere—Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, Substack, etc.—to examine our motivations before we ever share a single word.

Are we trying scratch an itch that should really be soothed by a friend, loved one or perhaps even the Holy Spirit? If so, it might be better to hold off on the post for a while, or forever.

Over time, my need for external validation has lessened as I’ve grown more comfortable and confident in God’s design and ways of working in my life. Which brings me back to my original conundrum: When is He going to tell me what to do next?

Maybe you’re asking a similar question. Based on past experience, I only have one answer for both of us.

Stop worrying about what’s next and focus on what’s now.

Now What?

I don’t know about you, but there’s a whole to-do list of work sitting in a notebook on my kitchen island, just waiting to be tackled.

Some of it may lead to other work, some of it may not. Doors might slam shut tight, while perhaps one or two will open.

At some point, that still small Voice may let us know it’s time to stop, to let it go, to move on to something else.

But we won’t know unless we complete what’s right in front of us, will we?

Good News

As we think about potential rejection, let’s remember that no is a perfectly good answer.

Sure, it might sting and disappoint for a while. But if we hold our plans and dreams loosely—though not so loosely we let them slip away entirely—and pray for God’s will to be done regarding each one, each time we get a no we can mark that off our list and trust that He has something else in mind for us.

Dealing with possible future rejection isn’t our assignment for today, though.

Time’s a wastin. Let’s get busy and see what happens.

♥ Lois

Pay attention to the motivation behind your writing. When an idea flows from a desire for validation or affirmation, proceed with caution, if at all. Share on X When we post on social media, are we trying scratch an itch that should really be soothed by a friend, loved one or perhaps even the Holy Spirit? Share on X

P.S. I’m linking up this week with Inspire Me Monday, #tellhisstory, InstaEncouragements, Let’s Have Coffee and Grace & Truth.

Photo by Esther Ware.

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Drought, Divine Preparation and God’s Good Gifts

by Lois Flowers
by Lois Flowers

Inside: It might look like drought to us, but what if it’s also God’s way of helping us let go? Plus some link love to help celebrate a non-milestone birthday. ~

It’s so dry, even the weeds are dying.

That was my first thought as I dragged the hose around my neglected flower bed a few weeks ago. It’s fall, so we should have been getting rain here in Kansas. At the time, though, the dryness of the last several seasons showed no sign of leaving, discouraging the heart of this low-maintenance gardener to no end.

(I water newly planted perennials, of course, but drought tolerance is high on my list of non-negotiable characteristics when I make additions to my garden areas.)

Thankfully, the rain finally came last week. But even now as I look around—at my formerly thriving hosta patch, at the stunted foliage of my beloved Siberian irises, at a puny cluster of peonies that originated in the rich soil of my childhood home—I can’t help but wonder.

Deep in my heart, where God seems to prepare the soil of my life long before I’m aware of it, is this the start of the letting go?

God’s Good Gifts

We’ve lived here since 2011. It’s been a great house, and an even better home.

I love the kitchen we remodeled a few years ago, the home theater Randy designed in the basement, the numerous garden patches, all the built-in bookshelves.

But now that both daughters are in college, we’re not tied to this location anymore. Randy dreams of a house with a detached shop. I long for a place with a view—maybe where I can see the sunrise out one window and the sunset out of another. (I know such homes exist because my mother-in-law lives in one.)

I’m content where I am, but I’ve been praying for our next place for a long time. Which is why I noticed what children’s author and editor Amanda Cleary Eastep wrote on Instagram recently. “I once asked God for a small patch of woods,” she said. “Sweetly answered.”

Her words remind me that God loves to give His children good gifts, when they align with His good will for their lives. So I will continue to pray, trusting that He will lead us to our next place if and when the time is right.

Link Love

In the meantime, I have a birthday coming up in a few days. To celebrate, I thought I’d share some blog posts that have struck various chords with me lately.

First up, “The Size of Your God is More Important Than the Size of Your Strength” by Michele Morin.

She writes: “When the weight of my own small assignment bears down and I feel the excuses begin to bubble up, I’m learning to let truth inform my feelings.”

I relate to many of Lisa Brittain thoughts in “It’s Why I Write.”

“Loss is normal in this broken world,” she says. “My solace, and my sanity, is that my name is carved upon His hands. I will not be a known writer on earth. It doesn’t matter. I write so He can help me sort and throw out thoughts and feelings that are not of Him.”

Randy and I have been married almost two decades longer than my sweet friend Ashley Rowland, but I appreciated her perspectives in “11 Simple Things I’ve Learned in 11 Years of Marriage.”

“We agree on all kinds of issues, which is wonderful to have in a marriage,” she writes. “But then there all kind of differences, too. Whether it’s our personalities or preferences or opinions, differences are also important. With our differences, we cover more ground.”

Finally, in honor of my birthday, I’ll end with a piece by Tim Challies titled “No Fear of Old Age.”

“Old age is the crescendo, the climax, the denouement,” Challies says. “It is the beautiful and powerful ending to something precious, something wondrous. It is no more to be dreaded than the final chapter of a great story, no more to be feared than the closing film of a trilogy.”

• • •

Let me know if any of those posts resonate with you too. Also, I’m not hitting a milestone age this year. But if you have any words of wisdom for someone who’s about to turn 53, feel free to share them in the comments.

♥ Lois

Deep in my heart, where God seems to prepare the soil of my life long before I’m aware of it, is this the start of the letting go? Share on X God loves to give His children good gifts, when they align with His good will for their lives. Share on X

P.S. I’m linking up this week with Sweet Tea & Friends, Inspire Me Monday, #tellhisstory, InstaEncouragements, Let’s Have Coffee and Grace & Truth.

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Share Four Somethings: October 2023

by Lois Flowers
by Lois Flowers

Inside:  A blog anniversary, a sad-but-hopeful book, what to remember when the answer is no, and what I did with my funeral dress. ~

In the blur that was September, I completely missed my blog anniversary.

Nine years doesn’t come with all the bells and whistles of other milestone dates, but it can still be noteworthy. At times, remarkably so.

For example, in our ninth year of marriage, Randy and I adopted our first child. I could write an entire book’s worth of blog posts about how that event, along with the subsequent addition of daughter No. 2 three years later, changed our lives for good.

The ninth anniversary of this blog doesn’t come close to all that in terms of significance. But when something has been an important part of your life for that long, it’s still helpful to pause for a moment and reflect on it.

How We Got Here

Several years after entering the blogosphere with a space called “Waxing Gibbous,” I transitioned to a tagline of “Strength for Today • Hope for Tomorrow.” The change came the year after my parents died, when I was looking for ways to be more intentional about encouraging readers to persevere in their own lives and faith.

That remains my passion today. And I’m so grateful to all of you who have followed along, for however long you’ve been here.

By the way, if you visit occasionally from blog linkups or other places, I would love for you to subscribe so you don’t miss a thing. Look for the heading “Follow Blog Via Email” on the sidebar, enter your address and follow the instructions in the email you receive.

Now that we’ve looked back nine years, it’s time review the last several weeks with the latest installment of Share Four Somethings. Starting with …

• Something Loved

I love it when I have the opportunity to meet blogger friends in person. On our way to North Dakota in September, Randy and I stopped to say hi to Trudy Den Hoed, who has been a huge encouragement to me for many years. We initially met up with Trudy and her husband on an earlier trip north, and it was good to see them again.

Later in the month, I had the joy of meeting Natalie Ogbourne for the first time. I think I first connected with Natalie in my comment section, then later reached out to her on Instagram for some advice when my family and I were planning our first trip to Yellowstone National Park. (Her Instagram name is “Your Yellowstone Guide,” if that tells you anything about her knowledge and enthusiasm about this incredible place.)

I was traveling through her vicinity last month, and we got together in Pella, Iowa, for coffee and a lovely conversation. It’s always fun when you look down at your watch, realize you’ve been talking for 1 1/2 hours and wish it wasn’t time for you to get back on the road.

• Something Read

It’s been a while since I shared quotes from a book that was especially meaningful to me. This month, I have several from Hope Is the First Dose: A Treatment Plan for Recovering from Trauma, Tragedy, and Other Massive Things by Lee Warren.

Warren is a neurosurgeon and former combat surgeon in Iraq. He’s written about those facets of his life in other books, but in this one, he focuses primarily on the tragic loss of his nineteen-year-old son.  It’s a profoundly sad story, but I appreciated Warren’s insights about grief, loss and recovering from traumatic events. Here’s what he has to say about …

The importance of remembering:

“There’s a huge amount of power in memory: not in going back and looking at all the mistakes, all the fear and shame, but in remembering the fact that whatever you felt in times past, somehow God got you through it. He made it possible for you to survive it.”

What feelings can lead to:

“Feelings are not facts but rather neurochemical events that can be challenged,” Warren writes. “But left unchecked they reliably produce a set of thoughts and behaviors that we program into our muscle memory over time: When I feel this, I think that, eat this, drink that, buy this, do that, say this, call that person, blame this person, etc. Thoughts become things.”

Physical and emotional rehab, and deciding not to participate in our own demise:

“We must believe that the pain of moving forward will produce improvement and healing, while the slow failure of staying put will lead only to more, and eventually inescapable, agony.”

and

“We cannot wait to be pain-free before we decide to fight for life again, because life is never pain-free, and some things never stop hurting.”

• Something Learned

No is an answer.

I didn’t really learn this, but I was reminded of it.

Truth is, doors sometimes remain shut when we knock. If we are holding our desires loosely and trying to trust God with every outcome, the sting of no is tempered by the truth that He knows what is best for us.

In other words, if the answer we were hoping for didn’t come, it’s not part of His loving plan. No matter how disappointing it is in the moment.

• Something Shared

In a post called Grief Notes, my friend Linda wrote about losing eight loved ones in eight years, and what allowed her to “experience grace toward [herself] in the immensity of it all.”

Her words about how God has healed her heart prompted me to share a recent example of how I’ve seen that in my own life. Here’s what I wrote in my comment to her:

“Just last week, I pulled out the black dress I’ve only ever worn to my parents’ funerals to see if it would work for a fundraising banquet for a local crisis pregnancy center. It was perfect. No lingering sadness, just the thought that my parents would have supported the cause too if they were still here. Wearing the dress again felt like a kind of redemption, if that makes any sense.”

What I didn’t mention was that, while I happily wore the dress, I decided to donate my funeral shoes. They hurt my feet and I never really liked them anyway.

The moral of the story? As we heal from our grief, we get to decide what to bring with us into a more joyful future and what we’d rather let go of for good.

• • •

Now it’s your turn. Have you celebrated any significant “off-year” anniversaries in your life? Read any good books lately? Learned or relearned any lessons? Please share in the comments, or tell us a different way you’ve seen God working in your life lately.

♥ Lois

Sometimes doors remain shut when we knock. But when we hold our desires loosely, the sting of no is tempered by the truth that God knows what is best for us. Share on X As we heal from our grief, we get to decide what to bring with us into a more joyful future and what we’d rather let go of for good. Share on X

P.S. I’m linking up this week with sharefoursomethings, Inspire Me Monday, #tellhisstory, InstaEncouragements, Let’s Have Coffee and Grace & Truth.

Fall photo by Esther Ware.

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