Author

Lois Flowers

4 Scriptures Providing Comfort in a Season of Transition

by Lois Flowers August 8, 2023

by Lois Flowers

Inside: My younger daughter is leaving for college in a week. How I’m feeling about that, plus timeless promises that can bolster our hearts through seasons of change. ~

One week from today, we’ll load the cars and take our younger daughter to college.

I’ve written some unbelievable words in my life—thoughts about events I still can’t wrap my head around, years after they happened. The idea of taking Molly to college does not fall into that category. It’s part of growing up—the next right step for her, and also for her parents.

And Yet …

A text from a friend in the same season of life is helping me articulate how I feel right now.

“How’s your mama heart as the day draws near to take Molly to JBU?” she wrote.

It’s good question. Last spring, as my sweet girl was wrapping up her final days of high school, I spent several weeks wondering, questioning and even worrying about how all this was going to feel and what I was going to do next.

Eventually, these anxious thoughts morphed into curiosity. I still don’t know how it’s all going to turn out, but rather than fret about it, I decided to take it as it came. One transition at a time, one decision at a time, one feeling at a time.

And Now Here We Are …

I love being Molly’s mom. She’s a unique person—fun, logical, creative, thoughtful, comfortable in her own skin. I will miss her terribly when she goes to college.

She will have the usual challenges to work through when she gets there—greater adjustments than she’s ever had to make, and many of them. She’ll manage, though, I’m sure of that.

At the same time, not knowing what all that is going to look like is tough for this mama’s heart, especially given my well-known propensity to read the end of the book first.

Midnight Musings

And then there are the thoughts that come to me in the middle of the night, the time when I’m most likely to process what’s going on in my life from every conceivable (and often unexpected) angle. Turns out, what I’m remembering most during these times is not Molly’s childhood, but my own transition to college.

I didn’t experience much of this when older daughter Lilly went to college in the fall of 2020. Maybe that’s because I was so happy she got to go at all, given what was happening in the world at the time.

And perhaps also because Molly was still at home. To use a possibly outdated colloquialism, the empty nest phase just hits different.

Where I End Up

Whatever the reason, that’s where my wakeful ponderings have taken me in the days leading up to Molly’s launch. I go round and round, memories chasing regrets chasing feelings, until—inevitably and thankfully—God brings me back to my favorite Bible verse.

“The Lord himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged.” (Deuteronomy 31:8, NIV)

God’s presence comforted and protected me when I left home for the first time, and it will do the same for Molly. I can trust in that, and be grateful for it too.

Longtime Inspiration

Other scriptures are coming to mind during this season of transition too. Not surprisingly, the verses bolstering my heart the most also are those that have meant the most the longest.

There’s Psalm 139:16b: “All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be.”

This promise was foundational when we were waiting to become parents—anticipating the arrival of each daughter through adoption—and when my own parents were nearing the ends of their lives. Now, again, it steadies my heart when I remember it also applies to each member of my family in our current stages of life.

Finding Joy

Ditto for Psalm 16:11: “You will show me the path of life; in Your presence is fullness of joy; at Your right hand are pleasures forevermore.”

This verse gave me courage during the saddest, most exhausting season of my life to date. These days, in the midst of normal transitions and exciting possibilities, it reminds me that God is still guiding our steps and remains our source of joy, no matter what we’re feeling at any given moment.

Finally, as I consider all the growth that surely lies ahead for my girls—and for me, and you too—I can’t help but think about Philippians 1:6, a verse I’ve underlined in nearly every Bible I’ve ever owned:

“And I am sure of this, that he who began a good work in you will bring it to completion at the day of Jesus Christ.”

I’m hopeful our lives will include many future blessings. I also understand that God often uses circumstances and events that we would never choose to accomplish His purposes and good works. Whatever that looks like for us and our loved ones, we can trust that He will see us through and hold us fast.

Just as He has always done.

♥ Lois

God’s presence comforted and protected me when I left home for the first time, and it will do the same for my daughter. I can trust in that, and be grateful for it too. Share on X I’m hopeful our lives will include many future blessings. I also understand that God often uses circumstances and events that we would never choose to accomplish His purposes and good works. Share on X

P.S. I’m linking up this week with Inspire Me Monday, #tellhisstory, InstaEncouragements, Let’s Have Coffee and Grace & Truth.

August 8, 2023 20 comments

What Happened When the Wi-Fi Went Down (And Other Summer Adventures)

by Lois Flowers August 1, 2023

by Lois Flowers

Inside: It all happened in July: Finding the best watermelons, launching Remembering Our Parents, learning Canva, and enjoying a few days without the internet. ~

A couple of weeks ago, the internet went down at the Flowers house. It wasn’t due to a local outage or anything—it was just us.

Apparently, Wi-Fi plays such a huge role in our lives that when it went down, I was almost surprised to find that the refrigerator and lights still worked. As if the internet also controlled our electricity. (It doesn’t, at least not yet.)

Over the next few days, Randy worked with the company to figure out what was wrong and get our service back up and running. I’m thankful for his efforts, but I have to say, when it came back on, I was a little sad.

Unexpected Blessing

I may be the only one at my house who feels this way, but being without Wi-Fi was kinda refreshing. I had to reschedule some Zoom calls, and when I wanted to check my email, I used the hotspot on my iPhone.

Other than that, I didn’t miss the convenience of checking Google whenever I had a question about something or thought I needed some bit of information. I enjoyed the evenings of reading books and playing cards with Randy and the girls.

I was also very, very grateful that it was the internet that went down and not our electricity. Especially over the next few weeks, when the temps soared into the upper 90s and our AC ran nonstop.

We had an unexpected thunderstorm last night and the heat has subsided a bit today. Which has refreshed my brain just enough to squeeze out a tardy Share Four Somethings for July, starting with …

Something Loved

I love a good watermelon. Juicy, sweet, firm, bright red—you get the idea.

Sadly, though, I’m usually disappointed when I plunge my king-size knife into a melon only to discover the fruit inside is pale and squishy. I’ve threatened to take Wal-Mart up on its Fresh Guarantee, which promises 100 percent money back on anything perishable, but I’ve yet to follow through.

Instead, I’ve decided to take my watermelon shopping elsewhere. And so far, so good.

I bought this watermelon several weeks ago at a grocery store chain in our city. Last week, I got another one there. Both times, I cracked the melons open to juicy red goodness. (Thanks, Hy-Vee.)

Something New

A few weeks ago, I introduced Remembering Our Parents, an Instagram community for all of us who have moms and/or dads who are gone but definitely not forgotten.

Here’s how the account bio explains it:

Our parents. We loved them. We miss them. We want others to know how much they meant to us.

That’s what this space is all about—remembering our parents.

By doing so, we honor their lives. We share their wisdom. And we encourage each other as we continue on without them.

I host Remembering Our Parents, so I create posts, answer questions and curate the conversation. But one way this new space is different from other Instagram accounts is that it is mostly built around follower stories.

If you have a parent you remember fondly, you can learn more about Remembering Our Parents here. If you’re on Instagram, I’d love for you to follow the account. And please consider sharing a short story and photo of your own.

I’m so thankful for friends who have already joined the community, contributed memories and shared about it on their own creative platforms (see here and here). I’m working on ways to nurture growth, but as we move forward, I’m holding it all loosely.

However it happens, it will grow in accordance with God’s plan, in His timing. And I’m OK with that.

Something Learned

One of my biggest hurdles in starting Remembering Our Parents was learning how to use Instagram differently than I do on my personal account. I received some very helpful coaching from Ruthie Gray over at Authentic Online Marketing, and I also invested in the professional version of Canva.

The learning curve associated with this online graphic design tool was a little steeper than I expected. But once I dusted off the part of my brain that used to enjoy this sort of work and figured out a few ins and outs of the program, it’s been fun to produce content to post between follower stories.

Here are a few examples:

Something Eaten

Now that I’ve made them myself, I see why Lu Aussem’s Devil Cakes won the Silos Baking Competition that aired earlier this summer on the Magnolia Network.

Joanna Gaines and the other judges loved the nostalgic story behind the recipe, and they were intrigued by the filling, which starts with a cooked mixture of flour and milk.

I found the recipe in an article on People.com. It’s time-consuming, but also straight-forward and totally worth the effort.

In other foodie news, I’m still making pizza every Thursday night. I bought a pizza stone and a pizza peel. I’ve settled upon sauce and crust recipes that I love. Now I’m trying to be more creative with toppings.

I usually make two small pizzas each week—a pepperoni pie for my girls who like what they like, and another for me and Randy, who tend to be more adventurous in our pizza eating. I need all the help I can get, so hit me up with your favorite combinations, if you please.

• • •

Now it’s your turn. Has your electricity or Wi-Fi gone down this summer? Do you have any tried-and-true tips for choosing a good watermelon? Most importantly, do you know what a pizza peel is? (I didn’t, until I discovered I needed one.) Send me your thoughts, along with your own list of Something Loved, New, Learned, Eaten or any other category that comes to mind.

♥ Lois

I'm very grateful that it was the internet that went down and not our electricity. Especially over the next few weeks, when the temps soared into the upper 90s and our AC ran nonstop. Share on X I’m working on ways to grow @RememberingOurParents, but I’m holding it all loosely. It will grow in accordance with God’s plan, in His timing. And I’m OK with that. Share on X

P.S. I’m linking up this week with Share Four Somethings, Inspire Me Monday, #tellhisstory, InstaEncouragements, Let’s Have Coffee and Grace & Truth.

August 1, 2023 30 comments

Heart-to-Heart Encouragement from Past Hard Seasons

by Lois Flowers July 25, 2023

by Lois Flowers

Inside: A personal story that still brings me to tears, what helped when I lost my voice in the wilderness, and what to do if you want to know God as your Father. ~

This summer I’ve been going through old emails, trying to pare my inbox down from more than 8,000 messages to something, well, more manageable.

I chuckled when I ran across a series of emails from an editor at The Kansas City Star. The messages were from 2013 and 2014, when I was a reader columnist for the weekly religion section.

I remember writing the columns, but I had forgotten about the application process.

Humble Pie

Apparently, my background impressed the old-school editor but my two writing samples did not.

“I can see your journalism skills in your smooth writing,” he wrote, “but I don’t find the depth of thinking about faith or inspiration or intellectual knocks on the head.”

He offered some additional negative feedback and ended with this: “So what do you want to do—shoot me something else or call it a day?”

I chose the former option and was eventually selected to be one of the 12 columnists for the year, signing a contract to submit a piece every quarter.

What Came Next

I started blogging soon after that. In those early days, I republished each of those four columns here.

That was a long time ago, and many people who read my blog now probably weren’t reading it then. So this week I’m sharing excerpts from those four posts, with a link to each piece.

These columns represent my foray back into published writing after a long season in the wilderness. After almost nine years of blogging, they remain among the most personally meaningful pieces in my writing portfolio.

I hope you find them to be encouraging, whatever you are dealing with in your life right now.

How a Psalm I Learned as a Child Saved Me as an Adult

I once wrote an entire book about infertility. But even now, after years of writing about all sorts of very personal topics, my first post for the Star feels like one of the most vulnerable messages I’ve ever written.

“As I stood there in the shower, the song that had so encouraged me before flitted through my troubled mind and I began to sing. Shakily at first, the words pushed past the turmoil in my brain and came pouring out my mouth.

“ ‘I … will … lift up mine eyes to the hills, from whence cometh my help … my help cometh from the Lord … the Lord which made heaven and earth …’ ”

Keep reading here …

What This (Barren) Mom Thinks on Mother’s Day

This column was published near Mother’s Day. I took that opportunity to explain why I love the holiday now but have never forgotten why it is so hard for many.

“Sometimes I think I refrain from praising God publicly for his specific blessings because I don’t want to cause undo pain for someone else. I tread carefully even now, never forgetting the anguish this time of year can cause for women who are struggling to conceive. I still don’t relish going to church on Mother’s Day, because I remember. I look around and wonder, Is anyone here feeling what I used to feel? The ache, the sadness, the loneliness?”

Keep reading here …

By the way, after my editor received this piece, he sent me the following note: “Nice piece, adopted our second daughter after 10 years of not being able to have a second child.”

Guess you never know what you might have in common with someone, huh?

What I Did When I Lost My Voice in the Wilderness

In the following post, I wrote about my long-time practice of typing out my prayers. And what happened in my heart and mind as I did this.

“Day after day, I talked to God via computer keyboard. I have countless files of rambling prayers nobody will ever read, probably not even me. But through that dry time, they were my oxygen. …

“I’d sit down at my desk, exhausted, anxious, overwhelmed. I’d cast my burdens on him, one by one. I’d remind him, over and over, that apart from him I can do nothing. I clung tightly to the promise of Psalm 138:8, that the Lord would fulfill his purpose for me, even if I had no idea what that purpose might be.”

When You Want to Know God as Your Father

Finally, in this column, I used the experience of interviewing my dad about his life as a segue into knowing God as our Father.

“Personally, it’s been the things I’ve struggled with mightily—begged to be freed from, even—that have exposed my weakness and forced my dependence on God’s fatherly attributes of strength, love and compassion. He could’ve ordained an easier way for me, but because He’s my Father and has my best interests at heart, He’s often allowed the opposite.”

Introducing “Remembering Our Parents”

by Lois Flowers July 18, 2023

by Lois Flowers

Inside: Do you have fond memories of a parent who is no longer with us? Welcome to Remembering Our Parents, an Instagram community built around stories just like yours. Keep reading to learn more and discover easy ways to participate. ~

When my parents died within five weeks of each other in 2019, one of the things that helped me wade through the deepest parts of the aftermath was talking about them to people who were kind enough to listen.

Friends who also knew them, my GriefShare group, a counselor, my immediate and extended family. Not everyone wanted to go there, of course, but those who did—who let me talk and acted interested—gave me a precious gift.

I didn’t realize it at the time, but I do now.

Not Just “Part of Life”

Losing a parent is one of those things you can’t fully understand until you’ve experienced it. Losing both parents, likewise. Even then, each experience is different, each set of circumstances unique, each journey through grief individualized.

Before, I was sympathetic but just sort of considered it a normal part of life, at least when the parents were older. Now, of course, I see things differently.

Sometime after my mom died, perhaps in the days leading up to the 1-year anniversary of her death, I saw an Instagram post that touched me deeply. Someone posted a picture of her mom with a caption that said something like this: “She’s been gone 17 years and I still think of her every day.”

This Instagram friend—someone I’ve never met in person—taught me a valuable lesson that day. She helped me understand there is no expiration date on missing someone we’ve known and loved our entire lives.

It’s been four years and the grief has softened considerably. But I still love talking about my parents. Perhaps you do too, no matter how long it’s been since your mom or dad (or both) died.

A Place to Remember

Not everyone has happy memories of their parents who have passed away. There’s no shame in that—life can be complicated, to say the least.

For those of us who do remember our parents or in-laws fondly, though, what if there was a place where we could share stories about them with other people who also have lost a parent? Not a grief site or a support group, but a place to reflect and remember together?

Maybe something about how your dad used to cut up blocks of ice cream with a knife and serve it as rectangles on a plate. Or how your mom used to grab every new person who darkened the door of the church and invite them to Sunday dinner. Or that one thing your dad told you that repeats in your mind whenever you are facing a struggle or anxious event or don’t know what to do.

Gone But Not Forgotten

If this interests you, I want to invite you to check out a new Instagram account called @RememberingOurParents. Built around follower stories, this space is for all of us who have parents and parents-in-law who are gone but definitely not forgotten.

Here’s how the account bio explains it:

Our parents. We loved them. We miss them. We want others to know how much they meant to us.

That’s what this space is all about—remembering our parents.

By doing so, we honor their lives. We share their wisdom. And we encourage each other as we continue on without them.

How You Can Participate

If you’re on Instagram, follow the account. Encourage friends who also have lost parents to follow too. And, most importantly, please consider sharing a story of your own.

It’s super easy, whether you are on Instagram or not.

1. Answer a Question

First, answer ONE question from the following list in 200 words or less, using the appropriate title for your situation. (Click Story Prompts to download these questions in a printable PDF.)

I think of my mom whenever …
My dad always used to say …
I love this picture of me with my mom because …
My mother-in-law was really good at …
My dad taught me …
The most amazing (interesting, unique, beautiful, etc.) thing about my mom was …
I remember when my dad …
What I appreciated most about my father-in-law was …
One spiritual lesson I learned from my mom was …
My favorite memory of my dad is …

Don’t worry about how you “sound.” Write your answer from your heart, as if you were sharing it with a person sitting right next to you.

2. Find a Photo

Next, choose a favorite picture of you with your parent, at any point in your lives.

3. Submit Your Story

Finally, submit your story and photo using this link: Story Submission Form

If you don’t have a Google account, you can email your story and photo to rememberingourparents@gmail.com. If you have any questions, feel free to ask via email or in the comment section below.

Your parents’ lives mattered. Your memories of them matter too.

Let’s keep those memories alive as we remember our parents together.

♥ Lois

By remembering our parents together, we honor their lives. We share their wisdom. And we encourage each other as we continue on without them. Share on X Built around follower stories, @RememberingOurParents is an Instagram community for all of us with moms and dads who are gone but definitely not forgotten. Share on X

P.S. I’m linking up this week with Inspire Me Monday, #tellhisstory, InstaEncouragements, Let’s Have Coffee and Grace & Truth.

The fine print: All submissions to Remembering Our Parents are published upon approval. Posts are edited for style and consistency. Publication is not an endorsement of the beliefs or worldview of the contributor.

July 18, 2023 24 comments

Encouragement That Holds Up Through the Hardest Seasons

by Lois Flowers July 11, 2023

by Lois Flowers

Inside: There are platitudes, and then there’s truth that holds up. Keep reading for a few thoughts that provide hope and comfort during the darkest of days. ~

There are things I tell myself when the going gets especially rough. I’ve mined these bits of truth from scripture, from the rearview mirror of my own life, from watching dear ones walk through trials far greater than any I’ve ever endured.

I shared some of these thoughts here in January 2019. I had no idea that in the coming months, both of my parents would slowly decline and then die within five weeks of each other. I had no inkling of the havoc those losses would wreak in my body, mind and heart.

Flashback

I stumbled across that old blog post a few weeks ago. I was curious to see how those words I wrote to encourage others had held up during my own hard days and nights.

Turns out, they held up well, which is why I decided to share them with you again today. If you’re in the middle of a dark or heavy season, my prayer is that the following thoughts will comfort you and give you hope.

• You will not always feel how you feel today.

• It may seem like you are the only one who has ever been where you are right now, but you’re not.

• Somehow, you will get used to your new normal.

• You will find a way to live with what Ann Voskamp calls “your one broken heart.”

• Your current struggle will not always be the last thing on your mind when you go to sleep and the first thing you think about when you wake up.

• When you come out on the other side, you will be changed. Don’t try to predict it; just expect it.

• The longer you live, the more times this process will repeat itself in your life.

• God will work out what you are going through for your good and His glory.

A Few Final Thoughts

Day by day—whatever you do and however you feel—hold fast to God and His Word. Seek out His promises. Trust in His never-ending faithfulness.

Remember: He who has begun a good work in you will complete it. He will fulfill His purpose for you. He will not abandon the work of His hands.

He is with you. He is for you. He goes before you.

Always.

♥ Lois

Your current struggle will not always be the last thing on your mind when you go to sleep and the first thing you think about when you wake up. Share on X God will work out what you are going through for your good and His glory. Share on X

P.S. I’m linking up this week with Inspire Me Monday, #tellhisstory, InstaEncouragements, Let’s Have Coffee and Grace & Truth.

July 11, 2023 16 comments

How to Stop Being ‘Too Easily Pleased’ by Distractions

by Lois Flowers June 27, 2023

by Lois Flowers

Inside: Instagram reels and TV shows can be entertaining, but let’s not get so focused on the pseudo-reality our screens display that we miss the beauty of the world right in front of us. ~

As Randy and I stepped into the hotel elevator after breakfast, a woman exiting noticed my sweatshirt.

“Yellowstone,” she said excitedly. “Oh, I love that show.”

When she started talking, I thought we might briefly connect over our appreciation of Yellowstone National Park—the grandeur of which I had experienced for the first time a few months earlier.

Instead, she completely missed the point of my sweatshirt. I’ve only seen a few minutes of Yellowstone the TV show. But I suspect it comes nowhere near the actual place in any category of awesomeness.

Missing What’s Real

Randy and I got a good chuckle out of this exchange as we returned to our room. Thinking about it later, though, I wonder. How often do we miss real beauty or significance right in front of us because our minds are focused on something far less meaningful?

Like being so preoccupied with taking the perfect selfie with the Grand Canyon in the background that we forget to sit on the bench and stare down at the splendor of it full in the face. Or being so busy trying to get the best shot of Lake Michigan, or the fall colors, or our children’s laughing faces, that we fail to enjoy the actual moment as it’s happening.

C.S. Lewis takes it to a deeper level in The Weight of Glory:

“We are half-hearted creatures, fooling about with drink and sex and ambition when infinite joy is offered us, like an ignorant child who wants to go on making mud pies in a slum because he cannot imagine what is meant by the offer of a holiday at the sea. We are far too easily pleased.”

Enticed by Distractions

Maybe we haven’t fooled around with “drink and sex,” specifically. I’m guessing, though, that we’ve all been in that spot of being “far too easily pleased” with our distractions. You know what that is for you, just as I know for me.

If taking and sharing beautiful pictures brings you joy, by all means, don’t stop. I have a few blogger friends who regularly post this sort of photography. It makes me happy to see the glory they’ve captured with their phones or cameras.

Sadly, most of the photos I take of the sunrise on the running trail or the cardinals in my backyard never quite capture the beauty of the real thing.

I could get frustrated at my lack of skills or—even worse—compare my photos to someone else’s. Instead, I’m starting to realize the blessing of keeping my phone in my pocket and simply enjoying the scenery.

A Broader Application

This applies to far more than snapping pictures, by the way. Instead of endlessly scrolling through Tweets or Instagram reels, maybe we could read more full-length books. Rather than simply liking the posts of friends we haven’t seen for a long time, perhaps we could arrange to meet for coffee.

Likes are nice, don’t get me wrong. But what about the growth of a friendship? I don’t know about you, but I don’t want to be so easily pleased by what I see my friends posting on social media that I fail to reach out to them for actual face-to-face conversation.

I’m as inspired by touching Instagram posts as the next person. But I don’t want to get such a fill of them that I stop stretching my mind and heart by reading longer-length material.

I hope the lady in the elevator gets to visit Yellowstone one day, if she hasn’t already been there. As for me, our short interaction was a helpful reminder to pay attention to what’s right in front of me and make an effort to focus on what’s real and true.

♥ Lois

How often do we miss real beauty or significance right in front of us because our minds are focused on something far less meaningful? Share on X Rather than simply liking the posts of friends we haven’t seen for a long time, perhaps we could arrange to meet for coffee. Share on X

P.S. I’m linking up this week with #tellhisstory, InstaEncouragements, Recharge Wednesday, Let’s Have Coffee and Grace & Truth.

June 27, 2023 22 comments