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Lois Flowers

What to Remember When the Future Is Foggy

by Lois Flowers
by Lois Flowers

Inside: Living through a foggy season can be disconcerting and exhausting. Here’s encouragement to keep pushing through to the other side. ~

“You know the end from the beginning. You go before me and you will be with me. You will never leave me nor forsake me.* Please give me faith to trust you more, even when I can’t see into the fog.”

This snippet from my prayer journal provides a good indication of where my heart and mind have been lately. As someone who likes to read the end of books first—or at least flip to later pages to see how a current plot twist is resolved—a foggy future is disconcerting.

I suppose the future is always foggy to one degree or another, but it seems thicker during certain seasons. Amid illness or financial problems. As the empty nest looms. When a loved one is nearing death. While waiting to adopt or give birth. After an unexpected loss.

How Fog Feels

Sometimes the fog is tinged with joy and expectation; sometimes it’s weighed down by sorrow. Then there are those occasions when the way ahead is marked more by question marks than specific emotions, which, ironically, also can result in anxiety.

Other kinds of fog have more to do with the present than the future. The fog of not sensing God’s presence, of fluctuating hormones, of depression, of grief, of memory loss. I could go on, but you get the picture. You could probably add to the list yourself.

A Key Truth

Although I don’t live in an area where actual fog is common, there’s a truth about this weather condition that I think is helpful to remember. Fog is disorienting, for sure. But when it overtakes an area, the trees and street signs and houses we can’t see are still there. They’re right where they were before the fog rolled in, and they’ll be there when the fog dissipates.

The same applies to metaphorical fog in some ways.

It’s easy to get confused or turned around when we’re living through a foggy patch. When we can’t see clearly, our minds can play tricks on us. We might get paranoid or start questioning truth or facts that normally stabilize us.

When the fog lifts, as it usually does, those foundational facts and truths are right where they’ve always been. They didn’t change, no matter what we thought or felt when we couldn’t see our hand in front of our face.

What To Do

So what can we do when the fog threatens to overwhelm us?

Pray: “Send your light and your truth; let them lead me.” (Psalm 43:4) I don’t always use the same words, but some variation of this request shows up frequently in my prayers, for myself and my loved ones.

Remember: Chances are, this is not the first time you’ve faced the fog of uncertainty, sadness or chaos. How has God worked in your life during past such seasons? What specific prayers did He answer? How did the situations work out?

You Will Survive

I want to tell you that it gets easier, this pushing through the fog. And in some ways, it does. Once you live through something you dreaded or perhaps thought would take you down, it can build confidence in other areas. Not that you can do it on your own, but that you will survive.

But fog is fog. And if you’re anything like me, it can be disconcerting and exhausting, no matter how many times we go through it.

It requires us to take one step at a time. To do the next right thing. To seek help if we need it. To sometimes put ourselves on autopilot and trust that God will direct and lead us through.

He will, you know.

♥ Lois

When the fog lifts, foundational facts and truths are right where they’ve always been. They didn’t change, no matter what we thought or felt when we couldn’t see our hand in front of our face. Share on X Once you live through something you thought would take you down, it can build confidence in other areas. Not that you can do it on your own, but that you will survive. Share on X

P.S. I’m linking up this week with #tellhisstory, InstaEncouragements, Recharge Wednesday, Let’s Have Coffee and Grace & Truth.

* Deuteronomy 31:8

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When the Future Holds More Questions Than Answers

by Lois Flowers
by Lois Flowers

Inside: What to remember when you’re at a crossroads and don’t know what’s next. ~

Two notable events took place in May 1993. I graduated from college, and Alan Jackson released the iconic song “Chattahoochee.”

If you weren’t paying attention to country music three decades ago, this award-winning song shot straight to No. 1 on country radio and eventually became the top tune of the year.

I didn’t realize the song came out the same month I graduated until I sat down to write this post. I think it’s fitting, though, considering the line from the song that hits me every time I hear it on my running playlist.

“Never had a plan just a livin’ for the minute.”

Oh, the Irony

As I look back over my life in light of this lyric, I can’t escape a bit of irony. As much as I worried about all sorts of future events and circumstances, I’ve never been much of a planner.

I suppose I should clarify. When various situations arose—say, a pending job loss, a move or a loved one’s health crisis—I had plenty of plans for how they should be resolved. I didn’t hesitate to share these ideas with God in prayer, sometimes in minute detail.

This should come as a surprise to absolutely no one, but God usually didn’t implement my plans. Sometimes the things I worried about didn’t happen at all, but most of the time, the outcome looked nothing like I had spelled out.

A More Relaxed Approach

When it comes to parts of life that actually fall within my control, however, I think it’s fair to say I’m more relaxed. I have a rough to-do list for my days. But I’ve never set career goals or made outlines about where I hope to be in five or 10 years.

For the most part, this has worked out OK during my years as a stay-at-home mom of school-age kids. But that season is ending.

Molly graduated from high school last weekend. Lilly is gearing up to spend her next semester of college abroad.

The Great Unknown

All three of us are pondering questions about the future. But while the girls are in an exciting phase with many wonderful possibilities ahead of them, I find myself staring into the great unknown with scarcely a clue about what to do.

Perhaps you’re right there with me. Whether you’re anticipating an empty nest, finishing up grad school, contemplating the future without a loved one or confronting some other kind of crossroads, the questions far outweigh the answers.

For some, this might be an exciting place to be. For others, myself included, it’s easier to get excited when we know what’s coming and we have a concrete plan for how it’s going to happen.

That’s not how life usually works, however. Not mine, and probably not yours.

Zigs and Zags

When I imagine a timeline of my life, I don’t see a straight ascent from one season or job to the next. I see a lot of zigs and zags. A lot of “this prepared me for that, but I didn’t know it at the time.”

Regrettably, I see a few opportunities I turned down largely out of fear. But I also see opportunities that seemed to come out of nowhere that turned out to be wonderful.

It’s not that God wasn’t listening when I used to give him those detailed instructions about how my life should go, it’s that He had other plans for me. And perhaps for you too.

God of All Our Days

It’s God, not us, who is sovereign over our entire lifespan. As Psalm 139:16 says, “All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be.” (NIV)

This verse provided hope when Randy and I were waiting to adopt our daughters and comfort when my parents were nearing death. But I sometimes need to be reminded that it doesn’t just apply to the beginning and end of life.

It applies to all those days in the middle too, including the ones full of question marks.

Moving Forward

This might be a stretch, but I think that catchy line from “Chattahoochee” is a good starting point to help us move forward into that unknown future.

Perhaps it’s time to actually make some plans, and then offer them to God with open hands, trusting that He will complete the work He has started our lives. While we wait for the way ahead to become clear, we can live for each minute by devoting our energy and attention to the people and tasks right in front of us.

After all, in the words of the Psalmist, “This is the day the Lord has made; let us rejoice and be glad in it.” (Psalm 118:24, ESV)

• • •

Do you relate to the “Chattahoochee” lyric I quoted? Or does a line from another song—country or otherwise—describe you better in this season of your life? Please share in the comments.

♥ Lois

It’s God, not us, who is sovereign over our entire lifespan. As Psalm 139:16 says, “All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be.” Share on X While we wait for the way ahead to become clear, we can live for each minute by devoting our energy and attention to the people and tasks right in front of us. Share on X

P.S. I’m linking up this week with #tellhisstory, InstaEncouragements, Recharge Wednesday, Let’s Have Coffee and Grace & Truth.

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Hands High or Not, Our Hearts Are Still Full of Praise

by Lois Flowers
by Lois Flowers

Inside: Whatever our worship style, old hymns remind us of timeless biblical truths and turn our hearts toward heaven, where we will all praise God together. ~

“O God, our help in ages past, our hope for years to come.”

Written by Isaac Watts in 1719, these lyrics came to mind one morning the week before Easter.

Googling the song led me to Reawaken Hymns on YouTube. One guy singing old hymns set to modern music isn’t everyone’s cup of tea, to be sure. But I immediately downloaded the entire collection on Spotify—all 9 hours and 58 minutes of it—and have been listening to it ever since.

The Soundtrack of My Youth

Hymns are as much a part of my DNA as storytelling and Italian spaghetti sauce. I listen and remember: Worship services in the sanctuary of my childhood church, organ on one side, piano on the other, wooden pulpit in the middle. Standing with dear friends, red hymnal open between us, trying to match their voices as they sang the alto part.

As a girl, I preferred hymns with choruses. “Wonderful Grace of Jesus.” “I Stand Amazed in the Presence.” “Standing on the Promises.” “Trust and Obey.” I haven’t sung these songs congregationally in decades, yet the words are at the tip of my tongue as I type.

The church of my youth frowned on music with a beat. During those song services I remember so well, nary a hand rose in the air. Not even close.

I have a feeling this was difficult for my mom. She left behind her Assembly of God roots when she married my dad, but she couldn’t divorce herself from her Italian spirit.

More Free to Worship

When I was older, the churches my parents attended were much freer in their expressions of worship, which my mom enjoyed immensely. Even in her 80s, she appreciated videos of contemporary groups singing on YouTube.

“I love to watch the young people worship,” she told me.

In all the years we went to the same church, I never once witnessed my mom raise a hand in praise. Randy saw more from his perch in the tech booth, though. I will be forever grateful for his covert photography skills.

When the Spirit Moves

Hand-raising seems to be somewhat selective at the church I attend now. Certain songs prompt hands—including my own—to go up here and there, but not often during hymns. Instead, as the lines of “All Hail the Power of Jesus’ Name” or “Crown Him with Many Crowns” flood the auditorium, I’m more likely to be wiping away tears as I remember my childhood church, and, of course, my parents.

At home, though, when listening to these hymns with the catchy accompaniment, I almost can’t keep my hands down, right there in the middle of my kitchen.

Those who sing with “hands high, hearts full of praise,” as Phil Wickham’s song says, aren’t any more or less spiritual than those whose hands hold hymnals every Sunday. I don’t know how you feel about it, but in my opinion, it’s a matter of preference, personality, tradition and comfort level.

Heavenly Praise

I like to imagine the scene in heaven—folks from every tribe, tongue and nation worshipping God in the way that is most closely aligned with how He made each of us.

I can picture myself there in the heavenly throng, along with my husband and daughters, parents, siblings, friends I’ve known over the years and countless millions of strangers who perhaps will become friends in eternity. Those who went to heaven before me and those who came later—voices raised in perfect praise.

I think it might sound something like this:

O God, our help in ages past, our hope for years to come,
our shelter from the stormy blast, and our eternal home:

Under the shadow of your throne your saints have dwelt secure;
sufficient is your arm alone, and our defense is sure.

Before the hills in order stood, or earth received its frame,
from everlasting you are God, to endless years the same.

A thousand ages in your sight are like an evening gone,
short as the watch that ends the night before the rising sun.

Time, like an ever-rolling stream, soon bears us all away;
we fly forgotten, as a dream dies at the op’ning day.

O God, our help in ages past, our hope for years to come,
still be our guard while troubles last, and our eternal home!

• • •

Did you grow up with hymns? How do they fit into your worship now? Please share a favorite or two, if you like.

♥ Lois

Hymns are as much a part of my DNA as storytelling and Italian spaghetti sauce. Share on X Imagine the scene in heaven—folks from every tribe, tongue and nation worshipping God in the way that is most closely aligned with how He made each of us. Share on X

P.S. I’m linking up this week with #tellhisstory, InstaEncouragements, Recharge Wednesday, Let’s Have Coffee and Grace & Truth.

Photo Credits: Rock formations by Esther Ware; church service by Randy Flowers.
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7 Things Moms Will Always Need to Hear

by Lois Flowers
by Lois Flowers

Inside: Mothering lessons that bring gentle perspective to any season of parenting, from the terrible twos to the empty nest and beyond. ~

Throughout my mothering journey, I think I’ve learned more from fellow moms who are further down the parenting path than from any other source of wisdom besides the Bible.

Books and online articles are wonderful, and many were helpful when I was a younger mom. But as my girls moved through their teen years and the issues they encountered began to get heavier and more complex, conversations with friends who have adult children became a much greater source of encouragement.

We’ve Only Just Begun

I’ve loved being a mom all these years, and if what my more experienced friends tell me is any indication, the adventure is only beginning. It won’t look the same, of course. My presence and input in my daughters’ lives will change and vary as they grow into their adult lives.

Expectations of particular outcomes are best held loosely in every season of life, especially if they have to do with other people. But I’m hopeful my relationship with each of my girls will continue to be strong and as important to them as it is to me.

What I’ve Learned

When I think about what I’ve learned during my first two decades of motherhood, a few words of encouragement for other moms come to mind. I originally shared most of these in 2015, but they are as relevant now—for moms of any age and season of parenting—as they were back then.

1. “You’re doing a good job.”

My heart craved affirmation like this when I was newer at parenting, especially from the important women in my life. I felt so inadequate, so unprepared, so unsure of my ability to train up my little girls in the ways they should go. (Who am I kidding? I still feel this way quite often.) That’s why, whenever possible, I want other moms to hear this bit of encouragement from me.

2. “It’s not all up to you.”

You are not the ultimate authority in your child’s life; God is. Your job is to get to know your children as well as you can and make decisions based on that knowledge and the timeless truths of scripture. And remember—in God’s eyes, their story doesn’t end when they turn 18 or 21 or even 35. In fact, it might be just beginning.

3. “Don’t believe anyone else’s opinion about the worst of times.”

I know. There’s a reason those early years often are called the “terrible twos,” “terrifying threes” or “horrible fours.” There’s a reason people shudder and roll their eyes when the topic of raising teenagers, pre-teen daughters or strong-willed children comes up.

But every kid is different. Don’t automatically assume that your child is going to fit whatever stereotype people want to pin on her, at any stage of her life. Don’t expect that the next phase is going to be all sunshine and roses, but don’t expect the worst either. Take what comes, do your best and refer often to No. 2. 4. Savor the sweet and don’t fear what might come next.

If you find yourself in a season where everything seems to be going well with your family, acknowledge it. Enjoy it. Be thankful for it.

Don’t expect it to last forever, however. You never know when or where the next storm is going to hit, but you count on it coming sooner or later. You can also can rest assured that God will be there before you and will help you and your children through it.

5. “Educate yourself. But when in doubt, go with your gut.”

When the therapists, teachers or dental hygienists tell you one thing and your heart tells you another, you’re not obligated to do what they say—now or ever. This is more important in today’s culture than ever before, I think.

6. “Apologize often.”

When you’ve overreacted and everyone knows it. When you’ve raised your voice unnecessarily one too many times. When it’s your tone that needs correcting, not theirs.

Kids are forgiving, but it’s often up to the adults in their lives to give them that opportunity. And trust me on this one. You never know the difference your apology today might make in their lives when they are much older.

7. “Pray like your children’s lives depend on it.”

Because they do. When they’re living at home and especially when they are out on their own.

• • •

If you’re a mom or stepmom, what is the most significant bit of encouragement you’ve ever received about your parenting? Whether you’re a mom or not, I’d love to know what your mother or other special woman in your life did well that still impacts your life today.

Finally, if you are a mom of daughters or a daughter with a mother, you may find these posts timely or helpful.

• A Hope-filled Note for Moms of Girls

• Hope for Moms and Daughters in Every Season

♥ Lois

When the therapists, teachers or dental hygienists tell you one thing and your heart tells you another, you’re not obligated to do what they say—now or ever. Share on X In God’s eyes, your child's story doesn’t end when she turns 18 or 21 or even 35. In fact, it might be just beginning. Share on X

P.S. I’m linking up this week with #tellhisstory, InstaEncouragements, Recharge Wednesday, Let’s Have Coffee and Grace & Truth.

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One Step to Take When You’re Down or Discouraged

by Lois Flowers
by Lois Flowers

Inside: When life gets discouraging, searching for evidence of God’s goodness and faithfulness in past hard seasons gives us hope and helps us persevere. ~

I came down with Covid in mid February. A week later, after most of the physical symptoms had passed, I found myself in an unexpected low spot.

I don’t know if it was the virus or the fact that my body was missing its much-needed exercise routine. But I was feeling worse, mentally and emotionally, than I had in a long time.

Logically, I knew the negative thoughts swirling in my head weren’t true. I reminded myself why I was feeling this way. I prayed. I told myself, “This too shall pass”—again and again.

The self-talk helped some. But I remained frustrated and discouraged.

Lightbulb Moment

As I was trying to articulate my struggle to Randy, I had an idea.

“Can I tell you every single thing that is wrong or that I am feeling bad about?” I asked him as he sat a few feet away, looking up vintage Corvettes on the Internet.

My longsuffering husband barely missed a beat.

“Yes, I will listen,” he said, choosing his words carefully, “but you might need to get help from someone else.”

I’ll spare you the details, but many of my disparaging thoughts had to do what I had done with my life thus far. When Randy said “someone else,” he meant a friend who had successfully navigated the empty nest stage of life after being a stay-at-home mom for many years.

What Happened Next

Happy that he agreed to listen, my penchant for organization kicked in.

“Maybe I’ll make a list and share the list with you,” I said, picturing what would amount to the opposite of a gratitude list.

To his credit, Randy simply said OK.

Not every bout of discouragement—temporary or long-term—ends like this. That day, though, just knowing I could write down every last thing that felt rotten at the moment and share it with my husband somehow made me feel better.

It gave me an option, something tangible to do if I chose to.

A New Perspective

It’s been a few months, and I still haven’t made that list. The emotional roller coaster that had been jerking me around soon slowed and finally stopped. By that time, another message had taken root in my heart.

Remember the goodness.

When we’re stuck in the fog of sickness, uncertainty or discouragement, it’s easy to start questioning our circumstances or life choices, even ones we’ve always believed were sound. Asking God to show us the truth about those decisions is helpful.  So is reflecting on seasons where His goodness was abundantly evident.

It also can be beneficial to switch lenses and intentionally zoom in on parts of our past where God’s lovingkindness might not be immediately obvious.

Where to Look

My mind goes back to years of infertility, long waits to complete two adoptions, job losses and moves, seemingly endless hormonal challenges, learning to parent two daughters who are vastly different from one another, my parents’ last years and months.

Where’s the goodness in all that, you ask? Once I start remembering, I can hardly stop.

The providential order in which our daughters came to us. The myriad blessings that flow from their unique personalities. The flexibility that came with unexpected—and sometimes unwelcome—transitions. The way God answered specific prayers about buying and selling our homes over the years.

The closeness that developed between my dad and me in my mom’s last years. The support of immediate and extended family when my parents were declining. The relationships between my girls and their cousins that probably wouldn’t have grown as much if my parents’ health crises had not prompted so many visits from relatives.

Finding the Goodness

This type of thinking may flow more naturally if you’re a glass-half-full type person. Most of the time, though, I think we can all find a few specks of good in the bad or the hard, if we only take the time to look.

The more we look, the more we see evidence of God’s goodness and faithfulness. And the more we see, the easier it is to trust that “surely goodness and mercy will follow [us] all the days of our [lives].” (Psalm 23:6a, emphasis mine)

• • •

Whether we are currently experiencing a high, a low or a “somewhere in between,” remembering the goodness helps keep our focus where it belongs. As you think back over your life, where can you spot God’s goodness during a hard or challenging season?

♥ Lois

When you're feeling discouraged, zoom in on parts of your past where God’s lovingkindness isn't immediately obvious and see if you can remember the goodness. Share on X Most of the time, I think we can all find a few specks of good in the bad or the hard, if we only take the time to look. Share on X

P.S. I’m linking up this week with Sweet Tea & Friends, #tellhisstory, InstaEncouragements, Recharge Wednesday, Let’s Have Coffee and Grace & Truth.

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Share Four Somethings: April 2023

by Lois Flowers
by Lois Flowers

Inside: Three helpful talks about anxiety, a day of mother-daughter feels, the quest for bifocal contacts, and a Christmas cactus that finally bloomed. ~

Last week, I went to our local Fed-Ex office to mail my daughter Lilly’s visa application for her upcoming semester abroad. Later that afternoon, Molly and I met with her best friend and her mother to plan the girls’ high-school grad party.

This also happened to be the day my own mom died, four years earlier.

Plenty of mother-daughter feels, for sure.

I’m excited for my girls. I also miss my mom.

It’s the circle of life, one that countless daughters who are also mothers have experienced.

Visiting my mom at the nursing home on Easter in 2018.

My mom was always happy to see me. And I’m always happy to see my daughters.

Perhaps that’s why, despite some wonky days along the way, I’ve been feeling abundantly grateful in April. It’s gone by in a flash, as the months seem to be doing with increasing urgency these days.

Which means it’s time to link up with Jennifer for another Share Four Somethings, starting with …

Something Loved

My Christmas cactus hasn’t bloomed for several years. Most recently, because it wasn’t in direct sunlight. It grew plenty of leaves, but no flowers.

It used to be such a prolific bloomer, which made its ongoing lack of buds even more discouraging.

A few months ago, I moved the plant back to its original home by our southern-facing wall of floor-length windows. I figured I’d have to wait until next winter for results, so you can imagine my surprise when it produced a single flower, right before Easter.

I was overjoyed, to put it mildly. I took pictures (see top of post) and sent texts about it.

Who knew a single bloom could produce such a reaction? (Besides my family, of course.)

Something Read

In recent months, I’ve been on a quest for bifocal contacts. My optometrist fitted me for one type, then another. Apparently, I’m quite persnickety about my vision, because neither worked for me.

Finally, we decided to try using my regular prescription for my dominant eye and a contact with a reading-vision overlay for the other eye.

According to my doctor, about half the population can adjust to this kind of correction and the other half can’t. Given my previous failed attempts, I was certain I would fall into the latter category.

I mentally prepared myself to accept a future of putting on and taking off reading glasses constantly. (Just the thought of eye surgery gives me the heebie-jeebies, in case you were wondering about that.)

I went to the eye doctor for one last fitting. Lo and behold, the contacts worked. Not perfectly, but well enough.

I couldn’t believe it. I wasn’t a bifocal contacts failure after all.

Since then, looking at small words has taken on whole new level of enjoyment. I can read restaurant menus. The amount of sodium in a can of cream of mushroom soup. My daughter’s phone when she shows me a funny meme. The notes I’m taking in church. Recipe books with tiny ingredient lists.

I can glance down and actually see what I’m looking at, without flapping around for my reading glasses. I had no idea I was missing so much.

Something Learned

The desire for life to have a fast-forward button may never go away. But that doesn’t mean we’re doomed to anxiety over the what-ifs or frustration when we can’t see what’s ahead.

Rather, we have a wonderful, ongoing opportunity to take deep breaths, to cast our cares upon Jesus, to try to trust Him moment by moment.

This is a big part of what it means to walk by faith. I don’t know about you, but it’s also a shift I need to make over and over again.

I don’t always like it. I’d rather be able to stand still and enjoy a quiet season or run like the wind, straight into a glorious, predictable future.

But God knows what I need. He knows what you need. And He will see us through.

Something Heard

Speaking of anxiety, Louie Giglio recently preached a short series on the topic that was so good I listened to it twice. You can find it on the Passion City Church Podcast on Spotify, as well as on the church’s website.

I could share quotes, but I hope simply providing links to Giglio’s three talks from “Putting an X through Anxiety” will prompt you to check out the series. (If you do, let me know what you think.) Here they are:

• Breathing Out the Weight of Depression

• Finding Up When Anxiety Weighs You Down

• The Best Thing to do with Your Anxiety

• • •

And now for my favorite part of these monthly posts—hearing from you. How has your April been? Please let us know what you’ve been reading, learning or loving lately.

♥ Lois

The desire for life to have a fast-forward button may never go away. But that doesn’t mean we're doomed to anxiety over the what-ifs or frustration when we can’t see what’s ahead. Share on X God knows what I need. He knows what you need. And He will see us through. Share on X

P.S. I’m linking up this week with sharefoursomethings, #tellhisstory, InstaEncouragements, Recharge Wednesday, Let’s Have Coffee and Grace & Truth.

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