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Lois Flowers

Lois Flowers

Word of the Year Recap: Strength

by Lois Flowers December 21, 2021
by Lois Flowers

Years ago, when part of my work involved writing book reviews, I read a business book called Now, Discover Your Strengths. Written by Gallup Organization researchers Don Clifton and Marcus Buckingham, this bestseller asserts that the most effective way to motivate people is to develop their strengths rather than correct their weaknesses.

I don’t remember much else about the book, but the title has been a guiding light over the years, particularly when it comes to my girls’ education. I’ve encouraged them in areas of struggle, of course, but I’ve tried to focus more on helping them grow in areas where they seem especially gifted or skilled.

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December 21, 2021 26 comments
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Looking for the Light at the End of the Grief Tunnel

by Lois Flowers December 14, 2021
by Lois Flowers

During the first session of a new grief support group, the leader asked us to hold our index fingers out in front of us so we could see our fingerprints. He was emphasizing the fact that, just as every fingerprint is unique, so is each person’s journey through grief.

I didn’t have my reading glasses with me that night, so I actually couldn’t see my own fingerprint right in front of me.

Oh, the Irony

This ironic twist didn’t negate the truth of what the leader was saying, of course. But it did add another layer to his illustration—one that I’ve pondered quite a bit since then.

When grief is raw and fresh, for however long that lasts, it’s hard to see the forest for the trees.

Whether it’s exhaustion, sadness, anger, a lack of motivation or a combination of these and other factors, deep loss can make it tough to put one foot in front of the other, let alone have hope that better days could ever be ahead.

We might hear or read words like, “This too shall pass,” or “You won’t always feel this way,” but even if we understand intellectually that these thoughts are probably true, they might not take root in the soil of our sorrowful hearts.

Wisdom from the Trenches

It is possible, however, that hard-fought wisdom about grief from friends or trusted experts can serve as a lifeline or a light at the end of the tunnel for us as we work our way through our sadness.

Just as I knew my fingerprint was there even though I couldn’t see it, we can hold on to certain things about grieving that we haven’t experienced yet because people we trust have told us they are true, helpful or simply worth remembering.

For example, soon after my mom died, I received a sympathy card from a good friend who had lost both of her parents. In a sweet personal note, she encouraged me to give myself grace as I grieved.

Machine Mode

At that point, I was still in machine mode—trying to wrap my head around my mom’s death while also managing care for my dad as he rapidly declined—and I didn’t really understand what she was talking about. Later, though—after both my parents were gone and all the regrets and what-ifs were keeping me up at night on a regular basis—her words came back to me with all the comfort she had intended.

From another friend’s journey, I learned (and later experienced myself) that grief and joy can co-exist, and that it will likely always be this way until we cross over to heaven’s shore.

When the Grief Softens

Then there was a comment the facilitator of my GriefShare group made that lodged itself in my soul like the promise of spring. “When the grief softens,” she said, “the memories grow warmer.”

It’s true, what she said. The sadness might never go away completely, but now when I think of my parents, I’m more inclined to be thankful for all the years we had together and the influence they had on my life. The grief has softened, and the warm memories are a blessing.

No Rush to “Get Over It”

Finally, at some point after my mom died—maybe a month, maybe a year, I can’t remember—I read an Instagram caption that said something like, “My mom’s been gone for 20 years and I still think about her every day.”

I don’t know whether or not this will be the case for me. But reading those words helped me understand that I probably had a long road of sadness ahead of me. That I was under no obligation to “get over” losing my parents on a certain schedule. And that it’s perfectly normal to miss your mom long after she’s gone to heaven.

I don’t know where you find yourself today. I sincerely hope your holiday season has been full of joy and peace.

The Gift of Grace

But if your heart is reeling from a recent loss, exhausted from a few years of grief or even overwhelmed by a resurgence of sadness from a long-ago loss, I’ll tell you the same thing my friend told me after my mom died: Give yourself grace this Christmas.

There’s no right or wrong way to proceed through the holidays. If you’re sad, be sad. If you experience moments of joy, enjoy them to the fullest. If you feel like crying or taking a walk by yourself or spending the day shopping with your family, by all means, do it.

Above all else, remember this. Just as I couldn’t see my fingerprint but knew beyond a shadow of a doubt it was there, the same is true of God.

As we frequently recall this time of year, He is Immanuel, God with us. (Matthew 1:23) And it’s true, even if it doesn’t always feel like it.

♥ Lois

Hard-fought wisdom about grief from friends or trusted experts can be a light at the end of the tunnel for us as we work our way through our sadness. Share on X There’s no right or wrong way to proceed through the holidays. If you’re sad, be sad. If you experience moments of joy, enjoy them to the fullest. Share on X
December 14, 2021 30 comments
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How to Give a Friend a Book

by Lois Flowers December 7, 2021
by Lois Flowers

My mom once asked me to recommend some good books for her to read. I gave her a couple of titles and told her that they had been tremendously impactful in my own life. She gave them back after about a week, explaining that she just couldn’t get into them.

At first, I was hurt and frustrated. Don’t ask for books to read if you’re not going to even put forth the effort, I grumbled inwardly.

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December 7, 2021 26 comments
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How Loss Can Help Us Savor the Present

by Lois Flowers November 30, 2021
by Lois Flowers

There’s a spirea bush outside my front door that used to be in the backyard by the fence. It wasn’t really thriving there, so a few years ago, I dug it up and replanted it in the front garden.

I didn’t have high hopes for the shrub’s survival in its new spot, but I wanted to give it a chance. Happily, it seems to like it there. I didn’t really notice it much in the backyard, but now I get to enjoy delicate white flowers in the spring and pretty green leaves in the summer.

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November 30, 2021 22 comments
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Share Four Somethings: November 2021

by Lois Flowers November 22, 2021
by Lois Flowers

There are months that go by in a blur, and so far, November has been one of them.

I say this every time, but it’s hard to believe it’s already time to link up with Heather Gerwing for another Share Four Somethings post. But here we are, so let’s proceed.

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November 22, 2021 28 comments
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Help Me, Jesus

by Lois Flowers November 9, 2021
by Lois Flowers

Try as I might to feel otherwise, I was worrying about the what-ifs of a particular situation.

I was struggling, chasing my tail, vacillating between praying for God’s will to be done and foolishly wanting to ensure that my own will is done.

Every time the situation comes to mind, I need to pray about it, I thought.

A good plan, I suppose. But it actually added to my anxiousness, what with wondering what to pray and trying to “take every thought captive” when my own strength and ability to do this seemed insufficient.

As if it’s all up to me to get a handle on my fears and emotions.

In more than one passage, the Bible tells us that God knows our thoughts and the intentions of our hearts. That truth could trigger even more pressure and guilt, especially if those same thoughts are consumed with worry and anxiety. But what if we look at it a different way?

For example, when we’re worrying about tomorrow—or stressing out about what do when we start worrying about tomorrow—could it somehow help to remember that God knows every single one of these thoughts in our minds?

I think it could.

We don’t have to reiterate to him what we’re fretting about. He already knows.

We don’t have to find convincing ways to explain it, justify it or analyze it for Him. He already knows.

What we can do—what I’m finding is much easier to do than trying to replace my anxious thoughts with some kind of well-articulated prayer—is simply to say, “Help me, Jesus.”

He knows how I am formed and remembers that I am dust, after all. (Psalm 103:14) He knows that the desire of my heart is not to worry about tomorrow, even as I am doing that very thing.

I don’t know the future, but God does. I don’t know the right path, but He does.

And when I pray, “Help me, Jesus”—having no idea what that help should look like or even what the end result should be— the Holy Spirit intercedes on my behalf before our heavenly Father. (Romans 8:26-27) As one of my pastors said recently,* “It’s as if the Spirit is translating my lousy prayers into what I should really be praying.”

I don’t know about you, but I find that to be extremely comforting.

As my pastor explained, the Holy Spirit knows what God’s will is. When He intercedes for us, He’s always asking in line with God’s will, which means that it’s always for my good and for His glory. And—possibly the best news of all—“What the Spirit asks, we receive.”

In other words, when we cry, “Help me, Jesus,” He does exactly that.

Over and over again, whenever anxious thoughts start piling up in our minds, whenever what-ifs or worst-case scenarios threatens to derail us, whenever we want to write the end of the story but know it isn’t up to us.

“Help me, Jesus.”

This isn’t a one-size-fix-all remedy for fear and anxiety. But in some small-but-tangible way, it’s helping me right now. And maybe it will help you too.

♥ Lois

We don’t have to reiterate to God what we’re fretting about. He already knows. Share on X Instead of trying to replace my anxious thoughts with some kind of well-articulated prayer, I'm finding it easier simply to say, “Help me, Jesus.” Share on X

* Sermon begins around 31-minute mark. The part I’m referencing is near the 49-minute mark.

P.S. I’m linking up this week with #tellhisstory, InstaEncouragements, Recharge Wednesday, Let’s Have Coffee, Inspire Me Monday and Grace & Truth.

November 9, 2021 30 comments
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Welcome

As long as we’re here on planet Earth, God has a good purpose for us. This is true no matter how old we are, what we feel on any given day or what we imagine anyone else thinks about us. It can be a struggle, though, to believe this and live like it. It requires divine strength and eternal hope. And so I write, one pilgrim to another, in an effort to encourage us both as we navigate the long walk home together.

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