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Lois Flowers

What I Learned Then Still Encourages Me Now

by Lois Flowers
by Lois Flowers

Inside: Reading through quarterly “What I Learned” posts brings back poignant memories and highlights realizations that come during hard seasons. ~

Years ago, I wrote a quarterly blog post called What I Learned. It was a great way to look back at the previous season and take stock of the lessons that flowed from whatever was going on at the time.

I stopped doing this in 2020, probably because the blog linkup featuring the same name ended that year. But it’s always interesting to click the link when one of these posts shows up in the Related section at the bottom of my weekly blog.

When I noticed this one recently, I decided to take a deep dive into the whole series. What exactly did I learn over the years? Did those lessons hold up?

Just the Facts

Some of the seasonal takeaways were strictly factual. For example, I learned I have a small head (during Covid, when I struggled mightily to find a mask that fit comfortably).

My daughter Molly and I learned how to make Japanese steamed dumplings (it’s much easier than I thought). I learned about Cicada Killer Wasps (they are as horrifying as they sound), and that Jan Karon started writing the beloved Mitford series when she was 50 years old.

During an especially busy time, I also learned that lists are a great summer blogging strategy. (I wish I would have remembered that this year, but that’s a story for another day.)

Comforting Reminders

As I perused these old posts quarter by quarter, I discovered lessons and memories relating to specific events—some happy, many unexpected and heartbreaking—that reminded me of God’s goodness, faithfulness and sovereignty.

Seasons change, but He does not. It’s a truth that holds us fast, come what may.

This week, I thought it would be fun to share some highlights from these past posts. What I learned from What I Learned, if you will.

The original pieces include additional commentary with each point, but here, I’ll just include the primary takeaways.

Without Further Ado …

• Making progress in one area can help you make progress in others areas.

• It’s OK to abandon unfinished projects.

• If you like blingy shoes, you should buy blingy shoes.

• There’s comfort in order.

• Our happiness should not depend on someone else’s mood.

• When people inspire us, we need to tell them.

• Friendships among people who share a love of books and reading are among the best friendships of all.

• A burden shared is a burden lifted.

• When you have every reason to believe the upcoming season is going to be easy (or at least easier than it was the previous year), don’t hold on to that expectation too tightly.

• As a parent, you stop worrying about making the most of teachable moments when all of life becomes a teachable moment.

• The build-up to a Very Big Thing can seem more stressful, emotional or difficult than the actual thing.

• When you pray and ask God to show you what you need to see, He does.

• When you’re all out of words, it’s OK not to say anything at all.

• Understanding from someone who was once where you are is a rare and precious gift.

• • •

There you have it—what I learned from What I Learned. Maybe someday I’ll start doing quarterly posts like this again. In the meantime, I’d love to know which of these points resonates with you during this season of your life.

♥ Lois

The build-up to a Very Big Thing can seem more stressful, emotional or difficult than the actual thing. Share on X Understanding from someone who was once where you are is a rare and precious gift. Share on X

P.S. I’m linking up this week with #tellhisstory, InstaEncouragements, Let’s Have Coffee and Grace & Truth.

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When You Fear Your Best Days Are Behind You

by Lois Flowers
by Lois Flowers

Inside: Instead of comparing how we are now with how we used to be, let’s remember that if we’re still here, we still have good work to do. ~

Do you fear your best days are behind you?Do you know people—either personally or from afar—who have endured trials and come out on the other side transformed and increasingly confident in their faith? Individuals who exude peace, joy and gratitude when you might expect the exact opposite because of the difficulties they’ve been through?

I don’t know about you, but I love interacting with people who fit this description. Watching God use them as a result of their experiences is both encouraging and inspirational.

But what about those of us who look in the rearview mirrors of our own lives and see something different?

We notice how our struggles have changed us and fear we may never be able to do anything significant again. We look at how we are now, compare ourselves to how we used to be, and think our most fruitful years are behind us.

Sad Comparison

It’s the saddest kind of comparison, because it’s all based on a lie.

The lie is that how we were before—before loss, before disease, before the wilderness, before age, before disability, before the Mack truck plowed into us and wrecked our previous existence—was better. That we were more complete then, more desirable, more effective, more useful.

It’s a lie, but it’s so tempting to believe it.

Truth Be Told …

It’s almost easier to stop comparing our own stories to someone else’s than it is to stop comparing the current chapter of our lives to some chapter from the past.

I’m not talking about surface comparisons such as pounds on the bathroom scale or the number of gray hairs we see in the mirror. Most of us will never look or feel at 50 or 65 exactly how we did at 30 or 40, and part of growing older includes accepting that fact.

No, I’m referring to the reality that difficult seasons and earthquake events in our lives can sometimes alter our ability to minister, lower our energy level and even change our personalities.

It’s Not All Bad

Some of the changes are for the better, of course. As Romans 5:3-4 says, “Affliction produces endurance, endurance produces proven character, and proven character produces hope.” Who wouldn’t want all that?

And yet, when we look at the trial-altered versions of ourselves and examine all our scars and weak spots, it’s tempting to think we’ll never measure up again, that our best days are over, that we’re well past the point of making a difference for the Kingdom.

But even though we feel less useful, in God’s eyes, we are not.

We Still Have Work to Do

According to Ephesians 2:10, “We are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.”

Those jobs God has assigned to us? They might be different now, but they don’t dry up just because we think we’re washed up. As the 18th-century English evangelist George Whitefield put it, “We are immortal until our work here on on earth is done.”

In other words, if we’re still here, God has something for us to do.

The Bottom Line

None of us gets an advance copy of our life story. We aren’t even privy to sketchy outlines. But we do know the Author of our stories. More importantly, the Author knows us.

And as He weaves the chapters of our lives together, every chapter—however difficult—lays the groundwork for the chapters to come. If even one were missing, our stories would not make sense or be complete.

It’s tough to break the comparison habit when it comes to comparing ourselves to ourselves. But please—don’t believe the lie.

We weren’t better before. We’re more useful now.

♥ Lois

None of us gets an advance copy of our life story. We aren’t even privy to sketchy outlines. But we do know the Author of our stories. More importantly, the Author knows us. Share on X When we look how our trials have changed us, it’s tempting to think our most fruitful days are behind us. But even though we feel less useful, in God’s eyes, we are not. Share on X

P.S. I’m linking up this week with #tellhisstory, InstaEncouragements, Let’s Have Coffee and Grace & Truth.

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Reflections on 10 Years of Blogging

by Lois Flowers
by Lois Flowers

Inside:  What I’ve learned since publishing my first post has very little to do with blogging and very much to do with life, loss and God’s faithfulness through seasons of change. ~

As of last week, I’ve been blogging for 10 years.

 It’s hard to believe, honestly. Not because I’ve been at it for an entire decade, but because of all the life that transpired during that time.

 Life that I’ve written about—for me and, perhaps, for you.

Back Then

When I hit publish on my first post, my daughters were 12 and nine. My parents were still alive and, as far as anyone knew, as well as could be expected for people in their early 80s.

 Today, the girls are young adults. Lilly is working her first post-grad job, and Molly—now a college sophomore—is spending the semester in Ireland.

 My parents have been in heaven for five years, after a series of events over several years that nobody could have imagined or predicted.

As a Result …

What I know now that I didn’t know when I published my first blog post has very little to do with blogging and very much to do with aging parents and grief, God’s sovereignty and timing, holding fast and letting go.

 I’ve written about these topics along the way, but not because of some grand master plan I came up with at the outset. In those early years, when I was sharing stories about my family and my own personal struggles with fear and change, I never would have dreamed that one day I’d be writing about parent loss and God’s faithfulness during unexpected seasons of chaos and sadness.

 And yet, somehow, that’s exactly what I did.

Week After Week …

I wrote through my parents’ last years, and then I continued to write after they were gone. I wrote to process my own thoughts and feelings, but also to encourage others who had experienced a similar loss or expected to do so soon.

A couple of years ago, in a post about some devotional practices I’ve discovered since I began blogging, I wrote this:

“God will use every single thing He allows to touch His children’s lives for our good and His glory. And it’s not a huge stretch to think that He might use an earthquake as the means to shore up our foundation in way that prepares us for a future hurricane.”

Universal Experiences

Early on, I was mostly content to share stories from my life and let readers glean their own meaning from my words. Then a few of those earthquakes and hurricanes came my way, and I started realizing that, while the details of each event were unique to my family, the questions and feelings they stirred up were universal—or at least common among believers.

Because of this, my writing started to become more outwardly focused. We’re in this together, is how I see it now. And the more we can point each other to the constancy of God’s character, the comfort of His sovereignty and sufficiency of His grace, the better off we’ll be.

Whether you’ve been with me since the very first post, you’ve been reading for several years or you just subscribed last week, I’m so grateful you’re here. I can’t predict what the next 10 years—or even the next 10 months—will hold for this space. But I do hope to keep showing up here (or in your inbox) every week, sharing some bit of life or truth that might encourage us both.

 ♥ Lois

P.S. If you’d like to receive these posts in your inbox every week, simply enter your email address under the “Follow Blog Via Email” banner on the right sidebar, click the “Follow” button and confirm your subscription in the email you receive.

God will use every single thing He allows to touch His children’s lives for our good and His glory. Share on X We’re in this together. And the more we can point each other to the constancy of God’s character, the comfort of His sovereignty and sufficiency of His grace, the better off we’ll be. Share on X

P.S. I’m linking up this week with #tellhisstory, InstaEncouragements, Let’s Have Coffee and Grace & Truth.

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Learning to Trust When You Feel Stuck or Helpless

by Lois Flowers
by Lois Flowers

Inside: It’s hard to navigate that line between trusting God and taking things into our own hands. We can start by not filtering God’s promises through the lens of our expectations. ~

Years ago, my laptop was updating—very slowly—when the following message popped up: “Leave everything to us. Don’t turn off your PC.”

By this time, I was starting to wonder why the update was dragging on so long, so my first thought when I saw the message was, “Uh, that’s not very reassuring at all.”

My Hunch Was Correct

When the update finished, the entire desktop was gone, and the laptop was stuck in some kind of Groundhog-Day cycle that brought up the same troubleshooting screen no matter what option we selected.

This is not what we expect when Microsoft tells us it’s installing updates that will make our computers run more smoothly, is it? The company said it would take care of everything; instead, a documented problem with the update caused a massive headache at my house for a few days.

Randy finally spoke to a technician who was familiar with the issue. But this guy’s only solution—to start from scratch and reinstall Windows—would have caused us to lose everything since our last backup several months earlier.

Old-School Answer

Thankfully, my resourceful husband dredged up his high school computer knowledge and used DOS commands to save all the files from the laptop onto a handful of thumb drives.

Bullet dodged, problem solved, lesson learned.

All these years later, the irony of the mid-update message from Microsoft still amuses me. It also reminds me of promises in the Bible that encourage us to rely on God instead of ourselves.

“Trust in the Lord with all your heart, lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him and He will make your paths straight.” (Proverbs 3:5-6)

“Commit your way to the Lord; trust in Him, and He will act.” (Psalm 37:5)

“Cast all your anxiety on Him because He cares for you.” (1 Peter 5:7)

“Cast your burden on the Lord, and He will sustain you.” (Psalm 55:22a)

One Big Difference

God’s promises are similar to Microsoft’s, but there’s one big difference. When one of the world’s most trusted names in technology says “Leave everything to us” in the middle of an update, I fully expect my computer to work when the installation is complete.

That doesn’t always happen, of course. Although Microsoft is a powerful corporation, it’s comprised of finite, fallible human beings. The company sometimes makes mistakes it’s unable to fix.

God, on the other hand, is all-powerful, perfect and infinitely trustworthy. But when He says, “Leave everything to me,” He gives us no guarantee that we’ll get the result we want. While it’s true that He often answers our prayers in amazing, remarkable ways, we’re not buying a specific, certain outcome from Him when we choose to trust Him.

Unknown Results

Situations don’t always turn out like we hope, or wish, or might even reasonably expect. Sometimes news is bad, the answer is no, or approval is withheld. Sometimes hearts don’t change, the way gets longer, the pain gets worse.

Things can get especially sticky when we are working through situations and problems that are at least partly out of our control. It’s stressful when we lack all the information. It’s frustrating when we have to rely on other people who may not have our best interests at heart, people who do things differently than we do, or even those who may not know what they are doing at all.

Randy was able to fix our computer without any help from Microsoft. But life doesn’t always imitate technology, does it? It’s hard to know when to act and when to wait. It can be tough to see that line between trusting God and taking things into our own hands.

Worry hovers, anxiety threatens, irritability rises.

Our Only Option

In such cases, trusting Him is our only viable choice, one that must be made daily, hourly—perhaps even moment by moment. In the middle of a phone call or in the middle of the night. When work piles up around us or all we have left to do is wait.

So we pray—for wisdom, for patience, for discernment to see what’s really in front of us.

“Lord, be gracious to us! We wait for You. Be our strength every morning, and our salvation in time of trouble.” (Isaiah 33:2)

And we actively, intentionally and perhaps even verbally decide again to trust Him—not to perform a certain way or work everything out exactly how we prefer, but to be our strength and our salvation, our help and our refuge, our advocate and our hope.

When God says, “Leave everything to me,” and we choose to obey—confidently or with fear and trepidation—the promised result is far more precious than any desired outcome.

“You will keep in perfect peace the mind that is dependent on You, for it is trusting in You.” (Isaiah 26:3)

♥ Lois

God often answers our prayers in amazing ways, but we’re not buying a specific, certain outcome from Him when we choose to trust Him. Share on X It’s hard to know when to act and when to wait. It can be tough to see that line between trusting God and taking things into our own hands. Share on X When God says, “Leave everything to me,” and we choose to obey—confidently or with trepidation—the promised result is far more precious than any desired outcome. Share on X

P.S. I’m linking up this week with #tellhisstory, InstaEncouragements, Let’s Have Coffee and Grace & Truth.

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Share Four Somethings: August 2024

by Lois Flowers
by Lois Flowers

Inside: During a change-riddled summer, I’m finding peace as I fix supper for my family and choose pictures for a photo album. Plus, what happened when I stopped second-guessing myself at a Christian writers conference. ~

This summer has been atypical in many ways.

I usually have my flowerbeds all weeded and mulched by the end of May at the latest. I finally got the weeding done in late July and have laid down a grand total of one bag of mulch.

I love watermelon but didn’t even think about buying one until early August. That same week, I got into our pool for the first time all summer.

These small details may seem insignificant, even as I write them. But they are consequences of this summer’s recurring theme: Change.

We haven’t experienced anything earthshattering or heartbreaking. There is much for which to be grateful, and I am.

Still, change can be hard. And when change piles up upon change—especially when physical pain is involved—it can be a lot sometimes.

So far, I haven’t found the mental energy to capture my thoughts about all this in a blog post. I hope to do so soon, but I guess we’ll see.

For now, I’ll return to a monthly practice I’ve missed lately and join up with Jennifer to Share Four Somethings. Starting with …

• Something Enjoyable

When my writing wheels aren’t turning well, cooking for my family provides an enjoyable rhythm to my late afternoons. No matter how frustrated I get trying to string words together on a screen, the angst fades away as I pull out ingredients, turn on the stove and start assembling the evening meal.

This summer, the best part is that all four of us are usually home for supper every night. Due to the girls’ varied work schedules, it’s been years since this happened consistently.

It’s not lost on me that this season won’t last forever. So I’m enjoying it—and the meal prep that comes with it—while I can.

• Something Underway

After we went to Spain last fall, daughter Molly combined all our digital photos into one shared folder. This is helpful for me because photography—especially on an iPhone—is not my strength.

In addition to posting on Instagram and recapping here on the blog, I also like to document special vacations by assembling photo albums of actual printed photographs. I’m not quick about this, however. In fact, it’s usually only when the next vacation is looming that I get myself into photo album mode for the previous one.

This is where I find myself now. It’s fun to relive our trip to Spain, but the sheer number of photos is a bit overwhelming. I began with a folder of more than a thousand pictures and have reduced it to 777 so far.

I only want to print 150 to 200 photos, so I have my work cut out for me.

• Something Peaceful

Our Spain photos bring back so many memories—of sharing meals, walking around the city, admiring amazing architecture. But one picture evokes a different feeling.

It was taken at one of Lilly’s favorite places in Sevilla—the Convento de Santo Angel. The library at this church/museum contains around 8,000 books, some of which date back to the 16th century.

Every time I swipe past, I stop and exhale. There’s just something peaceful and quiet about this stack of ancient books that stands in stark contrast to so much of what we see and hear in today’ world.

I’m loving this photo so much that it’s now the lock screen wallpaper on my iPad. Feel free to copy it and use it on your own device. Maybe it will have the same effect on you.

• Something Learned

One Tuesday morning in mid June, I hopped on a plane and headed to a Christian writers conference at Wheaton College in Illinois.

I hadn’t been to an event like this in a couple of decades, but I’d heard good things about Write to Publish and hoped it would be helpful as I work toward my midlife writing and publishing goals.

Due to my early flight, I got to Wheaton many hours before the official start of the conference. Sleep deprived and not knowing a soul, I battled a serious case of “what in the world am I doing here?” as I sat on a bench in a cicada-infested courtyard and typed out an anxious prayer on my iPad.

“I don’t like feeling this way but am not sure what to do,” I wrote. “Lord, send your light and your truth, let them lead me. I’m not here by accident, and I pray that you would direct my steps, that you would put people in my path that I can encourage, and that I would not get eaten by a cicada.”

My second-guessing didn’t last long as I began to meet people and soak in wisdom on topics ranging from how to be a good podcast guest to growing an audience on social media.

Not surprisingly, one of the first questions writers conference attendees ask each other is, “What do you write?” Initially, it seemed awkward and heavy to share that my work-in-progress is a book about parent loss. But when my halting responses opened the door for new friends to share their own stories of loss, it felt like a direct answer to my earlier courtyard prayer.

And so I learned, yet again, that when God calls us to something, He truly does go before us.

• • •

Has your summer been nice and predicable, or did it come with a hefty dose of change? What tasks, projects or habits helped you move through these last few months? Please share in the comments.

♥ Lois

Change can be hard. And when change piles up upon change—especially when physical pain is involved—it can be a lot sometimes. Share on X It's a recurring lesson in my life: When God calls us to something, He truly does go before us. Share on X

P.S. I’m linking up this week with #tellhisstory, InstaEncouragements, Let’s Have Coffee and Grace & Truth.

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