Author

Lois Flowers

When Your Sad Heart Longs to Know Why

by Lois Flowers
by Lois Flowers

After my dad died last May, I wrestled with “why” for several months.

He was 86 and had lived a long, useful life, so my questions didn’t necessarily have to do with the fact that he had died. They were more about the heartbreaking events that led up to his death—or, if you will, the way he died.

The decline of his health—which was perplexing and sometimes even inexplicable—forced him to spend the last six months of his life in a nursing home. He was at peace at the end, but the long walk home was at times arduous and painful—for him and for us.

Why did it have to be that way? I wondered. Why didn’t God just let him die at home in his sleep like he always thought he would?

As a general rule, I don’t devote a lot of time or energy to this type of questioning. If anything, I’m more inclined to worry about the future—to veer off into what-if land—rather than stew over what has already happened.

In the wake of my dad’s death, though, as I struggled to process the trauma of what had happened, this is where I often found myself. Logically, I knew these were questions that had no answers. I felt like I’d be better off banging my head against a brick wall than to continue to ask why, but my sad heart still wanted to know.

This is, of course, a completely human and understandable response. For a grieving daughter as well as a world full of questions about God’s role in the whole Covid-19 pandemic.

There’s no judgment here if you’re someone who struggles with doubt or wonders why God is allowing current events to play out the way they are. But if you’ve reached the point of head-banging or simply long for a more productive question than “why,” may I suggest an alternative?

Set aside questions like “Why me, God?” and “Why is God allowing this kind of suffering in the world right now?”

Instead, ask yourself, “What about God enables me to trust Him through or in spite of the suffering?”

I’ve written previously about my practice of underlining God’s names and attributes as I read the scriptures. About a month ago, I started going through the Book of Psalms in a new, unmarked Bible.

Every day I find more comforting truth about God and additional reasons to trust Him.

The Psalms don’t tell us why, but they do reassure us that God numbers our days and keeps track of our tears (Psalm 39:4, 56:8). That He understands how we are formed and remembers that we are dust (Psalm 103:14).

They remind us that our good Shepherd spoke the world into existence, that He is King of the whole earth, that He doesn’t withhold his compassion from us, that He is near the brokenhearted, that His way is perfect and His Word is pure. (Psalm 33:9; 47:7; 40:11; 34:18; 18:30)

The Book of Isaiah also provides solid answers when we ask “What is it about God?” rather than why. In Isaiah 12:2, for example, the prophet proclaims “Surely God is my salvation; I will trust and not be afraid. The Lord, the Lord himself, is my strength and my defense; he has become my salvation.” (NIV)

And in Isaiah 41:10, God Himself promises, “ ‘Do not fear, for I am with you; do not anxiously look about you, for I am your God. I will strengthen you, surely I will help you, surely I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.’ ” (NASB)

As for me, the truth of Psalm 139:16—“that all the days ordained for me were written in [God’s] book before one of them came to be”—eventually helped me to release most of the whys about my dad’s death.

It helps me still, as I erase significant life events from our family’s calendar and repeatedly release my expectations of what the future might hold to the only One who knows that future.

I realize, though, that the specific elements of God’s character that are especially comforting to me right now might not be the same ones that encourage you. We’re all different, after all—and specifically designed that way by our sovereign Creator.

So what is it about God that enables you, personally, to trust Him during this uncertain time?

Write it down, all at once or as you read through the Bible each day. And please, if you don’t mind, share it with us too. We’re all in this together, and I can’t help but think that what encourages you will encourage someone else too.

♥ Lois

What is it about God that enables you to trust Him during this uncertain time? Share on X The Psalms don’t tell us why, but they do reassure us that God numbers our days and keeps track of our tears. Share on X

P.S. I’m linking up this week with Purposeful Faith, #TellHisStory, InstaEncouragements, Recharge Wednesday, #HeartEncouragement, Let’s Have Coffee and Grace & Truth.

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Revisiting the Valley of the Shadow

by Lois Flowers
by Lois Flowers

My mom died in April last year—on Good Friday, to be exact—and my father passed away five weeks later.

Twelve months earlier, we never would have predicted any of this. My mom had Alzheimer’s disease and lived in a nursing home not too far from me. My dad lived in the nearby town where I grew up and visited her every day—rain or shine.

My mom had mobility issues but still knew us and seemed quite healthy. My somewhat frail dad was doing OK on his own, but his health deteriorated dramatically last fall. He was hospitalized with congestive heart failure in late November, got worse in rehab and joined his wife of 60 years in long-term care right around Christmas.

While it was touch-and-go with him, nobody expected my mom to start declining. It’s almost as if she snuck past him into heaven when none of us were looking.

The days and weeks following their deaths were a blur of mourning, questioning, processing, sorting and transitioning. While I still miss them both terribly, the grief has “softened” somewhat, as the leader of my GriefShare group suggested it would eventually.

For the last six months or so, though, thoughts of “this time last year” have crossed my mind frequently. Not just the events, as hard as they were to witness at times, but also my responses and feelings.

I’ve cycled through many what-ifs and found great comfort in the truth of Psalm 139:16, that all the days God ordains for us are written His book before one of them ever comes to be.

Still, each month brings the possibility of an unknown slew of emotions. And while it may seem a bit silly to be afraid of future feelings, I find that I often am.

As someone who almost always reads the end of the book first, I want to know what’s coming. I wish I could just go to the library, check out The Logical Girl’s Guide to Grief, make a chart of what to expect and start checking off boxes one by one.

But of course, there is no such book.

I especially dreaded December—the month my dad declined so steeply and in such heartbreaking ways. Now, in the days leading up to Easter—and the first anniversary of my mom’s death—I can’t help but wonder what it’s going to feel like.

I’m inclined to be a bit anxious about it, until a familiar scripture crosses my mind one morning.

“Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me.” (Psalm 23:4)

Some translations use the word “danger” instead of “evil,” and I think that fits here. Feelings aren’t normally dangerous, but they certainly can feel dangerous.

As such, we might want to take steps to squash or bury them—to do anything in our power to keep from experiencing the hurt, grief or anger even more acutely than we already do.

Lately, though, I’m discovering that there is another way.

As we revisit the valley of the shadow—approaching milestone dates after the death of a loved one or when seeking counseling to help us heal from any kind of loss—we’re going to feel what we’re going to feel. Sadness, exhaustion, anxiety, pain, thankfulness, regret, joy, anger, peace—any or all of the above, at any given time.

There’s nothing enjoyable or pleasant about most of it.

We don’t have to fear any of these feelings, though, because God is with us.

The feelings come and go, sometimes like a flood or a hurricane, but He remains.

His rod and staff—representing His divine protection and guidance—are there to comfort us. The Holy Spirit and the truths of scripture point us back on the right path when our intense emotions cloud our perception of reality.

And when it all gets to be too much, the good Shepherd—our good Father—will tighten His loving arms around us and carry us until we are able to set our own feet on firm ground once again.

♥ Lois

Each month brings the possibility of an unknown slew of emotions. And while it may seem silly to be afraid of future feelings, I find that I often am. Share on X The feelings come and go, sometimes like a flood or a hurricane, but He remains. Share on X
Photo by Thanti Nguyen on Unsplash.
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Why We Can Face Our Uncertain Tomorrows

by Lois Flowers
by Lois Flowers

I like my routines. And like everyone else, my routines have been completely disrupted.

Here’s a very minor example. The other day, Lilly was running on the treadmill in the basement right when I wanted to do my morning devotions, also in the basement. It would have been sorta hypocritical for me to get upset at her for disturbing my Bible-reading/prayer-journaling time, so I brought my materials upstairs to the dining-room table and popped open my tablet.

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Truth and Prayers for These Uncertain Times

by Lois Flowers
by Lois Flowers

Last week, when the cancellations started snowballing, the grocery aisles started emptying and the emails about how all the banks, libraries and churches are responding to Covid-19 started multiplying, I started thinking about what I might share here today.

It’s impossible to ignore the situation, and yet, what is there to say about it that hasn’t already been said a thousand different ways?

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