Dear Lilly,
Last August, you started saying things like, “This time next year, I’ll be at college,” or, “This is my last first day of high school,” or, “I’m going to miss you so much when I leave.”
To your parents, it seemed surreal—that after 12 years of school and almost 18 years of life, you were less than 12 months away from leaving the nest.
Several years ago, our basement flooded when our sump pump failed during a period of heavy rain. The remediation company spent a few days cleaning up the mess, and then Randy got to work, tearing down walls and remodeling our basement in a way that actually made it better than it was before.
When I went downstairs, I didn’t think about the old, waterlogged carpet. I didn’t feel a single twinge of nostalgia for the door that no longer existed between the stairs and the family room. I was happy to be done with the old, and thinking about it caused me no pain at all.
Around this time a few years ago, my heart was feeling especially heavy for mothers and daughters. I imagine this was due to my own season of life, when my roles as mother and daughter were intertwined and always seemed to be morphing.
My mom was in the nursing home and I was doing my best to support my dad as he supported her. My girls were in middle school and high school, trying to manage life in their world while also trying to navigate the emotional roller-coaster that comes with watching dear grandparents decline.
This year, my days of actively helping my aging parents are over, but my desire to cheer on moms and daughters remains strong.
This week, especially, I wish I could share a one-size-fit-most prayer or some single bit of encouragement that applies to everyone, but of course, there is no such message. For some, Mother’s Day is perfect bliss all around; for others, it’s a mixed bag of joy and strain; for still others, it’s an occasion best ignored completely.
It would be impossible to list every possible scenario a mother or daughter might find herself in right now, but I can think of a few. And as this Hallmark holiday approaches, I have some thoughts, prayers and scriptures that might be just what you need to hear right now.
• For moms who are anticipating launching a child out of the nest (or have already done so):
It’s bittersweet, isn’t it? But we can be confident of this: that “He who began a good work in [our children] will perfect it until the day of Christ Jesus.” (Philippians 1:6)
• For moms of littles, mediums, teens and young adults:
We need different kinds of strength during different seasons of parenting, don’t we? Whatever stage we’re in, we can rest in the knowledge that “those who trust in the Lord will renew their strength; they will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary; they will walk and not faint. (Isaiah 40:31)
• For women who long to be mothers:
Above all, remember that your worth is not tied to your ability to reproduce. God knows how you are formed and remembers that you are dust. (Psalm 103:14) Take your troubles to Jesus—He understands how hard it is to submit your will to God’s, and He will see you through, however this chapter of your story ends.
• For working moms who are struggling to keep up with everything:
When you feel like you “just can’t,” do the next right thing. You’re not doing this alone; your “help comes from the Lord, the maker of heaven and earth.” (Psalm 121:2)
• For daughters caring for mothers, and mothers caring for adult daughters:
It may not seem like it at times, but you “can do all things through Him who strengthens [you].” (Philippians 4:13) One day a time, right? (And dear sister, if this is where you find yourself, you have my deepest admiration.)
• For daughters far from mothers, geographically or emotionally:
May the Lord keep watch between you and your mom when you are out of each other’s sight. (Genesis 31:49)
• For moms who can only observe from afar:
What else can you do? “Seek the Lord and His strength; seek His face continually.” (1 Chronicles 16:11)
• For daughters who are losing moms:
“Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me.” (Psalm 23:4).
• For daughters who have lost mothers:
The Man of Sorrows knows your grief well, my friend. Lean into Him; He alone is the One who “heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.” (Psalm 147:3)
• For mothers of prodigals:
This, too, your heavenly Father understands. “You’ve kept track of my every toss and turn through the sleepless nights, each tear entered in your ledger, each ache written in your book.” (Psalm 56:8, MSG)
• For the single moms who are feeling the weight of their responsibilities even more now than they usually do:
Whenever you need wisdom—in any moment—go to God. He gives it generously and will never scold or criticize you for seeking this kind of help. (James 1:5)
• For moms with daughters who are hard to love:
“Above all, keep your love for one another at full strength, since love covers a multitude of sins.” (1 Peter 4:8)
• For daughters with difficult moms:
“Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, since as members of one body you were called to peace. And be thankful.” (Colossians 3:15)
• For moms who are worried about their kids (of any age):
Don’t try to carry it all yourself. “Cast your cares on the Lord and he will sustain you; he will never let the righteous be shaken.” (Psalm 55:22)
• For mothers who are in a great place with their kids:
Especially now, we don’t know what tomorrow holds. But today? “This is the day that the Lord has made; let us rejoice and be glad in it.” (Psalm 118:24)
• For daughters who are in a great place with their moms:
All I can say is this: “Give thanks to the Lord, for he is good! His faithful love endures forever.” (Psalm 107:1)
If you know of a mom or daughter who would be comforted or helped by this post, would you take a moment to share it with her this week? And if you find yourself in a season that was not covered here, please share it in the comments so we can encourage you too.
♥ Lois
For some, Mother’s Day is perfect bliss all around. For others, it’s a mixed bag of joy and strain. For still others, it’s an occasion best ignored completely. Share on X May the Lord keep watch between you and your mom when you are out of each other’s sight. Share on XGod knows how the story ends.
It was true about the story of Easter, which we celebrated a few weeks ago. It’s true about the story of COVID-19—what has happened, what is happening, and what the world will look like when it’s all over. And it’s true about each one of our individual stories too.
After my dad died last May, I wrestled with “why” for several months.
He was 86 and had lived a long, useful life, so my questions didn’t necessarily have to do with the fact that he had died. They were more about the heartbreaking events that led up to his death—or, if you will, the way he died.
The decline of his health—which was perplexing and sometimes even inexplicable—forced him to spend the last six months of his life in a nursing home. He was at peace at the end, but the long walk home was at times arduous and painful—for him and for us.
Why did it have to be that way? I wondered. Why didn’t God just let him die at home in his sleep like he always thought he would?
As a general rule, I don’t devote a lot of time or energy to this type of questioning. If anything, I’m more inclined to worry about the future—to veer off into what-if land—rather than stew over what has already happened.
In the wake of my dad’s death, though, as I struggled to process the trauma of what had happened, this is where I often found myself. Logically, I knew these were questions that had no answers. I felt like I’d be better off banging my head against a brick wall than to continue to ask why, but my sad heart still wanted to know.
This is, of course, a completely human and understandable response. For a grieving daughter as well as a world full of questions about God’s role in the whole Covid-19 pandemic.
There’s no judgment here if you’re someone who struggles with doubt or wonders why God is allowing current events to play out the way they are. But if you’ve reached the point of head-banging or simply long for a more productive question than “why,” may I suggest an alternative?
Set aside questions like “Why me, God?” and “Why is God allowing this kind of suffering in the world right now?”
Instead, ask yourself, “What about God enables me to trust Him through or in spite of the suffering?”
I’ve written previously about my practice of underlining God’s names and attributes as I read the scriptures. About a month ago, I started going through the Book of Psalms in a new, unmarked Bible.
Every day I find more comforting truth about God and additional reasons to trust Him.
The Psalms don’t tell us why, but they do reassure us that God numbers our days and keeps track of our tears (Psalm 39:4, 56:8). That He understands how we are formed and remembers that we are dust (Psalm 103:14).
They remind us that our good Shepherd spoke the world into existence, that He is King of the whole earth, that He doesn’t withhold his compassion from us, that He is near the brokenhearted, that His way is perfect and His Word is pure. (Psalm 33:9; 47:7; 40:11; 34:18; 18:30)
The Book of Isaiah also provides solid answers when we ask “What is it about God?” rather than why. In Isaiah 12:2, for example, the prophet proclaims “Surely God is my salvation; I will trust and not be afraid. The Lord, the Lord himself, is my strength and my defense; he has become my salvation.” (NIV)
And in Isaiah 41:10, God Himself promises, “ ‘Do not fear, for I am with you; do not anxiously look about you, for I am your God. I will strengthen you, surely I will help you, surely I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.’ ” (NASB)
As for me, the truth of Psalm 139:16—“that all the days ordained for me were written in [God’s] book before one of them came to be”—eventually helped me to release most of the whys about my dad’s death.
It helps me still, as I erase significant life events from our family’s calendar and repeatedly release my expectations of what the future might hold to the only One who knows that future.
I realize, though, that the specific elements of God’s character that are especially comforting to me right now might not be the same ones that encourage you. We’re all different, after all—and specifically designed that way by our sovereign Creator.
So what is it about God that enables you, personally, to trust Him during this uncertain time?
Write it down, all at once or as you read through the Bible each day. And please, if you don’t mind, share it with us too. We’re all in this together, and I can’t help but think that what encourages you will encourage someone else too.
♥ Lois
What is it about God that enables you to trust Him during this uncertain time? Share on X The Psalms don’t tell us why, but they do reassure us that God numbers our days and keeps track of our tears. Share on XP.S. I’m linking up this week with Purposeful Faith, #TellHisStory, InstaEncouragements, Recharge Wednesday, #HeartEncouragement, Let’s Have Coffee and Grace & Truth.
Years ago, when Randy and I were waiting to adopt our older daughter, I wrote a book about infertility.
The book’s introduction is titled “My Pile of Stones.” Here’s how it begins: