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Lois Flowers

The Greatest Parenting Lesson I’m Still Learning

by Lois Flowers
by Lois Flowers

This isn’t a parenting blog, but as my senior daughter hurdles toward the high-school finish line, I can’t help but reflect a bit on the journey we’ve been on for the last 13 years. Today I share a simple realization that has helped me tremendously; perhaps it will encourage you too.

When my daughter Lilly was in kindergarten, she was one of 13 students—three girls and 10 boys—in her class. At the end of the year, the principal told us the teacher would be switching to first grade, and that the children in her class could “loop” with her rather than be placed with one of the other first-grade instructors.

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If You’re Fighting the Fear of the Unknown

by Lois Flowers
by Lois Flowers

There are days when the prospect of what might be looms larger than what actually is.

Days when you wish you could hit the fast forward button on your life and jump ahead just enough to see what’s coming (or what’s not coming, as the case may be).

Maybe what you’re dreading isn’t that big of a deal in the grand scheme of life, or perhaps it’s truly monumental. Maybe your reaction is kinda illogical, or perhaps it’s totally understandable, given your current circumstances.

Either way, you find yourself in the bathroom, head in your hands, asking God to lift the blues or give you a glimpse of—well, anything, really.

You know about the birds of the sky and the lilies of the field—that God feeds and clothes them, and yet provides for you so much more. In fact, you can probably quote from memory the grand conclusion of this section of scripture: “Therefore, don’t worry about tomorrow because tomorrow will worry about itself.” (Matthew 6:34)

You know these things—you really do believe them—but the fear of the unknown still throws you off. You keep thinking about what C.S. Lewis once wrote, that “we are not necessarily doubting that God will do the best for us; we are wondering how painful the best will turn out to be.”

This resonates loudly even though, among the four people in your household, you are the one most likely to be voted an optimist. The one who always tries to get the others to look at the bright side, to find the silver lining, to look for the good in the bad.

Honestly, you’ve seen it go either way—when God’s best is really wonderful, and when His best (at least the way it affects you) is just plain hard. Chances are, what you are fretting about today is neither—a mere blip, most likely—but it still looms large in your mind.

And somehow, the enemy of your soul is aware of this and seems to be exploiting it a bit right now.

But then, almost out of nowhere, a thought pokes its way through the heavy fog in your head.

“Yet this I call to mind and therefore I have hope.” (Lamentations 3:21)

Ah, there it is—straight from the pages of scripture—the breath of fresh air you’ve been longing for.

Because of the Lord’s great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail.

They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness.

I say to myself, “The Lord is my portion; therefore I will wait for him.”

The Lord is good to those whose hope is in him, to the one who seeks him; it is good to wait quietly for the salvation of the Lord. (Lamentations 3:22-26)

Maybe waiting’s not your strong suit. (It’s certainly not mine.)

And yet, these familiar words are powerful. They’re healing, hope-filled.

They remind us both that God’s love protects us, that He is faithful and good, and that His salvation will come when the time is right.

♥ Lois

There it is—straight from the pages of scripture—the breath of fresh air you’ve been longing for. Share on X

P.S. I’m linking up this week with Purposeful Faith, #TellHisStory, InstaEncouragements, Recharge Wednesday, Let’s Have Coffee and Grace & Truth.

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One Way to Navigate the Emotional Teen Years

by Lois Flowers
by Lois Flowers

I had breakfast with a good friend a couple of months ago. She’s my favorite kind of friend—one with whom you can jump right into talking about anything, no matter how long it’s been.

We were discussing the emotional ups and downs that seem to be even more prevalent as our teenager daughters make their way through their final year of high school.

They have so much converging on their minds, bodies and hearts—homework stress, pressure to choose the right college, relationship struggles, thoughts about graduation, senioritis, lack of sleep and a million unknowns about the future.

Add in normal adolescent hormonal fluctuations, and it’s no wonder that they sometimes veer from happy to sad or from joyful to mad in less than a split second. It’s hard to know how to respond without getting sucked into the drama, much less how to actually help.

During our conversation, my friend shared a powerful analogy that is guiding her through this season of parenting twin senior girls. The way she described it is that our teenagers are on a roller-coaster ride, but although we are always close by, we do not have to strap ourselves into the car and ride it with them.

“I imagine I am there by the ride—maybe on the exit platform,” she explained. “I’m right there for them, but I am not on the ride. I get to choose to stay steady while their hormones and brains are taking them on crazy highs, lows, twists and turns.”

I’m not a big fan of actual roller coasters, and I dislike emotional ones even more. So my friend’s visual often comes to mind when someone I love appears to be whipping around on one of these emotion-fueled theme-park rides.

The trick, of course, is to do what my friend describes—to keep myself off the ride, no matter how easy it would be to hop aboard too.

It feels a bit counterintuitive to respond rather than react when a teenager is upset. To listen when she is venting, rather than prod her to look at the other side of the story right off the bat. To use what a former FBI hostage negotiator calls a “late-night FM DJ voice” when we are tempted to lower someone else’s intensity by raising our own.

The Bible tells us a gentle answer turns away anger. (Proverbs 15:1, HCSB) Not only that, as every parent who has desired to have a meaningful conversation with an older child can attest, timing is everything—when providing redirection, imparting life lessons or even offering tender encouragement. (I often want to dump it all out at once, the more the better, but that rarely works.)

Responding in all these ways requires self-control, something I frequently lack even as I’m hoping to see more of it in my children. But remembering the roller-coaster analogy—sooner rather than later—does help.

It also bears mentioning that this word picture doesn’t just apply to teenagers. It can be useful when we’re interacting with people of any age or season of life who are over-reacting or struggling to maintain their emotional equilibrium.

We might have to talk them down from the ledge, and that might take some time.

We might feel the effects of some verbal shrapnel, even from a distance.

But while it may not always be easy, we always have a choice.

We don’t have to ride the roller coaster with them.

♥ Lois

We don’t have to ride the emotional roller coaster with our teenagers. Share on X We get to choose to stay steady while our teenagers' hormones and brains are taking them on crazy highs, lows, twists and turns. Share on X

P.S. I’m linking up this week with Purposeful Faith, #TellHisStory, InstaEncouragements, Recharge Wednesday, Let’s Have Coffee and Grace & Truth.

First photo by Matt Bowden on Unsplash
Second photo by Stephen Hateley on Unsplash
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Does Your Fresh Start Need a Restart?

by Lois Flowers
by Lois Flowers

I’m guessing you saw them all, same as me. The blog posts, tweets and Instagram captions about the New Year and new decade—the perfect time for a fresh start with all sorts of energizing goals and inspiring aspirations.

I don’t usually pay much attention to the annual turn of the calendar, but I do get the appeal of 2020. It’s a nice, round, even number that just oozes with hope and anticipation.

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My One Word for 2020

by Lois Flowers
by Lois Flowers

I love reading about the words that other people choose to guide them through each year. I also enjoy the process of choosing a word for myself (although it might be more accurate to say that, inevitably, the words choose me).

For some reason, though, actually writing about my new word for 2020 has been a challenge. It’s been on my to-do list for weeks, but other things keep crowding it out.

While this might be an indication that I need to ditch my word and find another one, I think it’s more like a real-time illustration of the very word I’ve chosen.

As is my custom, I started pondering my new word in October sometime. Instead of making a list of potential One Words, I typically just ask God to direct my thoughts and then see what comes to mind.

There’s no formula; I usually just know.

This time was a little different, though, because the first word that landed in my heart was more like a stepping stone. A rather bleak stepping stone, honestly.

Empty. 

When this word occurred to me, I wanted to push it away. While it’s arguably relevant to a few parts of my life these days, it didn’t seem like the kind of word I’d want hanging around for an entire year—especially not this particular year.

Before I had a chance to get too discouraged, however, another word came to mind.

The opposite of empty.

Full.

This word conjures up a variety of scenarios, doesn’t it? A full moon, for example. A garden in full bloom, a full stomach or a full plate (literal or rhetorical). We can have our arms full, our quivers full or our cups full (to some degree or another, depending on where we fall on the pessimist/optimist scale).

The scriptures speak of God being full of compassion, grace and truth, and of the earth being full of His glory and unfailing love. (Psalm 116:5, John 1:14, Isaiah 6:3, Psalm 33:5) In stark contrast to God’s beautiful character, the Bible also mentions a variety of sinful elements our human mouths can be full of, including boasting, cursing, bitterness, deadly poison, lies and threats. (Psalm 94:4, Romans 3:14, James 3:8, Psalm 10:7)

Since Matthew 12:34 tells us that “the mouth speaks what the heart is full of,” it should be our goal each and every year to keep tabs on our hearts to ensure that our conversation will “always be full of grace” and “seasoned with salt.” (Colossians 4:6)

As I consider the word full in relation to my life in 2020, though, the one verse that keeps coming to mind is John 10:10: “The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full.”

I know there’s no way to predict what that’s going to look like in the coming months. The abundant nature of the life that Jesus promises isn’t dependent on our circumstances; it’s dependent on His presence.

I’m hopeful, however.

I’m hopeful that the One who began a good work in us through the sad and hard events of 2019 will continue it this year. (Philippians 1:6) And that whatever “life to the full” entails for us—individually and collectively—we will come through on the other side of 2020 with fresh stories to tell of God’s faithfulness, comfort and compassion.

♥ Lois

The abundant nature of the life that Jesus promises isn’t dependent on our circumstances; it’s dependent on His presence. Share on X

Note: I’m a little late to the One Word party, but if you’ve chosen a word for 2020, I’d love for you to share it in the comments (with a link too, if you’ve written about it).

Photo by Joanna Kosinska on Unsplash
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