It might be a little early to be talking about choosing a new word of the year for 2020. But perhaps it’s not too soon to take a quick look back, to briefly examine how my OneWord for this year helped me in ways I never expected.
Truth be told, I never got around to writing about the difference my word for 2018 made in my life, so maybe I’ll just combine the two. They go together, my words for the last two years, although this is not something I could have predicted or seen in advance.
Last year, my word was bold. This year, humble.
At first glance, they sound a bit antithetical. They don’t typically go hand-in-hand, at least not in my mind.
But I needed them both. In the order they were given to me.
When the word bold first came to me, my first thought was, You have got to be kidding me.
I never would have picked that word out of any line up to describe myself—how I was at the time or how I hoped to be some day.
But God knew.
There’s a line from a favorite Casting Crowns song that talks about “the one thing you didn’t see coming.” Over the last few years, it wasn’t just one thing for my family. It was one thing after another, culminating in a rapid succession of losses that none of us could have ever imagined.
When your parents revise their wills and set you up as the one who will manage all the things if something were to happen to them, you just say, “Sure, I can do that,” and go on your merry way. You don’t really expect that in four or five years, you actually will be needed to step in and do it.
In my case, though, that’s exactly what happened.
As I helped my parents navigate some significant challenges during what turned out to be the last years of their lives, the word bold helped me to be confident. To do what needed to be done, even though I’d never done anything like it before. To trust my gut. To pray for God to direct our steps, one after another.
Especially in the last month of 2018 and throughout the first half of 2019, when my dad’s health and normal way of life completely fell apart, and then both my parents passed away. (Read more here and here.)
We all have our ways of doing things. What looks like boldness for me might not look like boldness for someone else.
I’ll be the first to admit I didn’t always handle every task right or well. There are things I would do differently if I could hit rewind and try again.
That’s not an option, of course. I’m learning that part of the grieving process includes working through those regrets, realizing I did the best I could at the time, and (in some cases) determining to do things differently if I’m ever placed in a similar situation again.
Which brings me to humble, my word for 2019.
I recognize the irony here. It seems weird to try to explain how I practiced humility over the last year, if I could even think of a specific example.
I can talk generally, though. I can tell you that, as I tried to juggle all my parents’ affairs, the word humble quietly guided my heart, my mind, my reactions and my decisions.
I have six siblings—five older and one younger. They all love my parents and wanted the best for them. They were—and still are, I think—very supportive of my efforts.
But, as anyone who has been through a difficult family season can attest, it’s easy to get overwhelmed by opinions and even to misunderstand motivations, especially when you’re stressed and exhausted and grieving.
I didn’t always practice humility well, or at all. But I did try to think the best of others and their intentions.
I tried to let humility inform the way I shared information, solicited feedback, made suggestions and responded to input.
Most importantly, at least for me, I consciously resisted the urge to defend myself or justify my actions. The truth is, my family didn’t need (or ask for) a 10-point outline of how I came to every decision. They simply needed me to take care of our parents’ affairs.
Bolstered by their prayers (not to mention their actual physical presence at the most serendipitous times), I tried to do just that.
I’m a word girl, so maybe it shouldn’t surprise me how God consistently uses the words He gives me each year to prepare my heart and pave the way for what He has planned for me in the coming months.
And maybe it won’t surprise you to know that I’ve already chosen my word for next year. As usual, I don’t really know what it means, this new OneWord that I’m looking forward to sharing with you in a few weeks.
But if history repeats itself, as it often does, it will be just what I need to guide my thoughts and actions in 2020.
♥ Lois
We all have our ways of doing things. What looks like boldness for me might not look like boldness for someone else. Share on XP.S. I’m linking up this week with Purposeful Faith, #TellHisStory, Let’s Have Coffee, Faith on Fire, Faith ‘n Friends and Grace & Truth.
