Author

Lois Flowers

When You Can’t Bear to Wait Another Minute

by Lois Flowers December 13, 2016

by Lois Flowers

When I’ve been waiting for something for a really long time, I sometimes reach a point where I don’t think I can wait one more second.

I felt this way near the end of our wait to adopt our older daughter Lilly. We had already experienced three challenging years of infertility, followed by about 20 months of waiting for our international adoption to be completed.

We knew some people who had sent their paperwork to China around the same time we had sent ours, and we were all expecting to get our referrals near the end of July.

I had done OK with the wait thus far—managing my expectations and holding fast to my belief that God was in control—but by the time that summer rolled around, I was tired. I was stressed and irritable and sick of the whole thing.

I desperately needed to get away somewhere, and I remember begging Randy to plan what I called a “whisk” weekend for us. I didn’t want to know anything about it until he showed up at home on Friday afternoon and whisked me away to some relaxing resort for the weekend.

At one point, I got really mad at him because it didn’t seem like he was doing anything about my request. He actually did have something all planned and reservations made, but then his much-loved grandmother died and we had to cancel our plans and go to North Dakota for the funeral instead.

The whole time we were in North Dakota, I kept waiting for the phone call that said we had gotten our referral, but it never came. When we returned home and discovered that the other families had gotten theirs that month but we had not, I couldn’t take it anymore.

I just knew our papers were gathering dust on top of some grungy filing cabinet in some bureaucrat’s office in China, completely forgotten by everyone.

I remember letting loose in my prayer journal, basically having a fit on God about the whole situation.

In today’s teenage-girl vernacular, I was so done.

It might sound counter-intuitive, but my little tirade actually calmed me down and brought me back to the conclusion that God was still in control. It helped reassure me that we would eventually get our baby, even though I remained convinced that it was taking WAY too long.

The thing is, God made me, so he knows my physical weaknesses. He understands my limitations and my finite comprehension of what’s going on around me and in me.

He knew how I felt when we didn’t get our adoption referral that July and I started to despair that I would NEVER become a mother. He knows how you feel when you don’t think you can take another minute of waiting for whatever it is you’re waiting for.

When we have fits on God—our longsuffering and patient heavenly Father—I don’t think it frustrates Him like the tantrum of a child might frustrate a human parent. As Psalm 103:14 says, He “knows how we are formed and remembers that we are dust.”

He gets it, in other words.

And in His grace and mercy, He has compassion on us when the waiting room gets to be almost more than we think we can stand.

If you’re there now this Advent season, don’t be afraid to tell God exactly how you feel. Dump out all your emotions on paper (or in Microsoft Word, if that works better for you). Let it all out in a prayer to Him, and see what happens.

If you’re anything like me, the worries, the fears, the bad feelings will eventually subside. Your spirit will settle down and your faith will grow stronger. And when you’re done, you’ll get up and do the very thing you said you couldn’t do—continue waiting.

P.S. Linking up this week with Kelly Balarie at Purposeful Faith, Jennifer Dukes Lee at #TellHisStory, Holley Gerth at Coffee for Your Heart, Crystal Storms at #HeartEncouragementThursday, Crystal Twaddell at FreshMarketFriday and Dawn Klinge at Grace & Truth.

December 13, 2016 26 comments

What I Learned This Fall

by Lois Flowers December 6, 2016

by Lois Flowers

It seems a bit strange to write about fall now that the house is decorated for the holidays and Christmas music is blaring from the living room stereo 24/7. But technically, it is still fall. And, as is always the case when I start evaluating the past three months, it seems I learned more than I thought during this season of brilliant colors and too-high temperatures.

We’ll start off with this family picture, taken by my younger sister on my parents’ back deck. Besides screaming “fall,” it reminds me of Thanksgiving Day—the first in many years that someone else did most of the cooking (thanks, sis) and I got to sit around all morning and finish reading two overdue library books.

The lesson in all this: Sometimes, it’s good to ask others to do something that you normally do (and it’s a huge blessing when they happily agree to do it).

• • •

My new love language is effort. I know it’s not one of author Gary Chapman’s famous five, but it really is a thing for me. My birthday was on an unseasonably warm Saturday in early November. I spent most of the day outside, building a stepping stone path around the side of my house. Meantime, all kinds of surprises were under way in the house. Like the Happy Birthday banner, made out of recycled blueprints, that stretched from one end of the balcony overlooking our living room to the other end.

Each letter was surrounded by adjectives that started with the same letter (such as “Bomb” for B and “Iffy” for I). I don’t use this word lightly, but it really was amazing. Besides bringing fresh meaning to the phrase “go big or go home,” it warmed my heart to think of all the time, care and thesaurus usage my girls put into making the display. Yep, for me, effort equals love.

• • •

While the girls were making homemade cards (my absolute favorite) and the fabulous banner, Randy was decorating my birthday cake. (I should pause here and mention that before I got married, the three big items on my husband list were that he had to be a Christian, he had to be taller than me, and he had to be able to fix things. The fact that I got a man who also knows how to decorate cakes has been an unexpected and tasty bonus.)

Anyway, Randy tried something new this year—big flowers on top of a layer of chocolate frosting, on top of a devil’s food base. The cake was beautiful. Even after 22 years of marriage, he still surprises me with his creativity. But I also learned something that day: It IS possible to have too much frosting.

• • •

One of the highlights of November for me was meeting a World War II veteran at Kohl’s on Veteran’s Day. As his hat proudly stated, he served from 1941 to 1945, starting out in Africa, then moving throughout Europe as the war unfolded. I thanked him for his service, and he told me he didn’t regret a bit of it.

The store was crowded, it was past lunchtime, and I was a bit distracted, so we spoke only briefly. As I got into my van, though, I was almost moved to tears when I considered all he had surely experienced and witnessed as part of the Greatest Generation. I wished I had thought to inquire about his age and perhaps ask for his perspective on the election just past. I resolved that, the next time I have an opportunity to engage in a conversation like this, I would ask more questions and listen more carefully. I missed my chance that day, but I won’t make that mistake again.

• • •

When you care for someone I love—in tangible, practical ways—I feel cared for too. There’s more I could say about this, but it’s not my story to tell right now. So I’ll leave it at that.

• • •

When one of my favorite authors shares her story of faith and heartbreak on Focus on the Family, how can I not tell you about it? I first wrote about Tricia Lott Williford when I did this Author Note about her book And Life Comes Back: A Wife’s Story of Love, Loss, and Hope Reclaimed. To this day, it’s one of the best memoirs I’ve ever read. You can hear her Focus interview here. Even during this busy holiday season, it’s well worth the time investment. (But be sure to have tissues handy.)

• • •

One of the best parts of my Faith, Fear & the Life of a Writer series has been the comment section. Seriously, I’ve learned much and been encouraged more by interacting with readers (perhaps even you) about light and airy topics such as pride, working through fear and how to be more transparent in writing. So you can imagine how delighted I was when my friend Bethany took my post “24 Ways to Keep Your Writing Real” and turned it into an amazing graphic, which I’m now sharing with you here: 24-ways-to-keep-your-writing-real (Stay tuned for more of the writing series after the holidays.)

• • •

Classical music is my happy place. OK, so music isn’t really a place. And I only listen to this genre when I drive to pick up Lilly from her ballet class on Wednesday evenings. But no matter what my day has been like, the moment I hear Bach, Beethoven or Mozart drifting from my van stereo, the stress just melts away.

• • •

Nov. 15 is National Clean Out Your Refrigerator Day. I didn’t learn this until that afternoon, when I received the daily homework email from Molly’s social studies teacher. (Besides informing parents about assignments and such, Dr. M keeps us posted about all the “holidays” that apparently litter every day of the year.) I wouldn’t have paid attention to this particular observance if not for the fact that, earlier that very day, I had helped my 83-year-old dad clean out and organize his freezer. “What happened, I believe, is called serendipity,” he said when I told him.

That’s it for me. What did you learn this fall?

♥ Lois

December 6, 2016 32 comments

Song of the Month: “Help from Heaven”

by Lois Flowers December 5, 2016

by Lois Flowers

I’ve called a few audibles lately, asking for a last-minute change of plans because of something I saw or felt as I surveyed the landscape around me. This is not normally how I roll, so it’s been stretching at times.

Yesterday was the first Sunday of the month, which is usually when I share the Song of the Month here at the blog. It’s been a busy couple of weeks, to say the least, so that didn’t happen.

I wasn’t planning to post anything today, either, but when I called up my Song of the Month Playlist this morning for some background music, the advertisement that came up first grabbed my attention.

Mostly because wasn’t an ad, but an entire song. This song: “Help from Heaven” by Matt Redman and Natasha Bedingfield.

Happy December, dear readers.

December 5, 2016 4 comments

Taking the First Step When Reaching Out is Risky

by Lois Flowers November 29, 2016

by Lois Flowers

One day several years ago—most likely during some winter break from school—I came into the kitchen at breakfast time.

At first, nothing seemed wrong. But closer inspection revealed that younger daughter Molly, who was sitting at the island, was looking forlorn with a lone tear trekking down each cheek.

Older sister Lilly was at the table, eating Cheerios and reading the newspaper.

I discovered there had been a bit of an incident while they were boiling water for hot chocolate. Though the mess had been cleaned up, a hand was still stinging, a heart still hurting.

November 29, 2016 24 comments

If You’re Unraveling a Bit Before Thanksgiving

by Lois Flowers November 22, 2016

by Lois Flowers

During the last few days, there have been times when I felt like I was one thread yank away from completely unraveling.

trees

Not because of a particular event or situation or heartache. Just because … life.

Life that includes (but is not limited to) lost contact lenses, malfunctioning garage-door openers, skyrocketing health insurance premiums, unexpected hormonal flareups, canceled dental discount cards, bad haircuts, broken hair straighteners and my apparent inability to handle all these inconveniences graciously while wearing my glasses.

November 22, 2016 20 comments

24 Ways to Keep Your Writing Real

by Lois Flowers November 15, 2016

by Lois Flowers

Even if we don’t make our living off words, we all write every day.

Think about it. Whether it goes out in the form of emails, tweets and texts, work-related memos, blog posts and comments, birthday cards or Facebook updates, communication is continually flowing from our fingertips.

And in an electronic culture that is often characterized by both outrage and comparison, it can be equally as tempting to over think every word as it is to dash something off and post it without a second thought.

There’s got to be a happy medium in there somewhere. For me, that sweet spot is closely intertwined with what I like to call “keeping it real.” When my writing stays true to who I am and what I believe, comparison and outrage fall by the wayside because my words cease to depend on someone else’s reaction or response.

There’s a tremendous amount of freedom in that, don’t you think?

real-writing-tips-flower What real writing looks like in real life obviously depends on the situation and personality of the communicator. But if you want to join me in making your writing—whatever form it takes—honest and meaningful, here are a few thoughts that you might find helpful.

• Don’t try to copy another person’s style. Sound like who you are.

• Don’t set out to write “lyrical or poetic prose.” That kind of writing flows naturally. If it’s forced, it shows.

• Don’t try to write in any particular way, actually. Write what you want to say. If it ends up being lyrical or poetic, fine. If not, that’s fine too. You’re communicating a message, not a style.

• Write how you speak—clearly and conversationally.

• Read what you’ve written out loud. If you find yourself gasping for breath before the end of a sentence or stumbling over your words, rewrite.

• If what you’ve written makes you laugh, that’s great. But don’t try to be funny on purpose. That rarely works.

• If you find yourself in tears as your words hit the screen or as you read your work aloud, you’ve likely hit upon something that will touch someone else too. At this point, don’t shy away; dig deeper.

• If it’s not your story to tell, don’t tell it.

• If what you’ve written flowed from a deep emotional well, save it and come back to it in a few days or weeks. Time has a way of revealing whether or not you should hit send or publish.

• Write to encourage, educate, comfort or (possibly) challenge. Never write to impress.

• Don’t take yourself too seriously. That kind of attitude doesn’t translate well on the page (or screen).

• Ask someone who knows you and loves you well to read your writing. Give that person permission to let you know when what you’ve written doesn’t “sound like you.” (Trust me on this one—it’s important!)

• Write what you need to hear, not what you think a particular person in your life needs to hear. If you feel compelled to share a certain message with someone, try to do it in person.

• Ask yourself: Is it right? Is it necessary? Is it kind? If not, don’t write it.

• As a general rule, don’t react. Originate.

• Watch the snark. If it sounds like something a 13-year-old girl would say, consider revising.

• If what you are writing makes you squeamish because you think no one will be able to relate, keep writing. You are not alone, and others in the same boat need to know that they are not alone either.

• If you’re afraid to write something, ask yourself, “What is the worst thing that could happen if I post this?”

• There are times when real is better in retrospect. Very often, feelings and thoughts need to simmer a good, long time before they can or should be expressed in writing—at least writing that is intended for public consumption.

• Last paragraphs are hard to write. Sometimes abrupt endings are better than tidy bows.

• If you write about faith-related topics, you don’t have to include a verse or mention God in every paragraph, or even in every post. Your worldview (and your view of grace) will come across in how you write—in your tone, in your word choices and in the way you respond to criticism or compliments.

• Humility trumps the need to make sure everyone knows that you are right.

• Pray while you write and before you hit send or publish. Ask God to direct your words to the people who need to read them.

• Let go of your expectations about how any one thing you communicate is going to be received. Write from your heart and leave the results up to God.

Now it’s your turn. Is “real” writing a challenge for you? What would you add or take away from this list?

♥ Lois

Also: If you’ve missed previous posts in the “Faith, Fear & the Life of a Writer” series, you can catch up here:

November 15, 2016 32 comments