I was driving to the doctor last week. I’ve been down this same road hundreds of times over the years. Along the paved trail that runs next to the creek that goes through our city. Past the high school and middle school that both daughters attended, past the corporate headquarters of the international tech company that employs so many people in our area.
Over the bridge that spans the interstate, past the onramp that leads to the town where I grew up, and—finally—past the hospital and medical buildings where I spent so much time with my parents.
It’s a familiar road indeed, one that brings back many memories of driving with feelings of dread roiling my gut. I never knew what I was going to find when I got to the emergency room or wound my way through hallways and up elevators to whatever floor they were on getting treated for their latest illness or episode.
For months after my parents died, those feelings continued. I still feel a twinge every now and then, to be honest. Among all that, though, I remember something else.
I remember driving to the hospital during some especially stressful events and feeling … nothing. Not nothing because I was numb. Nothing as in the absence of all the bad feelings. A sensation, deep in my core, of complete stillness.
Under the circumstances, other emotions—fear, anxiety, discouragement—would have been understandable, and I certainly felt plenty of those. But in those moments in the car, what I experienced could only be described as peace that surpasses all understanding. God’s peace, the kind that guards our hearts and minds in Christ Jesus. (Philippians 4:7)
Maybe we feel it more acutely when a friend or loved one is praying for us. Maybe it is at those times that we are more aware that Jesus is interceding for us (Hebrews 7:25 says He lives to do so, by the way, which is an amazing thought all on its own.).
Whatever the case, the peace is real, and it’s powerful.
I remember driving to the hospital during that season and hearing Phil Wickham’s song “Living Hope” on the radio. Every time I hear that song now, I think of those drives, of the peace I felt, of God’s tangible presence in my life during those difficult, difficult days.
Remembering can be hard. It’s tempting to avoid it, to push the memories away when they steal into our hearts, uninvited and full of conflicting emotion. But remembering also is healing. If we’re still here, we didn’t get here on our own. The God who was so faithful to carry us in the not-so-distant past remains faithful now.
He hasn’t left us to fend for ourselves, and He never will.
“You will keep the mind that is dependent on You in perfect peace, for it is trusting in You.” (Isaiah 26:3)
♥ Lois
If we’re still here, we didn’t get here on our own. The God who was so faithful to carry us in the not-so-distant past remains faithful now. Share on XP.S. I’m linking up this week with #tellhisstory, InstaEncouragements, Recharge Wednesday, Let’s Have Coffee, Inspire Me Monday, #HeartEncouragement and Grace & Truth.
38 comments
I chose your post to feature tomorrow on Grave & Truth Link-Up
Oh Maree … you have blessed my heart today! I hope the post is an encouragement to the bloggers who link up. Hugs, friend.
Oh, yes, the peace that transcends all understanding. It is incredible. I remember it well on many occasions. Thank you for sharing your experience and the encouragement to remember God’s perfect peace. Thank you for contributing to Grace & Truth. I love your posts.
Aw, Maree … thank you so much! God is so kind to bless us with His peace during those difficult times, isn’t He? Hugs, friend.
Oh when that peace that passes understanding floods our souls, minds, and bodies, we just KNOW without a doubt Who has yet again taken complete control of our lives. He whispers peace … and gives us grace on grace.
Your journey has taught me much, Lois. I am grateful …
Oh yes, Linda … I love how you describe God’s peace encompassing soul, mind and body. Some might overlook the “body” part, but for me, the lack of peace is often very much a physical thing. I’m blessed to be on the journey with you, my friend.
I know what you mean, Lois. There are songs I’ll hear on the radio now that I relied on 11 years ago when my parents were leaving us, and they take me back to that time. I’m grateful for the peace that accompanies them now. The Lord is faithful.
Amen, Lisa. Where would we be without Him?
I’m tucking this one away in my heart, Lois. I love Living Hope by Phil Wickham. Praise God for giving you peace that surpassed all understanding in those times, and for making remembering into something that can be healing.
It’s such a blessing to look back and see God’s hand so clearly, Bethany. Especially when I think about how exhausted and sad I was when it was actually happening. Hugs, friend.
Lois, beautiful and yet hard memories. It is amazing that hard times can weave themselves into less painful memories that no longer take our breath so away and that we can feel God’s peace during hard times. My first instinct is to push hard memories away, and yet if I sit with them (which I am trying to do) they change and fade in intensity. And I change too. Thanks for sharing these memories and giving hope to those who have experienced hard things.
Theresa, you have expressed so well what I’ve been experiencing with my memories, especially during the last several months. Processing them, writing about them and looking for ways they can help me (and others) in the future. God can redeem every tear, can’t He? Hugs, friend.
Thank you for sharing your beautiful heart, Lois. I’m so thankful that God gives us “the peace that passes all understanding” and allows us to know Him, the Prince of Peace.
Lisa, I’m grateful for that too. And for your kind words, my friend!
Dear Lois, thank you for sharing your heart in this post. It was such an encouragement to me, for I have so many hard memories. Just this week a few especially painful ones made their way to the front of my mind & took my breath away. My first impulse as you said, was to avoid & push them away. But then I tried to bravely allow them to come, and the most beautiful thing happened, I felt God’s presence so real in those moments, healing those old wounds. Thank you, and warm hugs to you my Friend.
Aw, Donna … I’m sorry for the painful memories you’ve been working through this week. What a blessing, though, to be able to face them bravely and feel God’s presence in such a powerful way. Thank you for sharing your story, my friend … warm hugs back! 🙂
I have also experienced that numbness, and seen it as a gift. It’s as if God pushes pause so our brains can catch up to our emotions and our surroundings.
That’s a wonderful way to describe it, Michele. His mercy is so tender, isn’t it?
Memories of loved ones who are no longer with us can be so hard, especially on certain days and in certain situations the first few years. But even though they are painful, they’re healing. And before long those times turn into sweet remembrances.
I was surprised by how often I could get waylaid by an unexpected wave of grief after my mom died. Still happens sometimes, though not as often now.
I so enjoyed your testimony of God giving peace.
Barbara, I will never forget what one of the leaders of my GriefShare class said: “When the grief softens, the memories grow warmer.” I’m finding that to be true, and I’m so thankful. I appreciate how you describe it … getting “waylaid by an unexpected wave of grief.” It’s comforting to know others have experienced that too. Hugs, friend.
“The God who was so faithful to carry us in the not-so-distant past remains faithful now.” Powerful, Lois! Thankful for the peace that surpassing ALL human understanding!
So am I, Karen. Good to hear from you this week!
Amen Lois, Indeed peace is real. Thank you for sharing this wonderful post. Blessings.
Thank YOU, Paula. I hope you you have a good weekend!
He never will leave us. Isaiah 26.3 is a favorite.
For me too, Susan. 🙂
What a powerful testimony, Lois. I sometimes get feeling similar to the ones you describe when I drive past the assisted living facility where my mom lived after her stroke. I visited there almost every night to help her with her shower and to get her into bed. I loved hearing about the peace you felt in the midst of stressful events when you were dealing with your parents’ illnesses. I can’t say I ever felt anything similar that I can remember. Maybe I need to work on letting go and realizing I don’t need to be in control of everything all the time. Something to think about!
Oh Laurie … I remember you writing—either in a comment or a post—about your nightly trips to help your mom. I can imagine how driving by her facility would release similar feelings in you. Perhaps they are reminders of how much we loved, but also how much we have lost. Thank you for your kind words about this post, my friend.
Lois, what a beautiful post. I’ve seen up close and personal how God uses the prayers of others to offer us peace. He is so faithful to know what we need and how to provide it. I’m so thankful for our Father’s perfect peace.
Me too, Jeanne! Isn’t it a wonderful blessing to pray for friends in need and to know that God uses our prayers to bring them peace? Hugs, friend.
“Remembering can be hard. It’s tempting to avoid it, to push the memories away when they steal into our hearts, uninvited and full of conflicting emotion. But remembering also is healing. If we’re still here, we didn’t get here on our own. The God who was so faithful to carry us in the not-so-distant past remains faithful now.” Such a powerful statement of truth, Lois. Thank you for all your encouragement here, my friend. Also for the reminder of this song. It touched my heart. Yes! Jesus Christ, our Living Hope! He carried us through before and He will continue to carry us through whatever happens. Love and blessings to you!
Amen, Trudy. I’m reminded of another song—this one from years gone by—that says, “He didn’t bring us this far to leave us.” That’s another comforting truth, isn’t it? Love and hugs to you, dear friend!
He brings peace in the hard! Amen and Amen! I remember driving 4 hours to KY to visit my aunt – my best friend, the one who mothered me. She had dementia – it stole her joy, left her angry, frightened. An undiagnosed UTI had landed her in a psychiatric hospital for evaluation (UTI’s are unusually bad for dementia patients). I wasn’t sure how she would be when I got there – and I so wanted to comfort her. I prayed for God to show me how to go During that long drive I played Steven Curtis Chapman’s Song, “Love Take Me Over”, these words becoming my prayer:
“This is what I’m sure of, I can only show love
When I really know how loved I am
When it overtakes me, then it animates me
Flowing from my heart into my hands
So I’m praying, Father, help my heart believe
That right now You’re singing over me
And fill me up with Your love
Love, take these words that I’m speaking
Love, take these thoughts that I’m thinking
Love, take me over
Love, fill up all of my space and
Love, come stand right here in my place
Love, hear this prayer that I’m praying
Love, take me, love, take me over
Love, take me over”
That love flowing from my heart to my hands line filled me with so much peace – and guided me throughout our afternoon together! Praise God for all He does for us in the hard – and showing us how to walk out love in it!
Oh Maryleigh … what a powerful song, and how wonderful of God to use it to prepare you for your time with your aunt. She was blessed to have your love, my friend.
What a beautiful picture and post. I too remember those drives I took into Manhattan where my father was being treated.
One drive in particular was one where I didn’t know if he’d be alive by the time I arrived. The song “Praise You in This Storm” came on, and I remember really handing my father over to God, who was always in control anyway. My father did make it through that day and God gave us a few more years. thank you for this post.
Aw, Lisa … what a precious memory of handing a hard situation over to God and experiencing His perfect peace. Thank you for sharing it here. I’m so glad that day wasn’t your father’s last, and that God gave you a few more years with him. Hugs, friend.
Lois, I cannot believe how this post resonates with me. I have been thinking the past week of how it has been one year in which we have been in the throes of this pandemic. And all I can think is how God has been so faithful. I get overwhelmed with gratitude. One song which I have been playing over and over is “How Far We’ve Come” by I Am They – (https://youtu.be/x-1-WSaJakc). He brought us this far and He will continue to be with us for all of our days!
Joanne … what a blessing that this little post spoke to you so much! And thank you so much for sharing that song here. I had not heard it, but it brought tears to my eyes as I listened. I feel the same way as you about this past year. I’ve been thinking about writing my thoughts about it and am not quite sure how to articulate it all. (Stay tuned …) 🙂