Inside: When we stay true to who we are and what we believe, comparison and outrage fall by the wayside because our words no longer depend on anyone else’s reaction or response.~
Even if we don’t make our living off words, we all write every day.
Whether it goes out in the form of emails, tweets and texts, work-related memos, blog posts and comments, birthday cards or Facebook updates, communication is continually flowing from our fingertips.
And in an electronic culture that is often characterized by both outrage and comparison, it can be equally as tempting to over think every word as it is to dash something off and post it without a second thought.
Happy Medium
There’s got to be a happy medium in there somewhere. For me, that sweet spot is closely intertwined with what I like to call “keeping it real.” When our writing stays true to who we are and what we believe, comparison and outrage fall by the wayside because our words cease to depend on someone else’s reaction or response.
There’s a tremendous amount of freedom in that, don’t you think?
What real writing looks like in real life obviously depends on the situation and personality of the communicator. But if you want to join me in making your writing—whatever form it takes—honest and meaningful, here are a few thoughts that you might find helpful.
Be Yourself
• Don’t try to copy another person’s style. Sound like who you are.
• Don’t set out to write “lyrical or poetic prose.” That kind of writing flows naturally. If it’s forced, it shows.
• Don’t try to write in any particular way, actually. Write what you want to say. If it ends up being lyrical or poetic, fine. If not, that’s fine too. You’re communicating a message, not a style.
• Write how you speak—clearly and conversationally.
• Read what you’ve written out loud. If you find yourself gasping for breath before the end of a sentence or stumbling over your words, rewrite.
Consider Your Emotions
• It’s great if you write something that makes you laugh. But don’t try to be funny on purpose. That rarely works.
• If you find yourself in tears as your words hit the screen or as you read your work aloud, you’ve likely hit upon something that will touch someone else too. At this point, don’t shy away; dig deeper.
• If what you’ve written flowed from a deep emotional well, save it and come back to it in a few days or weeks. Time has a way of revealing whether you should hit send or publish.
General Rules
• If it’s not your story to tell, don’t tell it.
• As a general rule, don’t react. Originate.
• Write to encourage, educate, comfort or (possibly and carefully) challenge. Never write to impress.
• Don’t share publicly what you think a particular person in your life needs to hear. If you feel compelled to share a certain message with someone, try to do it in person.
Attitude Check
• Don’t take yourself too seriously. That kind of attitude doesn’t translate well on the page (or screen).
• Ask someone who knows you and loves you well to read your writing. Give that person permission to let you know when what you’ve written doesn’t “sound like you.”
• Ask yourself: Is it right? Is it necessary? Is it kind? If not, don’t write it.
• Humility trumps the need to make sure everyone knows that you are right.
• Watch the sarcasm and snark. If it sounds like something a 13-year-old girl would say, consider revising.
Digging Deeper
• If what you are writing makes you squeamish because you think no one will be able to relate, keep writing. You are not alone, and others in the same boat need to know that they are not alone either.
• If you’re afraid to write something, ask yourself, “What is the worst thing that could happen if I post this?”
• If you write about faith-related topics, you don’t have to include a verse or mention God in every paragraph, or even in every post. Your worldview (and your view of grace) will come across in how you write—in your tone, in your word choices and in the way you respond to criticism or compliments.
• There are times when real is better in retrospect. Very often, feelings and thoughts need to simmer a good, long time before they can or should be expressed in writing—at least writing that is intended for public consumption.
Before You Share
• Last paragraphs are hard to write. Sometimes abrupt endings are better than tidy bows.
• Pray while you write and before you hit send or publish. Ask God to direct your words to the people who need to read them.
• Let go of your expectations about how any one thing you communicate is going to be received. Write from your heart and leave the results up to God.
• • •
What does “keeping it real” mean to you? If any of these thoughts resonates with you, or if you find that one is a greater struggle than the others, please share in the comments.
♥ Lois
In any kind of writing, humility trumps the need to make sure everyone knows that you are right. Share on X Feelings and thoughts often need to simmer a good, long time before they can or should be expressed in writing—at least writing that is intended for public consumption. Share on XP.S. I’m linking up this week with sharefoursomethings, #tellhisstory, InstaEncouragements, Let’s Have Coffee and Grace & Truth.
23 comments
Lois, yes I’m totally with you here >> “When our writing stays true to who we are and what we believe, comparison and outrage fall by the wayside because our words cease to depend on someone else’s reaction or response.” When I first started writing it took me a long time to be comfortable writing about hardships, anxiety and life’s heartbreaks. I can feel Jesus touching me, but I’d hem haw around for a while before writing. Then I eventually thought, I might not know who my words touch, and that’s okay. Because God does. Writing about the tough stuff is becoming easier for me to write now.
Thank you so much for sharing this with Sweet Tea & Friends this month dear friend.
Such wise words and good advice! There are quite a few reminders here that I need when I’m writing, especially when I’m struggling over something I want to write but can’t find words or a way to organize them that seem “right”. Many times it’s because I’m trying too hard! I have tutored high schoolers in writing for quite a few years, and that’s something I’ve told my students too – you don’t have to use all the words you know and all the clever phrases you think of in every essay, because the point isn’t to showcase your writing but to communicate with your audience.
Will bookmark this to refer to as needed! Thank you!
Kym, I know what you mean about struggling to write because you’re trying too hard. For me, that’s a good indication I need to move to a different post! I love the advice you give your high schoolers–“the point isn’t to showcase your writing but to communicate with your audience.” So true!
Lois, this is wonderful! Very wise and practical information here. I am so happy to have read this today.
Visiting today from Joanne’s
So glad you found it helpful, Paula! Hugs, friend.
Excellent advice, Lois! How easy it is to want to write ‘to be heard” or to “impress”, but then we enslave ourselves to the response of the reader. I find great freedom in leaving it all on the page, and whether anyone reads it or not, I know I have given my best and stayed authentic.
Amen, Donna. “Enslaving ourselves to the response of the reader” just leads to stress, pressure and thinking the results are all up to us.
Lois, this entire post is wonderful and practical. It is all good and all appreciated!
Thanks so much, Joanne! 🙂
Endings are hard to write, but I find titles to be even worse.
And when I’m writing, if I picture my readers, it’s a lot easier to keep it real. I want to serve them with truth—not simply my opinions.
Ack … same here about those titles, Michele! I love the idea of serving readers with truth instead of just opinions.
You’re such a kind guide in how to navigate so many things that make up this life.
Thanks, friend. 🙂
I can “Amen” all of these. I would love to write lyrically. I tend to be a “Just the facts, ma’am” kind of writer. I can research and organize information. But that’s not usually what touches people’s hearts. God has been working with me for years to bring more . . . emotion, I guess, or maybe spirit into my writing. I’ll leave the lyricism to those who do it well and appreciate their gifts. I realize, too, that not every reader likes lyrical or poetic writing (like my husband 🙂 ). So those people are more likely my audience.
Another point that resonates with me is waiting to publish or send something, especially if feelings are high. Sometimes it helps just to get it out of my system, but then it’s not necessary to share it. Other times I need to wait to make sure this is something God wants me to do or say and not just my urge.
Prayer to me is the most important factor. I try to remember to pray for God’s guidance before I write anything. It’s heartening when someone comments that a post was just what they needed that day. When I think of the different topics I had in mind for that day and how God narrowed my thinking down to just one–I am amazed at how He works.
Barbara, I, for one, greatly appreciate your “just the facts, ma’am” style of writing! You sprinkle enough emotion and spirit into your words to make them relatable while still sounding like yourself. That’s so wonderful when someone comments that your words were just what they needed for that day. What surprises me about this is when people say it about posts I’ve reworked from the archives. Why did I choose that particular one, out of all the others, for that particular day? Maybe because God knew someone would need it. 🙂
Thank you. 🙂 It surprises me, also, when people say they’ve been helped by posts I’ve struggled over and don’t feel satisfied with as well as posts that seemed to just “flow” and with which I am pleased. I guess that’s evidence that the work is His, and we’re just His vessels–thankfully.
Amen to that, Barbara! 🙂
Oh Lois, you have such great advice here. What especially resonates with me is our need to let our feelings and thoughts simmer before we write or publish. So, so true. I have found my written words need to simmer, too. Sometimes I erase what I have written, because God shows me it was meant to connect with HIM and for me to process, not to be read by others. And I say AMEN to this – “Pray while you write and before you hit send or publish. Ask God to direct your words to the people who need to read them.” Love, hugs, and blessings to you!
Trudy, I love how God shows you what you should post and what you should erase after it “simmers” for a while. There’s so much healing to be found in writing, isn’t there? And I’m so thankful God places our words in front of the people who need to read them. That takes the pressure off us to grow some big audience, doesn’t it? Love and hugs to you, dear friend.
Love this, Lois. You have so much good advice here, and I love how you remind us that we all write in some form or another whether we’re “writers” or not. I’ve learned in my time a few things about keeping it real in my writing, though of course I’ve not called it that. I love that phrase. For me, I’ve learned not to post for other people but for myself. Well, that sounds odd. But what I mean is if I’m in a place where I’m seeing other people doing something I don’t agree with, that’s not a post for me to write. But if I see other people doing something and realize I do the same thing, then I have something to write about. And sometimes, whatever I’m afraid to write is exactly what I need to write. You have such good reminders here, Lois. Wonderful post.
Thanks so much, Ashley! I love your way of determining whether you should write about something or not. I’ve not articulated it that way before, but I think it describes how I tend to do it as well. If I’m in more of a ranting mood when I’m writing, that should never end up in a blog post. But if three fingers are pointing back at me, so to speak, then perhaps I should share that. Thanks for sharing your wisdom, friend.
Wow–this is a post that I need to bookmark so I can return to it again and again when I’m questioning my writing. Thank you for “keeping it real” with us here. You address so many concerns that many of us wrestle with, whether we blog or not. We all read and write all day long in one format or another, so what we say and how we say it is critical to our relationships. Thanks, Lois!
I’m glad you found this helpful, Lisa. Also, feel free to let me know when you are questioning your writing and I will set you straight. 🙂 I miss you in writing group but hope things are going well. Hugs, friend.