Inside: You don’t have to be a professional wordsmith to benefit from writing through grief. Here are a few practical tips if you’re not sure how to start or you’re afraid it might be too painful. ~

My parents died five years ago this spring. As I ponder my grief journey, I see how writing through it—here on the blog as well in other places—has facilitated a huge amount of healing in my life.

I suppose this makes sense. I’ve been writing for many decades at this point, first as a member of my high school newspaper staff and then later as a reporter and editor for several different types of print news publications.

News writing isn’t the same as grief writing, of course. I suppose my education for that began when I started typing up my daily prayers, and then continued when I started this personal blog almost a decade ago.

Word Therapy

All these years later, it’s hard for me to process almost anything in my life without writing it down first. While that’s partly due to internal wiring and work experience, I believe people with other personalities and professional backgrounds also can be helped tremendously by writing through grief and loss.

Here’s my theory: If you can talk, you can write. And writing helps.

Grief expert David Kessler talked about one benefit during a recent webinar called “The Healing Power of Writing.”

“Healing doesn’t mean forgetting. Healing means the event no longer controls us,” he explained. “Writing is a way of taking control.”

What if it Hurts?

When people ask Kessler if it will hurt to write about what they’ve gone through, his answer is always the same: “You’ve got an illusion that writing will make it painful. It’s already painful.”

In other words, yes, it will probably hurt, but it’s also worth it.

If this sounds intriguing to you but you’ve never tried it, one place to start is by journaling.

It doesn’t have to be neat. It doesn’t even have to be on actual paper.

Printing vs. Typing

My family will readily tell you my handwriting is terrible. To be fair, it got that way from years of scribbling notes during newspaper interviews and press conferences. It’s still bad, though, which is why typing is more helpful for me.

For some, the act of writing by hand is soothing and therapeutic. But if that’s not you, you can open up a Word document or the notes file on your phone.

You don’t have to produce complete paragraphs or sentences. A bulleted list works just as well.

What Happened?

If you don’t want to write about your feelings regarding a particular event or set of circumstances, jot down what you think about it instead. If that’s still too tender, just write what happened.

Start with the facts. Ask yourself questions. You might be surprised where that takes you.

Chances are, your feelings will come out eventually. But if you’re not striving to answer, “How are you feeling?” your thoughts may flow more freely.

Your words don’t have to be lyrical or poetic. You don’t have to write like your favorite author; in fact, you shouldn’t even try.

Just Write Like You Talk

Nobody needs to read what you write unless you show them. If you’re worried about someone finding your journal when you’re dead, or if you accidently leave your notebook lying around, type what you want to say and then delete it.

Or write it down and tear it up. Or protect it with a password only you know.

If what you’re writing makes you cry, that’s OK. Don’t be alarmed by tears. They’re therapeutic.

If it hurts, remember Kessler’s words. It hurt before you started. Writing it down actually could lessen the pain a bit. Over time, it could lessen it a lot.

Don’t Rush It

At some point in the future, the weight of grief will lift and you may feel inspired to keep writing for other reasons. Don’t rush it, though.

Your goal is healing. Processing. Getting the words out to create new pathways for your neurons.

You’re not looking for ways to add more stress to your life, so don’t feel like you ever have to share your writing with anyone unless you want to.

Do Something Else

And if, after you’ve read all this, you still don’t want to write anything, that’s totally OK too.

Go for a walk. Bake some cookies. Put on some loud music and clean your bathroom. Call a friend and talk for an hour on the phone (yes, people still do that).

Psalm 34:18 says, “The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.”

We can rest in this promise whether we write through our grief or not.

• • •

Does journaling or some other form of writing help you work through your struggles or grief? Please share in the comments.

♥ Lois

P.S. I’m linking up this week with #tellhisstory, InstaEncouragements, Let’s Have Coffee and Grace & Truth.