Sometimes it Takes a Lifetime to Become Who We Are

Inside: We may never paint our house purple or wear red pants, but we’re never too old to change for good or grow more comfortable in our own skin. ~

Before my daughter Molly went to Northern Ireland last semester, she went clothes shopping and came home with a pair of bright red pants.

I loved her new pants, but it wasn’t until months later that something clicked in my mind about this bold choice of hers. It had to do with my dad, and knowing yourself, and being comfortable with who you are.

Dad once painted his three-story, turn-of-the-20^th century farmhouse a startling shade of lavender. He’d seen a Victorian house with a similar color scheme, liked it and decided to replicate it. From then on, my childhood home was known around town as “the purple house.”

Her Own Person

My dad was not someone who sought out the limelight. He was unassuming, settled in his own skin and never one to make decisions based upon public opinion. When he chose to paint his house lavender, he did so because he thought it was pretty.

In many ways, Molly is very much like my dad. The red pants are just another example of this.

She saw them, she liked them, and she wears them confidently. She enjoys being fashionable, but she has her own sense of style and doesn’t pattern herself after anyone else.

Becoming Who We Are

One of the blessings of motherhood, in my opinion, is watching our children become who they are. Sometimes, this is apparent from an early age. Molly has always had a keen sense of what she likes and doesn’t like, for example.

Sometimes, though, it takes a lifetime to figure all this out. For many of us, it’s a decade-by-decade process.

I was in my late 20s when I finally became comfortable with my own quieter personality. At one pivotal point, I realized I didn’t have to try to be the life of the party; I didn’t have to make people laugh or even talk if I didn’t want to.

Being who I was wired to be was far less stressful than attempting to be something else, or at least feeling like I should be different somehow.

My Big-Ring Era

In my early 40s, the “becoming” had more to do with my personal appearance. After spending a lot of time and money highlighting and straightening my hair during the previous decade, I finally embraced my naturally curly mane and switched to all-over color (in a dark brown that matched my natural hue), rather than lighter highlights.

I also wore a lot of bold prints and eye-catching rings in my 40s (my girls call it my big-ring era). I don’t know why these styles appealed to me during those years; maybe they were my version of Molly’s red pants and Dad’s lavender house.

I’ve mostly left the prints and big rings behind in my 50s, embracing softer solids and bracelets instead (at least for now). But I haven’t stopped becoming who I am, and neither have you.

Some of this is directly affected by our DNA and God-given personality. Even if we wanted to change some things, we couldn’t do it.

What We Can Control

That said, much of who we become is completely and totally within our control. How we respond to other people and in stressful situations, what we think about, what we spend our time looking at—it’s all shaping us in ways we often don’t even realize.

I don’t know about you, but I want to become an old lady who laughs and smiles easily, chats with strangers at the grocery store, hugs freely, and listens well. And as far as I can tell, the best way to do that is to start now (or keep it up, as the case may be).

Also, in case you were wondering, I probably won’t ever paint my house purple (the husband has a say in this, after all). But don’t be surprised if I sport a pair of pants like Molly’s someday. (Red is my favorite color, after all.)

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How have you noticed this “becoming” process playing out in your life? Please share in the comments.

♥ Lois

P.S. I’m linking up this week with #tellhisstory, InstaEncouragements, Let’s Have Coffee and Grace & Truth.