Inside: We may never paint our house purple or wear red pants, but we’re never too old to change for good or grow more comfortable in our own skin. ~
Before my daughter Molly went to Northern Ireland last semester, she went clothes shopping and came home with a pair of bright red pants.
I loved her new pants, but it wasn’t until months later that something clicked in my mind about this bold choice of hers. It had to do with my dad, and knowing yourself, and being comfortable with who you are.
Dad once painted his three-story, turn-of-the-20th century farmhouse a startling shade of lavender. He’d seen a Victorian house with a similar color scheme, liked it and decided to replicate it. From then on, my childhood home was known around town as “the purple house.”
Her Own Person
My dad was not someone who sought out the limelight. He was unassuming, settled in his own skin and never one to make decisions based upon public opinion. When he chose to paint his house lavender, he did so because he thought it was pretty.
In many ways, Molly is very much like my dad. The red pants are just another example of this.
She saw them, she liked them, and she wears them confidently. She enjoys being fashionable, but she has her own sense of style and doesn’t pattern herself after anyone else.
Becoming Who We Are
One of the blessings of motherhood, in my opinion, is watching our children become who they are. Sometimes, this is apparent from an early age. Molly has always had a keen sense of what she likes and doesn’t like, for example.
Sometimes, though, it takes a lifetime to figure all this out. For many of us, it’s a decade-by-decade process.
I was in my late 20s when I finally became comfortable with my own quieter personality. At one pivotal point, I realized I didn’t have to try to be the life of the party; I didn’t have to make people laugh or even talk if I didn’t want to.
Being who I was wired to be was far less stressful than attempting to be something else, or at least feeling like I should be different somehow.
My Big-Ring Era
In my early 40s, the “becoming” had more to do with my personal appearance. After spending a lot of time and money highlighting and straightening my hair during the previous decade, I finally embraced my naturally curly mane and switched to all-over color (in a dark brown that matched my natural hue), rather than lighter highlights.
I also wore a lot of bold prints and eye-catching rings in my 40s (my girls call it my big-ring era). I don’t know why these styles appealed to me during those years; maybe they were my version of Molly’s red pants and Dad’s lavender house.
I’ve mostly left the prints and big rings behind in my 50s, embracing softer solids and bracelets instead (at least for now). But I haven’t stopped becoming who I am, and neither have you.
Some of this is directly affected by our DNA and God-given personality. Even if we wanted to change some things, we couldn’t do it.
What We Can Control
That said, much of who we become is completely and totally within our control. How we respond to other people and in stressful situations, what we think about, what we spend our time looking at—it’s all shaping us in ways we often don’t even realize.
I don’t know about you, but I want to become an old lady who laughs and smiles easily, chats with strangers at the grocery store, hugs freely, and listens well. And as far as I can tell, the best way to do that is to start now (or keep it up, as the case may be).
Also, in case you were wondering, I probably won’t ever paint my house purple (the husband has a say in this, after all). But don’t be surprised if I sport a pair of pants like Molly’s someday. (Red is my favorite color, after all.)
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How have you noticed this “becoming” process playing out in your life? Please share in the comments.
♥ Lois
Much of who we become is completely and totally within our control. How we respond, what we think about, what we spend our time looking at—it’s all shaping us in ways we often don’t even realize. Share on X I want to become an old lady who laughs and smiles easily, chats with strangers at the grocery store, hugs freely, and listens well. Share on XP.S. I’m linking up this week with #tellhisstory, InstaEncouragements, Let’s Have Coffee and Grace & Truth.
20 comments
This is beautiful, Lois. I agree that we’re each continuing to grow more into who we are, and it’s a wonderful thing. I remember in my late teens how impressed I was by a girl I worked with who was like a bubbling brook, always extraverted and the life of the party. I knew I could never be like her, though. I finally realized that being a quiet steady stream may not be as flashy, but it is also valuable.
That’s so true, Lisa. There’s peace and freedom that comes in being who we are rather than trying to be something we were never intended to be.
What an interesting topic! I also embraced my quieter personalty at some point. I used to like to wear neutrals, for some reason. Now I like COLOR, but more pastels than brights. In early married years, I shopped from clearance racks until I realized that wearing a certain dress made me feel frumpy and depressed–the style was okay, but the color just didn’t resonate with me. I didn’t turn into a spendthrift–I still like a good bargain–but I realized it’s not a sin to pay full price for a quality item.
I think this getting to know who we are is one reason I wouldn’t want to turn back the clock, even if I could. There are things about youth I didn’t appreciate at the time, and I’d love to have the energy I did then. But I wouldn’t want to give up what I’ve learned about myself and life in these intervening years.
I hear you about branching out past the clearance racks, Barbara. I’m not a fan of clothes shopping in general, but when something looks good and feels good on me, I will seriously consider buying it. I’m glad you switched from neutrals to pastels! And I totally agree about not wanting to give up what we learn about ourselves over the years.
This makes me smile – I want to see when you wear red pants someday! 🙂
I love how the Lord grows us over time and gives us such joy in becoming who we are.
One of these things for me has been headbands. I loved them as a kid, but could never get one to stay on my head so gave them up completely. A few years ago, someone gave me a different type of headband and now I have loads (thank you, cheap Amazon 10 packs) and wear them often. Some friends are surprised to see me without one. They bring me much joy. 🙂
I’m so glad you’ve found headbands that stay on, Bethany! If I remember correctly, doesn’t Abigail also enjoy colorful headbands in your books? 🙂
One thing I have noticed (with pride, I must admit) about my granddaughter is that she also “does not pattern herself after anyone else.” Sure she is following the trends that are available, but really has a sense of her own style! Decade by decade, I’m shedding influences I clothed that never fit quite right, and exposing more of my real self. I couldn’t do it without the transforming power of God’s grace.
Lynn, your granddaughter sounds a lot like Molly. So wonderful to see in this day and age when conformity is so much more common. And amen to God’s grace transforming us decade by decade!
Well I’ve definitely reached the old lady status Lois…
And I’m really comfortable in my skin (wrinkling & saggy as it is)! 😂
I’ve just changed my style to absolute comfort & lighter pastels which are much more complimentary to older skin & white hair.
So yes, we are always growing & becoming of age & I hope that it doesn’t stop until we step into heaven. 😊
Blessings, Jennifer
I love your attitude, Jennifer! And how you’ve changed your style to something more comfortable and complimentary. Life’s too short to be uncomfortable, is my motto! Hugs, friend.
Lois, I want to join you in being an old lady who laughs. I’m more than 1/2 way there 😂
Haha, Joanne … just barely more than halfway there, right? 🙂
I want to be an old lady who laughs, too – and that is very hard for a literalist, but my Word of the Year is Joy with an aim to laugh in the joy of the Lord. Isn’t it liberating when we realize we only have to be who God designed us to be? When I realized that, my life changed so very much. I think I will be becoming until I cross over to the other side–and I look forward to all that God has planned in that becoming. I love your Dad’s lavender house and your daughter’s red pants – and your big rings and curly hair!
Oh yes, Maryleigh … liberating is exactly right! I feel very much like you do … becoming until we pass on and looking forward to what God will do in the process. Hugs, friend.
I had a pair of red pants and I gave them away—which I now regret because red is also my favorite color!
Maybe you’ll find another pair sometime, Michele. I may get some sooner rather than later; Molly is inspiring me!
I love this, Lois. Your story about being quiet and allowing yourself to be so resonated with me. We also both embraced our natural hair. I love how you talk about this process. I used to think it was something that would be achieved and conquered one day, but the older I get, the more I realize things change. And that I can’t really define myself by those things. It’s okay to have an era and call it different the next decade, right?
I think so, Ashley. That way we can look back at our former selves with grace and humor, instead of cringing at all those big patterns we used to wear (or whatever it was). 🙂
i want to wear red pants someday. but i’m pretty sure it won’t be in this lifetime.
Haha … you do you, friend!