One reality of living close to my aging parents is that my teenage daughters are having to process things that I never even thought about at their age.
It’s one thing for me—a 47-year-old woman who has been struggling to navigate this life of faith for decades—to juggle all the emotional and logistical balls that accompany Alzheimer’s disease and long-term care and recovery from strokes and possible hip replacement surgery and my dad living alone and whatever else the next phone call might bring.
It’s another thing entirely for two girls who love their grandparents dearly—each in her own way—to understand how God could allow such trials and circumstances to infiltrate the lives of two people who only ever sought to serve Him.
I have no explanation for that, at least not one that would satisfy the questions that can swamp the heart of a contemplative granddaughter. I never would have chosen this particular set of sufferings for my parents—not in a million years.
But as a mom who desires to pass on a lasting faith to my children, I am grateful for the opportunities this journey is giving them to confront some unanswerable questions and start learning to trust God when life makes no sense. At this early age, when they have Randy and me right here to comfort them, to guide them and to pray for them.
Because at some point, inevitably, they will face other questions that have no answers. And my prayer is that the processing they’re doing now will lay the groundwork for the way they respond to those questions when they are older.
Life is gritty. Loss is hard. There’s no getting around it, no matter how old you are.
Sometimes the tough stuff that happens to other people really stinks up our own lives. When we love deeply, we also expose ourselves to the real possibility that we are going to hurt deeply.
These realities open the door for us to remind our girls—and ourselves—that while God is good, not everything that happens in our lives makes us happy. He has plans for us—plans for a future and a hope—but nowhere does He promise that His plans will measure up to our definition of wonderful. All things work together for our good, but that doesn’t mean everything that happens to us will seem good—at the time or ever at all.
And yet—despite all of this, and especially in the face of all our unanswerable questions—God remains trustworthy. He has assured us that He will never leave us nor forsake us, no matter where His plans take us.
And, as I’m learning myself and hopefully helping my girls to learn, following Him into the dark unknown is far better than plunging ahead on our own.
♥ Lois
Life is gritty. Loss is hard. There’s no getting around it, no matter how old you are. Share on X God has assured us that He will never leave us, no matter where His plans take us. Share on XP.S. I’m linking up this week with Let’s Have Coffee, Purposeful Faith, #TellHisStory, Faith on Fire, Faith ‘n Friends and Grace & Truth.
16 comments
I love this line: And yet—despite all of this, and especially in the face of all our unanswerable questions—God remains trustworthy.
Your post will be a great encouragement to a lot of people, I think. We all have those questions that we probably won’t find the answers to in this life, but we can still trust God.
Blessings to you as you model love for your children.
Thank you so much, Ashley. Your comment is making me think … maybe part of trust is a matter of letting go of the need to know. Hmmm … that’s easier said than done, isn’t it? 🙂
We’ve dealt with my m-i-l’s long decline for ten years now, five in our home. It’s not easy, and I have often wondered why God allowed things to take the path they did. But I have to trust He has His reasons and is teaching us all through it. I love your attitude of wanting your daughters to be able to wrestle with unanswerable questions while they are still there with your support.
I’m sorry, Barbara. It’s hard when the decline is long and slow, isn’t it? Some day perhaps we will have a chance to ask God for some insight into His purposes, or maybe we will see more clearly as time passes. I’m grateful for your example of selfless love in taking care of your mother-in-law in your home. Hugs, friend.
Well, you know that our family went through the same kind of intro-to-old-age, with my mum aging and declining right under our noses here in this house that used to be full of teen age energy and attitude. It’s not a curriculum I would have chosen, and yet the outcome, I think, is valuable.
Your experience adds several poignant layers to what I’ve described, Michele. There are so many different dynamics at play … mother/daughter, grandmother/grandchild, natural teenage self-centeredness/deep love. It’s interesting (sometimes gut wrenching) to watch them all play out, especially when you are one of the players. And I totally agree … the outcome is definitely valuable.
What a gift you are to your granddaughters, Lois. To have a faith mentor, one who loves them unconditionally, is your legacy to them.
I am sorry your parents are suffering. I look to Heaven wheh things get tough, where there will be no pain or sorrow only praise for Our Lord. Thank you for connecting with me here. Have a blessed night, Julie
Aw … thanks, Julie. It does bring a lot of comfort to know that one day, my mom will be whole and strong once again. It was good to connect with you this week!
There are some real blessings in facing these questions/experiences while you have someone so close to help you process them and navigate through some of these things. Your daughters are fortunate to not only be able to ask you…but to also watch you as you help your parents.
I often think about the fact that I am setting an example for my girls, Jennifer. It’s a sobering thought! My grandparents were either gone or lived far away when I was growing up, so I didn’t have the opportunity to watch my own parents do this. But I am grateful that I am close to them now and have the chance to see how my dad has changed and grown through all this … just goes to show that God never stops working on us, no matter how old we are! It was good to hear from you this week!
Lois, your words have touched me deeply this morning. May your daughters see the strength you have found in God and also cling to Him, no matter the questions they may ask. God is good, and faithful, and trustworthy. Every day. Blessings!
Yes, He most certainly is, Joanne. I’m so thankful that my girls seem to be understanding this, though they know we have sad days ahead. I’m grateful for your encouragement, my friend. 🙂
To learn to trust God even when life doesn’t make sense is such a difficult lesson, isn’t it? I’m so sorry for your girls, and I’m grateful they have you to help them through. I’m so sorry for such a stressful time for you, too, Lois. It must be so taxing. I pray God will carry you all through this tough season! Thank you for the encouraging reminder that God will never leave us, no matter where His plans take us. Love and hugs to you!
Aw, Trudy … thank you for your kind encouragement. It’s interesting how things ebb and flow around here. Right now, we’re in a peaceful season, but when I look back to six months or a year ago, the feelings were much different. I’m thankful for these periods of calm between the storms. Love and hug right back at you, my friend!
Good morning, Lois …
As I head off to spend the day with my 88 year old mom … well let’s just say that your tender words have touched my heart and have given me a peaceful encouragement. There’s so much we can’t understand … and to be able to lean into Him and to like-minded friends is absolutely grace as we make our way through this painful season.
Bless you, friend. We do not walk alone.
I hear your heart entirely, Linda. No, we don’t walk alone, and yes, this is most definitely a gift of grace. One step at a time …