When Grief Invades the Holidays, the Hope of Heaven Holds Us Fast

Inside: Comfort and encouragement for those who have lost a loved one in recent years and struggle with grief at Christmas.

Four years ago, keeping Christmas saved me.

In 2018, I spent many December days running around like a chicken with my head cut off—to see my dad at the hospital, in rehab and then finally in long-term care with my mom; to his lawyer’s office, his banks, the investment broker’s office and my parents’ home in a neighboring town; to the places I needed to go to keep my own household running through the holidays.

Peace in the Storm

In the midst of all that, my home was a much-needed sanctuary. The girls had decorated the house during a late November blizzard, and when I stepped in the door every day—after hours of trying to manage the details of my dad’s perplexing decline and future care—I was greeted by peace.

Nobody would have blamed us if we had decided to forego normal holiday traditions like making cookie boxes for friends and neighbors that year. Sometimes it’s better to hang a wreath on the front door and leave all the other decorations in the attic.

But Lilly had been taking a baking class at school, so we forged ahead and got all the cookies baked and delivered. We took time out to attend a For King and Country concert one night, and we even hosted Christmas dinner for extended family members who were in town to see my parents in the nursing home.

How Did We Do It?

I look back and wonder how in the world we did it all. But I think I have an idea. It was God’s strength flowing through us, bolstered by the prayers of who knows how many people.

It was one of the hardest Decembers I’ve ever lived through, and yet, somehow, it was also one of the best Christmases in recent memory.

Fast Forward 12 Months

When the holidays rolled around again, I pushed ahead with the things that meant the most to those around me—but not with the kind of adrenaline-fueled energy I had the previous year.

My mom had died in April, my dad in May.

It was Christmas again. My parents were gone; the relatives were not coming.

We decorated the house, and it was all lovely and peaceful, but it was also … different.

How So?

There were all the emotions that go along with remembering what happened “this time last year.” There were all the normal trappings of navigating the first holiday season without mom and dad, grandma and grandpa, mother-in-law and father-in-law: the sadness, the foggy brain, the exhaustion, the lack of motivation, the works.

But at times, there was also something else. A heaviness greater than just grief. A collection of inner turmoil that an adult lifetime of walking with Jesus told me something else might be going on too.

Something Darker, Spiritually

For me, the first week of December was the worst. But early that week, something happened to alter my mindset.

Over the space of about three days, I heard the same scripture from three different sources—in a Sunday sermon, at my GriefShare class and then in a devotional the next morning.

The repetition of the verses made me think that this was a “right now word from God,” as a mentor of mine used to say. Not just for me that year, but perhaps for you today.

“Humble yourselves, therefore, under the mighty hand of God, so that He may exalt you at the proper time, casting all your care on Him, because He cares about you.

“Be serious! Be alert! Your adversary the Devil is prowling around like a roaring lion, looking for anyone he can devour. Resist him and be firm in the faith, knowing that the same sufferings are being experienced by your fellow believers throughout the world.

“Now the God of all grace, who called you to His eternal glory in Christ Jesus, will personally restore, establish, strengthen, and support you after you have suffered a little. The dominion belongs to Him forever. Amen.” 1 Peter 5:6-11 (HCSB)

How This Applies to Advent

I don’t know about you, but I’ve never seen this passage in an Advent devotional or Christmas reading. There’s no doubt Satan has ample opportunities to wreak havoc during the holiday season, but I’d rather not think of him prowling around the Christmas tree, stealing the joy and peace that might already be in short supply this year.

And yet, there it is. I won’t belabor the point, but I don’t think it’s a revelation to anyone reading this that the enemy of our souls doesn’t call off his attacks when we are at our most vulnerable. I didn’t know what that holiday season would bring, but looking back, the fact that it included a considerable dose of spiritual warfare isn’t a huge shock.

The story doesn’t end there, though. With Jesus, it never does.

Hope in the Darkness

I struggled more than I expected that first December after my parents died. But having 1 Peter 5 in the back of my mind, even during the darker moments, was a lifesaver.

It reminded me of truths I’ve long held dear—that greater is He who is in us than he who is in the world. (1 John 4:4) That what the enemy means for evil, God will work out for our good. (Genesis 50:20)

As we wait in hope for the second Advent, 1 Peter 5:6-11 also reminds us that the throne of heaven is open right now, its sovereign Occupant ever ready to receive even the smallest of cares that we humbly offer up to Him.

And whatever the next few days and the next 12 months bring, our Immanuel will go before us and be with us—in our victories and our failures, in our uncertainties and our pain, in our disappointments and our joys.

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If this post spoke to you, I would love for you to share it with others via Facebook, email or however else you communicate.

♥ Lois

Editor’s Note: This post was originally posted in December 2019 and has been updated for today.

P.S. I’m linking up this week with #tellhisstory, InstaEncouragements, Recharge Wednesday, Let’s Have Coffee and Grace & Truth.